Online dating... to reply or not to, if you're "not interested"? (lover, older)

[FBJ]

Originally Posted by mateo45

So if somebody "winks", emails you a note, communicates a bit, or otherwise expresses "interest" online, what happens if you're "not interested"? Is it better to drop a note and politely say "no thanks", etc. or should you just ignore them?

I'm thinking particularly of instances where maybe you've both had at least a couple email exchanges or even a phone call, but it soon becomes apparent that you're not a good "fit". Now maybe it's different when women say "no" to men, but I'm surprised at how many gals don't seem to be able to accept a polite "sorry we didn't work out, but best of luck in your search". And after receiving a few cranky replies, enumerating my (many) faults, and that I was basically doing them a "favor", etc. by ending things, frankly it's difficult not to consider the option of doing nothing and simply letting things "drift off"!

So what's the consensus out there these days in "Online Dating Land" re: saying "thanks, but no thanks"....?

Most stupid girls reply back with a "THANKS" and nothing else if they are not interested.

[mandyccp]

This has gotten out of hand as far as the protector goes. I guess no one really knows much about history and what women and men subconsciously look for in a SO. I give up trying to explain.

So to get the subject dropped, yes, I'm 26 and know nothing about what attracts people. And yes, a protector is a player. I'm dying to catch a disease and get pregnant by a man who is sleeping with me and 100 other women. That's my protector!!!!

I give up. Thank you all for twisting my words around.

[Atlguy39]

Originally Posted by Donna in AZ

Atlguy39, that's a good pic. Adding some more with full body shots would be helpful.

Thanks Donna. I hadn't read this today and didn't even realize I was being talked about. Maybe thats a good thing, as people seem to think I take bad pictures (I agree). I will have some different pics up soon as I did a modeling shoot this week. Just waiting on the pics. Hopefully, that will help. There's some of me in a suit, jogging in the park, casual, etc.

[Donna in AZ]

I don't know what you mean by a protector. To be physically protected? How & when is this ever an issue? Are you being ravaged by strangers constantly and can't appear in public without a man to protect you?

Oh and that article. If a guy posted a pic of himself without a shirt on showing off his ab's, I'd think he was looking for hook-ups and not a relationship.

Knight, are you reading this? I can see your problem with women and sympathize.

[Atlguy39]

Originally Posted by Hobokenkitchen

Oh lord, the last thing many (most?), mentally healthy, secure women in their 30s are looking for is someone trying to look tough.

I think your photo is good. You look attractive and a smile is always a big plus. You don't look gay.

If you are having trouble with dating my guess is that the problem is with your profile or the types of women you are approaching... you know 20 somethings who are looking for a tough guy.

I am (happily married) 33 so hopefully an age in your target group and I think your pic is great! Do you have others too or is that the only one? I would concentrate on your profile and maybe ask a female friend or sister who's opinion you value for feedback on your profile.

Good luck! The advantage of being a man is you can have babies later, so don't stress. There's nothing that's more of a turn off than someone who's desperate. If you feel you could be giving off desperate vibes then address that first!

Originally Posted by mateo45

Geez, Mandy, cut the poor guy some slack! He's a decent looking fellow and he works in Financial Services, not Drywall or Auto Parts! So just because he can't find some Georgia "southern belle" who appreciates him, doesn't mean there's something wrong with him. Heck, there are plenty of gals out here who'd jump on this guy in a flash (if for no other reason than he has a job)!

Thank you, thank you, thank you Hobokenkitchen and Mateo! I am a "tough guy". I work out and am in good shape and love sports, etc. 20 somethings don't look at me anymore anyway even though I look younger in person, so yes, my target is early-mid 30's. I do have more pics, but this is my best head shot picture I think. I will be changing it soon.

[Atlguy39]

I have 4 other pictures, mostly with friends. Mandy, you've convinced me to change my primary picture. I will change it on here too. I understand I'm really opening myself up for a world of hurt here, but here is my Match profile:

Easily approachable, I am the kind of man people seem comfortable to be around. Whether its taking a comedy class or learning a new Salsa step, I'm always up for an adventure. I see staying active as part of a healthy, balanced way of life. I enjoy going to concerts, sporting events, or dinner as much as staying in with a bottle of wine and a good movie. I'm handy in the kitchen, but I'd love it if you could cook with me.

I recently started volunteering as a Big Brother and really enjoy mentoring a kid who has never known his Father. I believe I'm making a positive difference in his life. Ultimately, I'm looking to settle down and have a family of my own.

My must haves: a woman who's down to earth, outgoing, health conscious, and a good communicator. Nothing's sexier than a woman who understands how to balance serious and silly. If you can laugh at the ridiculousness of life, online dating, and yourself, I'd like to get to know you better.



for fun:
Weekend getaways, college/pro football (Falcons), watching movies, hanging out with friends, working out, spending time with my "Little Brother".

my religion:
I go to Buckhead Church.

my education:
I am a CFA charterholder. For those who don't know, its an extremely challenging designation to get. Its the equivalent to a MBA in Investment Management.

favorite hot spots:
I love to travel and would like to do more of it. I prefer tropical climates, but also like to go skiing. My favorite vacation spot is Greece. I don't do the club scene anymore (will go see a band on occasion), but prefer casual neighborhood bars.

favorite things:
Rescue Me, Modern Family, Friday Night Lights, 80's music, U2, Frisbee on the beach, travel, pizza, a good bottle of red wine, FSU/Falcon football, live music, my cat, movies, the first days of Fall, making people laugh, sleeping in, sporting events

last read:
A few recent reads are: The 4 Agreements, Emotional Intelligence, Too Big to Fail, How Yoga Works. Read the Wall Street Journal daily

my pets:
Grew up with dogs and have a cat. I'm an animal lover.

[Donna in AZ]

Does Match have forums? Usually there's a place to have your profile reviewed.

[mateo45]

Originally Posted by Atlguy39

I understand I'm really opening myself up for a world of hurt here, but here is my Match profile:

That sounds fine for the "city" gals. Now just include that you like NASCAR, 4x4's, Jack Daniels and Kenny Chesney, and you should have all the bases covered!

[mandyccp]

Originally Posted by mateo45

That sounds fine for the "city" gals. Now just include that you like NASCAR, 4x4's, Jack Daniels and Kenny Chesney, and you should have all the bases covered!

LMAO! Another southern joke... Add football, a stick shift, a little wine, and Theory of a Deadman for me!

[mateo45]

OK, OK, I'll re-phrase that... mention NASCAR, 4x4's, Jack Daniels and Kenny Chesney, and he should grow a "soul patch"..... THEN he'll have all the bases covered (except for maybe a few stray goths and emo's)!