Online dating... to reply or not to, if you're "not interested"? (movies, girls)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
He lives in Atlanta, which isn't too far from where I'm at. I never said he wasn't decent looking. And honestly, I don't really care what a guy does for a living as long as they don't expect me to support them. I never said anything was "wrong with him". I don't think there is anything wrong with him. I'm not bashing anything about him EXCEPT for the TYPE of picture he has. Every single dating site stresses the types of pictures to put up. But you're gonna judge me for saying the same?
I'm just being honest and voicing my opinion and TRYING TO HELP THE GUY OUT. Everyone is entitled to their opinionbBut I guess my opinion isn't respected here. Thanks for the warm welcome.
It could be a lot of things. I never said he wasn't couldn't protect anything.
If he added a picture of himself outside, a little dirty, leaned on a car that he's been restoring because that's his passion, would that turn you off?
It might make me more interested. And it's not about the car or him being dirty. It's about him doing something he likes.I guess his picture isn't really personal. It's just him, sitting, smiling. Tells me nothing about him. The picture could be him playing chess or scrabble or skiing or swimming or just sitting outside on his deck because he loves it. Who knows.
Maybe I did say some things that might have offended him. If I did, that was far from my intention. I'm just trying to help.
As far as you Atl, good luck and best wishes.
Weeeellll, not trying to be picky, but you DID say: "As I said, women, without even knowing it, look for protectors and he looks like he couldn't protect anything."
That's just mean IMHO.
The car thing does nothing for me at all, so yes for ME that would be a turn off - but I agree that a pic showing some of his interests might help. For me personally I would like to see pics traveling, doing some outdoorsy stuff or simply hanging out at some nice looking restaurants with a glass of wine. But that's because those are things I enjoy sharing with my husband.
For others it could be bowling, chess, rock climbing, religious stuff or simply hanging out at a bar. Everyone is different and what people find attractive is different.
Some guy covered in oil tinkering with a car could be fine, or it could be a huge turn off. Is he going to tinker with the car all weekend, every weekend? I can't imagine anything worse.
Location: On the "Left Coast", somewhere in "the Land of Fruits & Nuts"
8,852 posts, read 10,476,078 times
Reputation: 6670
Well, this is getting a bit off the OP, but in fairness, apparently there's actually been some research about what kinds of photos and poses receive the most responses in online dating, and for men, it's true that not smiling and looking away from the camera were found to have the most appeal to women!
But the question I have to ask is, appealing to what kinds of women? And are they a good fit for that particular guy?
But the question I have to ask is, appealing to what kinds of women? And are they a good fit for that particular guy?
Exactly!
That's the exact point.
Agree we're off topic though.... so to give me opinion to the original question, I guess saying 'i don't think we're a good fit' is the way to go. It sounds like online dating requires thick skin! Being told 'not interested' must get a bit rough after a while!
Having said that I know a lot of couples who met online and are now married with kids so I guess it can definitely work!
Well I know what works. My advice stands and apparently it's supported by some random survey. The ATLGuy looks decent, maybe not photogenic but I can see potential.
With a new (better) photo, whether the women he attracts or a good fit or not is the biggest questions but your pick out 10 instead of 0 have to mean your odds are MUCH better in finding that "good fit"
And a little bit back on topic... Taking the online OFF of dating as quickly as possible is the best way of landing someone. You don't want to waste all the good stuff when you can be getting to know that new person while staring in his/her eyes.
Location: On the "Left Coast", somewhere in "the Land of Fruits & Nuts"
8,852 posts, read 10,476,078 times
Reputation: 6670
Quote:
Originally Posted by recuerdeme
Well I know what works. My advice stands and apparently it's supported by some random survey. The ATLGuy looks decent, maybe not photogenic but I can see potential.
With a new (better) photo, whether the women he attracts or a good fit or not is the biggest questions but your pick out 10 instead of 0 have to mean your odds are MUCH better in finding that "good fit"
And a little bit back on topic... Taking the online OFF of dating as quickly as possible is the best way of landing someone. You don't want to waste all the good stuff when you can be getting to know that new person while staring in his/her eyes.
That's true, you'll get more "choices". But then you also get into the "quantity vs quality" issue about whether it's better to seek that "special" someone who appreciates "you" (flaws and all), or setting out the "bait" and just "settling" for the "least objectionable one who's interested"!
And I do agree re: the wisdom of meeting ASAP (and the all-important "chemistry"). Although let's not overlook the unique advantage of online dating compared to first meeting folks in real life. At least online (and on the phone), you get the chance to discover an awful lot of "interesting" things beforehand!
And I do agree re: the wisdom of meeting ASAP (and the all-important "chemistry"). Although let's not overlook the unique advantage of online dating compared to first meeting folks in real life. At least online (and on the phone), you get the chance to discover an awful lot of "interesting" things beforehand!
This is a good point. I have been in relationships because of initial chemistry but they did not work out because of ultimately not having the same interests or outlook on things. Frankly, I think this it how it typically goes, and hopefully it works out. At least on-line you can focus on people that are similar based on what the like and what they want.
Location: On the "Left Coast", somewhere in "the Land of Fruits & Nuts"
8,852 posts, read 10,476,078 times
Reputation: 6670
Quote:
Originally Posted by mandyccp
I have to agree with the photo comment, and I'm a 26 year old female. Maybe you should post your profile information to clarify.
Your picture looks off. The big big smile might be a turn off to some women, myself included. Men are "supposed" to be tough guys. I guess it makes you look too cheesy in a sense. I know the tough guy is part of society's labels but it still stands true.
Even back in early days of human civilizations, women wanted a protector. You seem too polished to protect anyone. Maybe go for more rugged photos, like you doing something manly, without a big grin on your face.
Actually I think Mandy usually seems to have pretty good down-to-earth judgment here, so this one kinda catches my interest a bit. And speaking as someone of the "mature" generation, I've lived in both "urban" and "rural" areas, and have noticed that generally speaking, there does seem to be a significant difference in female "druthers" in each "culture", with the "rural" and "southern" gals seeking more traditionally-defined "manly" types. So it's probably more of a cultural and regional difference.
Although I'm sorta curious, if "protection" is really such a big priority, what are they supposed to be protecting you from these days? Not that women in the more "urban" engineering/medical/educational/financial/tech cultures don't have their own "priorities", but looking for a glorified "bodyguard" sure ain't at the top of their list... at least judging by their boyfriends and husbands that I've known!
Atlguy39, that's a good pic. Adding some more with full body shots would be helpful.
It's so funny how 20 somethings say 'protector' when what they really mean is a playa type. One who won't look you in the eyes and smile, one who makes you guess about his affection for you (so you can bore your friends to tears discussing what he meant by what he said & his actions confuse you yet he's such a catch!). You like the thrill of the chase and the idea of being chosen by a man who has many to choose from. It's all ego and no clue what a good relationship is built on.
If his dating age group is in their 30's, they've dated the tough/mysterious men and have come to the conclusion they can stick their mystery. Older women are looking for a sincere, nice guy with a good job. That is the true definition of a protector. One who takes care of your emotional needs and there is no doubt he'll be there for you thru thick & thin.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
