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Make sure your actions match your words: Don't send mixed messages by telling her that you don't want to be serious but then wondering where she is on Saturday night and why she doesn't answer her phone.
If you don't want to be serious with a woman, only date women who don't want to be serious with you either.
BBJ - Can you clarify why you wouldn't do it or recommend it? You don't think people who are not ready for serious relationships (such as confirmed bachelors, college students, etc.) should date?
Dating more than one person at the same time. Sometimes in excess of five or more. Now that's just ridiculous IMO. To each their own I guess. I stay away from gals like that. They never take you seriously and someone is gonna get hurt. It usually isn't them, if you know what I mean? I just avoid it and won't get mixed up in that riff raff anymore. I've been there and done that which it didn't end well. No more!
Sarah on Sunday..... Kim on Monday.... Nancy on Tuesday......Melissa on Wednesday......Jill on Thursday...... Kathy on Friday...... and Karen on Saturday! WTF??? LOL
If you can pull this off, you have "game" peeps. How do you even remember their names and keep them straight? What about individual needs, wants, hobbies etc? So Karen....... IT'S JILL! LMAO Please tell me this is NOT RIGHT? Yeah, I was only one of FOUR!
I am slowly but surely trying to get back into dating after a long drought (i.e.: very few dates, turning down offers from women that weren't of interest to me, lack of confidence, taking a while to reel from a relationship that hurt me, etc.)
To be clear, I do not want anything serious. I'm a 20-something male living in a large Midwestern city and, given job interviews and opportunities (hopeful), may not even be living here in a few months. (Actually, I'm hoping to leave the area.)
Also, to be clear, I'm not a kind of man wh*re; I don't just talk to women for the pursuit of the skirt. If I'm going to go out with a woman, I have to see some common interest, personality, humor, or any combination of the three present before the date. I certainly am not quick to jump into bed with a woman. I don't go on dates with women just for the sex potential. I've always been this way. Having said that, while dating doesn't necessarily mean sex, if it turns out that sex is involved, then so be it. If the dating doesn't pan out, then if a friendship evolves, then so be it. I'm willing just to let things "run their course."
The other issue is this: I went on a date a few days ago with an attractive woman that I felt I hit it off with. She even kissed me at the end of the date. Here's the thing: she told me that she has children. I don't want kids right now. However, I don't feel like this should necessarily be a deal-breaker since I don't want any serious commitment.
So, back to the question in the title: I feel like I should be very honest about it. She can either take it or leave it, I suppose. Should I just lead into it gradually or subtly? Or, should I not even just touch on it and let things run their course?
Thanks, EclecticEars
If you don't want anything serious and only want to date casually then sex shouldn't enter the equation.
And women shouldn't be so forthcoming with sex for men who tell them up front that they only want to date "casually".
Quote:
Here's the thing: she told me that she has children. I don't want kids right now. However, I don't feel like this should necessarily be a deal-breaker since I don't want any serious commitment.
If you only want a casual "every now and then meet for a date" relationship with her. Tell her.
If I were single, I would Straight up tell the person, "you seem cool, but I'm not looking for anything too serious",
Have FUN!!
BUT--What if you meet the "right" one!!! HAHAHAHA
party over...
If I were single, I would Straight up tell the person, "you seem cool, but I'm not looking for anything too serious",
Have FUN!!
BUT--What if you meet the "right" one!!! HAHAHAHA
party over...
There isn't anything wrong with this "casual" kind of dating. It's just when casual becomes "playing" I'm not interested!
Let's see..... Joe's taking me to Texas Roadhouse on Monday....... Steve's taking me to Applebee's on Tuesday..... Jeff is taking me to Red Lobster on Wednesday..... etc..etc... Have I got it just about figured out yet girls?
Make sure your actions match your words: Don't send mixed messages by telling her that you don't want to be serious but then wondering where she is on Saturday night and why she doesn't answer her phone.
If you don't want to be serious with a woman, only date women who don't want to be serious with you either.
Agree. However, most women, even when starting off in a casual relationship, end up getting emotionally attached to the guy and wanting something more serious. This is a common problem with FWB relationships. And if the 20 year old O.P. dates another 20 year old, most likely that young woman will get attached to him. I see this all the time amongst my young friends and co-workers. When they are young, they still hope for their Prince Charming. Later on, they get more cynical about the men they date.
I am slowly but surely trying to get back into dating after a long drought (i.e.: very few dates, turning down offers from women that weren't of interest to me, lack of confidence, taking a while to reel from a relationship that hurt me, etc.)
To be clear, I do not want anything serious. I'm a 20-something male living in a large Midwestern city and, given job interviews and opportunities (hopeful), may not even be living here in a few months. (Actually, I'm hoping to leave the area.)
Also, to be clear, I'm not a kind of man wh*re; I don't just talk to women for the pursuit of the skirt. If I'm going to go out with a woman, I have to see some common interest, personality, humor, or any combination of the three present before the date. I certainly am not quick to jump into bed with a woman. I don't go on dates with women just for the sex potential. I've always been this way. Having said that, while dating doesn't necessarily mean sex, if it turns out that sex is involved, then so be it. If the dating doesn't pan out, then if a friendship evolves, then so be it. I'm willing just to let things "run their course."
The other issue is this: I went on a date a few days ago with an attractive woman that I felt I hit it off with. She even kissed me at the end of the date. Here's the thing: she told me that she has children. I don't want kids right now. However, I don't feel like this should necessarily be a deal-breaker since I don't want any serious commitment.
So, back to the question in the title: I feel like I should be very honest about it. She can either take it or leave it, I suppose. Should I just lead into it gradually or subtly? Or, should I not even just touch on it and let things run their course?
Thanks, EclecticEars
If I may ask, what then, is your purpose in dating right now? You've established very clearly that you will not consider anything long-term no matter how ideal the candidate might be, because of your current situation (you plan to move imminently.) That's very reasonable. However, knowing this, I can't understand why you're so intent on actively *dating* right now. Would it not be better just to hang out with friends? Most people when they date are either looking a partner or are looking for casual sex. I guess I'm kind of confused (perhaps you do know and I'm just not understanding) as to what your ultimate goal actually is.
That being said, where are you meeting these women? If it's through a dating site like Match or something, then I think you need to be absolutely upfront about your limitations in your profile, and again when you make contact with the woman through email. I would write specifically that you plan to move soon and that there is no possibility of any relationship or things turning into anything serious. If you are meeting girls some other way, then I would be upfront about this fact before the actual date, perhaps when talking to them or contacting them to set up the date. I think the right thing to do is to establish from the beginning what you're looking for so that you don't end up wasting someone's time. While I don't think there's anything wrong with dating just for entertainment if you want to, since many people date hoping to find a partner, I think it's the right thing to do not to lead some poor woman on... you wouldn't want her thinking there was the possibility of something more when you knew there never could be, no matter how great she was, right? She should have a choice in whether or not she wants to say yes to a date under those circumstances, before wasting her time getting ready and/or potentially turning down other guys who might be offering what she really wants.
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Please tell me this is NOT RIGHT?
