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I usually respond although I use the pre written messages by match unless the person took the time to write a nice email then I'll write something personal.
The only time I don't is if the person comes across as creepy, I just block those people LOL.
I have to agree with the photo comment, and I'm a 26 year old female. Maybe you should post your profile information to clarify.
Your picture looks off. The big big smile might be a turn off to some women, myself included. Men are "supposed" to be tough guys. I guess it makes you look too cheesy in a sense. I know the tough guy is part of society's labels but it still stands true.
Even back in early days of human civilizations, women wanted a protector. You seem too polished to protect anyone. Maybe go for more rugged photos, like you doing something manly, without a big grin on your face.
That's just my opinion. Hope you don't take offense. I do find you attractive but not someone I'd reach out to based on your picture alone. You'd have to have a pretty awesome profile for that to happen.
Oh lord, the last thing many (most?), mentally healthy, secure women in their 30s are looking for is someone trying to look tough.
I think your photo is good. You look attractive and a smile is always a big plus. You don't look gay.
If you are having trouble with dating my guess is that the problem is with your profile or the types of women you are approaching... you know 20 somethings who are looking for a tough guy.
I am (happily married) 33 so hopefully an age in your target group and I think your pic is great! Do you have others too or is that the only one? I would concentrate on your profile and maybe ask a female friend or sister who's opinion you value for feedback on your profile.
Good luck! The advantage of being a man is you can have babies later, so don't stress. There's nothing that's more of a turn off than someone who's desperate. If you feel you could be giving off desperate vibes then address that first!
Oh lord, the last thing many (most?), mentally healthy, secure women in their 30s are looking for is someone trying to look tough.
I think your photo is good. You look attractive and a smile is always a big plus. You don't look gay.
If you are having trouble with dating my guess is that the problem is with your profile or the types of women you are approaching... you know 20 somethings who are looking for a tough guy.
I am (happily married) 33 so hopefully an age in your target group and I think your pic is great! Do you have others too or is that the only one? I would concentrate on your profile and maybe ask a female friend or sister who's opinion you value for feedback on your profile.
Good luck! The advantage of being a man is you can have babies later, so don't stress. There's nothing that's more of a turn off than someone who's desperate. If you feel you could be giving off desperate vibes then address that first!
You say tough guy like it's a bad thing. I don't want some pretty boy who's afraid to get his hands dirty. That's how he appears. When I say tough, I mean manly. I don't mean some woman beater with tattoos everwhere and a gun strapped to his hip. He doesn't appear "manly" to me. As I said, women, without even knowing it, look for protectors and he looks like he couldn't protect anything. I'm just trying to be honest. I said he was attractive but that pic looks too cheesy. He needs something more real, in a real life setting, and less of a cheesy pose.
Obviously the women he is attracting now isn't working out so well for him. So as long as he's being sincere in his pictures, doing things he'd actualy really do, then why not spice them up a bit. Why not take a 26 year old's advice? What could it hurt? He's not getting anywhere with what he's got or he wouldn't be asking for advice.
He has stated that his profile information is good. But maybe you didn't read that... So unless he posts it to clarify, I'm going to assume he's correct on this and go with the only thing I see as a problem.
We're going to have to agree to disagree I'm afraid. If I were single and looking and I liked the profile and message sent, I would go on a date with the guy in that photo no trouble and I consider myself a catch!
I am not saying that a couple of other pics would hurt - I think it would be nice to see a couple of others maybe showing some of the things he likes to do (hiking/ kayaking/ chess playing/ whatever).
Clearly no one would write a profile that they thought would be unsuccessful, but based on what you hear on these boards I gather a lot of them leave a lot to be desired. That's why I'm suggesting that he has a trusted friend look over it.
Nothing wrong with taking the advice of a 20 something... unless that 20 something is saying things like 'he doesn't look like he could protect anything' at which point I stop taking her seriously. <<Shrug>>.
Everyone is attracted to someone different. That's the joy of dating. What you consider to look like 'manly' man, may be attractive to you, but deeply unattractive to someone else. That's why the kind of comments you are making are actually really quite mean, and counter productive. Make suggestions by all means, but attacking the guy's masculinity isn't going to help. Especially when there are clearly other women who think he's attractive just as he is.
Maybe his concern about having a family is coming over as desperation? Maybe his profile isn't as good as he thinks it is? There could be all sorts of reasons why he is having trouble attracting the right person. I just don't see his looks as being one of them.
We're going to have to agree to disagree I'm afraid. If I were single and looking and I liked the profile and message sent, I would go on a date with the guy in that photo no trouble and I consider myself a catch!
I am not saying that a couple of other pics would hurt - I think it would be nice to see a couple of others maybe showing some of the things he likes to do (hiking/ kayaking/ chess playing/ whatever).
Clearly no one would write a profile that they thought would be unsuccessful, but based on what you hear on these boards I gather a lot of them leave a lot to be desired. That's why I'm suggesting that he has a trusted friend look over it.
Nothing wrong with taking the advice of a 20 something... unless that 20 something is saying things like 'he doesn't look like he could protect anything' at which point I stop taking her seriously. <<Shrug>>.
Yeah, we'll have to disagree. As far as the pictures, I do agree with you on he needs more. I'm not saying he has to go out and do something he's not comfortable with, just something more. There's nothing in his picture that draws me in or is warm and inviting. I will agree that that is just my opinion.
I'll comment on the protector part again and I will drop it.
I'm just saying that women are naturally attracted to men who can protect them, offer them security and safety. Even if we realize this or not, it's true. Even very independent women seek this out. I'm a nurse with a psychology major in Grad school. I've done extensive research on this. I've found it quite fascinating. Some of my fellow students and I were having a little fun. We browsed male pictures and kept a list of who we found attractive. Every single one of us were more attracted to the rugged type male. These women were anywhere from 23 years old all the way to around 55. Not saying that I am 100% correctly speaking for every female in the entire world, just speaking from personal experience and about a year of school research and 3 of personal.
One of my passions is finding out the attractions and workings of males and females. Together, getting together, and apart. It's been so much fun.
Location: On the "Left Coast", somewhere in "the Land of Fruits & Nuts"
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Yes, a lot of those kinds of things are really "relative", just like what some guys apparently appreciate in Texas women (i.e. "big hair") might have a very different "image" in, say, Seattle! And what looks like a "protector" in TN may be very different than in "Silicon Valley"!
Everyone is attracted to someone different. That's the joy of dating. What you consider to look like 'manly' man, may be attractive to you, but deeply unattractive to someone else. That's why the kind of comments you are making are actually really quite mean, and counter productive. Make suggestions by all means, but attacking the guy's masculinity isn't going to help. Especially when there are clearly other women who think he's attractive just as he is.
Maybe his concern about having a family is coming over as desperation? Maybe his profile isn't as good as he thinks it is? There could be all sorts of reasons why he is having trouble attracting the right person. I just don't see his looks as being one of them.
It could be a lot of things. I never said he wasn't couldn't protect anything or was ugly.
I'm going on what he has given. We see a pic. I've told him he is attractive. I'm just giving a little advice on the things I can. Like I said, he's obviously not attracting what he's looking for. So as long as the new pictures aren't a total lie of who he is, then take new ones and have fun with it. Be relaxed. Maybe a little more masculine. I am not saying he isn't masculine, but I don't see it. Yes, that's my opinion. You have yours and that's okay for us to disagree.
I just don't see how he can't take both of our advice. I mean, that's possible right? What would it hurt?
And if he is desperate about a family and kids, you're right. Major turn off to some people. Could be a too much too soon sort of feeling.
You don't see his looks as one of them because you are fine with his picture. That's cool. I, however, do see a problem. I like to attract all different kinds of men because you never know what you're going to get with that. So my advice to him, is to see what he can do to attract different kinds of women. That might work. Might not. *shrugs*
But right now, I think of it like this. He has 2 women talking about him.
1) You who would date him as is.
2) Me who would pass as is.
If he added a picture of himself outside, a little dirty, leaned on a car that he's been restoring because that's his passion, would that turn you off?
It might make me more interested. And it's not about the car or him being dirty. It's about him doing something he likes.I guess his picture isn't really personal. It's just him, sitting, smiling. Tells me nothing about him. The picture could be him playing chess or scrabble or skiing or swimming or just sitting outside on his deck because he loves it. Who knows.
Maybe I did say some things that might have offended him. If I did, that was far from my intention. I'm just trying to help.
Location: On the "Left Coast", somewhere in "the Land of Fruits & Nuts"
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Geez, Mandy, cut the poor guy some slack! He's a decent looking fellow and he works in Financial Services, not Drywall or Auto Parts! So just because he can't find some Georgia "southern belle" who appreciates him, doesn't mean there's something wrong with him. Heck, there are plenty of gals out here who'd jump on this guy in a flash (if for no other reason than he has a job)!
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