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I didn't sleep with anyone but I did go out twice with and old bf just weeks before getting engaged, and we fooled around a bit. I he called again, after 2 years, I JUST HAD TO KNOW before I made a commitment to anyone.. He asked me out on a third date and I declined. It really did set things right in my head.
Well, there we go AGAIN with the young generation of men and women who do the wrong thing before getting married!
I don't know who exactly you are considering "the younger generation" but I'm 28, got married at 24, and as I've already stated, I did not even contemplate cheating before getting married (I would never consider it at any time, I have no interest in sleeping with anyone but my husband - ever). I knew it was just a matter of time before someone lumped a bunch of people into one group, that happens so much on this forum. But age has nothing to do with it, millions of people from older generations cheat on their fiances or spouses and millions of people from younger generations don't. I could tell you some doozies about my extended family which prove this - how about my 5-some year old cousin who cheated on his wife (who he had 4 kids with) with his 17 year old secretary?
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Actually, I had an old girlfriend call me just after I got engaged to my wife 11 yrs ago. She called to see how I was doing and wanted to possibly meet up with me again. I told her straight up that I was engaged and absolutely wouldn't meet with her and that this was the last time we would talk. She was stunned, somewhat angry and almost sounded like she was going to cry, but I repeated that I was now engaged and that was that!
Well, that was a bit rude. Being engaged doesn't mean you can't speak to or see an ex ever again. Maybe she genuinely just wanted to be friends. Maybe she thought the fact that you were engaged to someone else was a clear sign you had moved on and that the two of you could now be friends. Maybe you potentially ruined what could have been a good mutual friendship for both you and your wife.
I would have responded with something more like "My fiance and I would love to have lunch or dinner with you some time, what a great idea!" That makes it clear that you have no interest in anything but a completely platonic friendship and that you plan on keeping your fiance/spouse not only aware of but also involved in any such friendship. You've set definitive boundaries without being rude and dismissive.
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I was 51 yrs old at the time, so much older than the people on this forum. But, I was SMART......an excellent word to remember! In other words, just say "NO" to yourself or someone else when it comes to cheating before marriage.
Yes, clearly you think you're so much smarter than anyone younger than you.
All you have to do is read all the different Threads in this Forum and that says it all about your generation! What I'm saying here is a "generalization" of your generation......obviously not everyone. I have classmates from 1968 that are still married (30 some years)! I'm just wondering how many married couples around your age bracket will make 30 plus years of marriage?
As far as that "former girlfriend" goes, I wasn't rude, I was just truthful and honest! If more couples who are in a relationship/engaged or married could do that, there would be a LOT less problems than this Forum shows in it's Threads!! One thing is fact, a relationship/engagement or married sure doesn't need "ex's" hanging around in it unless there are children involved. If you or anyone in your age bracket wants to keep "ex's" in your life, be my guest, but it sure isn't the kind of marriage my wife and I want!
And, at 61 years old, I've seen a lot more of life than you have! What I'm wondering is......when will your age bracket show respect and understanding for people who clearly have been thru much more of life than you have?
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Originally Posted by PA2UK
I don't know who exactly you are considering "the younger generation" but I'm 28, got married at 24, and as I've already stated, I did not even contemplate cheating before getting married (I would never consider it at any time, I have no interest in sleeping with anyone but my husband - ever). I knew it was just a matter of time before someone lumped a bunch of people into one group, that happens so much on this forum. But age has nothing to do with it, millions of people from older generations cheat on their fiances or spouses and millions of people from younger generations don't. I could tell you some doozies about my extended family which prove this - how about my 5-some year old cousin who cheated on his wife (who he had 4 kids with) with his 17 year old secretary?
Well, that was a bit rude. Being engaged doesn't mean you can't speak to or see an ex ever again. Maybe she genuinely just wanted to be friends. Maybe she thought the fact that you were engaged to someone else was a clear sign you had moved on and that the two of you could now be friends. Maybe you potentially ruined what could have been a good mutual friendship for both you and your wife.I would have responded with something more like "My fiance and I would love to have lunch or dinner with you some time, what a great idea!" That makes it clear that you have no interest in anything but a completely platonic friendship and that you plan on keeping your fiance/spouse not only aware of but also involved in any such friendship. You've set definitive boundaries without being rude and dismissive.
Yes, clearly you think you're so much smarter than anyone younger than you.
I agree! That behavior certainly is not just a women thing. Men have been known to do the same thing. In my book, that 'last hurrah' should never happen, and when it does how can the guilty party look in the mirror each morning and be happy with themselves? People who do this apparently are getting married just because they think it is the right thing to do or is expected of them. I think it is common for people to get married 'just because', not really giving any thought to 'forever'. Sometimes I just wonder about people and their motives...
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Originally Posted by sierraAZ
Yeah, it's quite common. Can't say I'm a fan of these traditions.
Just to clarify what I said about bachelor parties, I meant the ones where the groom's friends try to get him laid, or the groom himself intends for that to happen. The stag parties at a strip club are raunchy and dumb, but harmless in my opinion IF the guy's fiancee is cool with it. A woman might say, "Sure, honey, go have fun with your friends and ogle some boobies because tomorrow, you're mine," :P but I don't think any sane woman would say, "Go ahead and get it out of your system ... get that one last bit of strange, babe."
Many years ago, I was the matron (God, I hate that word) of honor at a friend's wedding. Her husband-to-be had a crowd of friends taking him to a strip club (my husband too). I got my back up because two of these "friends" kept making comments about how they were going to get the groom a BJ from one of the strippers. They were even trying to take up a collection to pay for it! I liked my friend's intended but was worried for her sake. I didn't say anything to either of them, but I told those guys they were pigs. I don't know if word got back to the groom or what, but he invited me along. I had never been to a strip club before. Wow, that was surreal. And the night went along fine, with the groom chatting with the pretty girls and buying them drinks (just like my friend said he would) but not doing a thing with them, and the two pigs going with a few others into the VIP room and disappearing afterward. I think bachelor parties are sometimes more of an excuse for the OTHER guys to get crazy.
The OP's post sounds like what is wrong with relationships today.
While I was dating my future wife, I was invited to bachelor parties and other events that would have involved going to strip clubs, and I respectfully declined. In my college days, I did go to a few strip clubs, but I was single. I would never do anything with another woman (especially kissing, sex, touching, etc) if I was dating someone, even if we just started dating a week ago.
For my bachelor party, we went bar hopping in another city where we weren't familiar with the bars. We stuck together and had alot of laughs. We didn't need to bang other chicks.
Well, that was a bit rude. Being engaged doesn't mean you can't speak to or see an ex ever again. Maybe she genuinely just wanted to be friends. Maybe she thought the fact that you were engaged to someone else was a clear sign you had moved on and that the two of you could now be friends. Maybe you potentially ruined what could have been a good mutual friendship for both you and your wife.
I would have responded with something more like "My fiance and I would love to have lunch or dinner with you some time, what a great idea!" That makes it clear that you have no interest in anything but a completely platonic friendship and that you plan on keeping your fiance/spouse not only aware of but also involved in any such friendship. You've set definitive boundaries without being rude and dismissive.
Why didn't she want to be friends before he got engaged? Why didn't she suggest meeting with him AND his fiancee if she had completely platonic intentions? Hmm... And I'm 24, if that makes my opinion more legit in your mind then.. good I guess.
I think bachelor parties are sometimes more of an excuse for the OTHER guys to get crazy.
I agree!
And to go a step further, sometimes it's an excuse to try to ruin something miserable people are jealous of. One bachelor party that my husband went to a groomsman was like "don't let her control you, dude, this is YOUR NIGHT!" My husband was there to be like "Um, if it's HIS night, then why are you trying to pressure him to do stuff he knows is wrong?"
Bachelor and bachelorette parties are cool in general. Party and celebrate and bro/girl it up but remember that you are commited to your finace(e) and if you're considering doing something you would normally NEVER do, then it's probably wrong.
All you have to do is read all the different Threads in this Forum and that says it all about your generation!
Since when is a bunch of people on an internet forum a good example of an entire generation?
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As far as that "former girlfriend" goes, I wasn't rude, I was just truthful and honest!
Well, your idea of truthful and honest comes across as rude. There are ways to be honest and set boundaries without being rude. And really, someone of your self proclaimed wisdom and experience should know that by now. Instead of saying "I won't meet up with you and this is the last time we will ever talk!" you could have said "I'm sorry but I'm not very comfortable meeting up with an ex, I hope you understand".
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And, at 61 years old, I've seen a lot more of life than you have!
Wow, your patronizing ageism knows no bounds. You don't know me, you don't know what I've seen of life, you don't know what I've experienced. If you're so wise, you should know that age doesn't necessarily have anything to do with wisdom and experience.
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What I'm wondering is......when will your age bracket show respect and understanding for people who clearly have been thru much more of life than you have?
When you stop treating us like ignorant little children when you don't even know us. Deal?
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Originally Posted by thatsong64
Why didn't she want to be friends before he got engaged?
I already said this in the very post you quoted: "Maybe she thought the fact that you were engaged to someone else was a clear sign you had moved on and that the two of you could now be friends."
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And I'm 24, if that makes my opinion more legit in your mind then..
Not when you ask questions I've already provided an answer to.
I've already stated that it was a "generalization" of the generation.....I KNOW that not everyone in your generation is like that! But, there sure is a lot of complaining done on this forum and NONE of the ages happen to be from my generation of Baby Boomers!
Well......you say things the way you think are right and I say things the way I think is right! Rude or not, I don't have your personality......is that ok?
Age does definitely make a difference! If a lot of the young folks on this forum would take relationships/engagements/marriage more seriously, they wouldn't have to ask a bunch of questions like they do! Picking the right person makes a lot of differences. Way to many people want both marriage and to be single at the same time! Just take advice from older folks that have been married for years upon years and love their spouse.
Believe me, I know enough from reading some of these Threads in this forum to honestly say.......you get treated by the way you act! Such wording as "BJ" and "getting laid" sounds more like a bunch of teens talking!
I have no idea where you got the info that this girl and I were engaged! All I know, and it was agreed upon by my wife as well (finance' at the time) is that there would be NO "ex's" brought into our marriage. So, what the He** is wrong with that???
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And I'm 24, if that makes my opinion more legit in your mind then.. good I guess.
