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I've been married for 5 years to my husband. We have had no real issues with our relationship until now.
I recently got back in touch with a male friend that I knew way before I knew my husband. He's a guitarist in a fairly successful local band and I would always go to his shows. We became good friends and confided in one another, although it was never "romantic" and purely platonic. I lost touch with this guy just after I got married, but thanks to Facebook, I found him. Now we also play World Of Warcraft together, as we are both game nerds.
Now we email one another and my friend actually confided in me and told me about how some girl had f'd him over. We spoke for over and hour and I did the right thing and told my hubby, but he didn't say much.
The problem is that my hubby clearly is uncomfortable with my male friend. He told me the other day that he is fine with me having male friends, as long as he trusts them and knows them (????). He doesn't like this particular male friend because he feels inferior to him as he knows I like music and creativity, while my hubby isn't musical. I keep telling him that he has nothing to worry about and that I'd never meet my friend alone without him, but he is now paranoid about us emailing one another and for some reason is upset that my friend confided in me about his personal problems.
We had a massive argument yesterday with him saying "Sorry I don't have any musical talent" and storming off. I don't want to ditch my friend, but what should I do? My husband doesn't like him, but he won't tell me outright to cease contact with this person. Most of the friendship is just over email and World Of Warcraft. I am beside myself as to why he is acting like such a jerk, knowing that I have few friends.
I have male friends at work, but I have gone out of my way to make sure my husband knows them and I do NOT spend time alone with them. If I go out to lunch with one, it is with a group.
It's your job to make sure your husband is comfortable with your friendships. HE is your first priority. Also, can we all be honest? Most male friends are willing, if not trying, to get into our pants. We know it, they know it and you can be sure, your husband knows it.
EDIT: my hubby is even now paranoid about Facebook because I clicked "like" on a post by my friend where he posted a pic of himself. He has gone into this "sorry I'm not talented" sulk and won't talk 2 me.
I have male friends at work, but I have gone out of my way to make sure my husband knows them and I do NOT spend time alone with them. If I go out to lunch with one, it is with a group.
It's your job to make sure your husband is comfortable with your friendships. HE is your first priority. Also, can we all be honest? Most male friends are willing, if not trying, to get into our pants. We know it, they know it and you can be sure, your husband knows it.
My hubby has met my friend but has chosen to not like him for some reason I have assured him that our friendship has always been platonic, but he says he doesn't trust my friend or his intentions. I am more hurt by the fact that he doesn't trust me. I have never and would never meet my friend alone. Now he is paranoid about emails, facebook and WoW!
Your husband is insecure, and you need to respect that. However, if he'd be willing to meet your friend with you, he may get over it if he doesn't perceive the friend as a potential rival or threat. I think persuading him to meet your friend, along with reassurance that he's the one you chose and continue to choose to be with, may work. Since he says he's okay if he knows and trusts your male friends, then ask him to prove he means it with this friend.
Edit: Okay, I see you've tried that with no success. The question now becomes, is your husband going to be paranoid about any present or future male friend, or is it just something about this guy? If it's just this one guy, you should probably just let it go, but if it's going to be any male friend or associate, then your husband may become more paranoid, suspicious, and even controlling - and that could be a major problem for your relationship. I think this should be addressed sooner rather than later, even if it means counselling to discuss the issue rather than avoid it. He needs reassurance and the ability to trust, and you need his trust.
You're either bragging that you have a "male friend" or you are completely clueless. There is no room in a marriage for your old "male friend." Ditch him before you husband figures out that he married a woman without proper boundaries and does the smart thing and drops you like a bad of dirt.
I have male friends at work, but I have gone out of my way to make sure my husband knows them and I do NOT spend time alone with them. If I go out to lunch with one, it is with a group.
It's your job to make sure your husband is comfortable with your friendships. HE is your first priority. Also, can we all be honest? Most male friends are willing, if not trying, to get into our pants. We know it, they know it and you can be sure, your husband knows it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TaoistDude
Your husband is insecure, and you need to respect that. However, if he'd be willing to meet your friend with you, he may get over it if he doesn't perceive the friend as a potential rival or threat. I think persuading him to meet your friend, along with reassurance that he's the one you chose and continue to choose to be with, may work. Since he says he's okay if he knows and trusts your male friends, then ask him to prove he means it with this friend.
He is insecure!! I have suggested inviting my friend round or going to one of his shows together, but he is so opposed to it and it leads to his stupid inferiority to other men demons coming out. I don't know what to do anymore. This should not be a choice anyone has to make. It's not like he's never met my friend and it's not like I hang out with him alone!!
You're either bragging that you have a "male friend" or you are completely clueless. There is no room in a marriage for your old "male friend." Ditch him before you husband figures out that he married a woman without proper boundaries and does the smart thing and drops you like a bad of dirt.
So because I'm married, I can't have friends?? I already explained that there was never any romance in the friendship even before I knew my husband when I was single. What do I tel my friend? Sorry I can't email you anymore because my husband is an insecure control freak?
Did you try reversing roles and putting yourself in your husband's place? What if he got in touch w/ an old friend and wanted to spend time online w/ her on FB playing games and emailing? What if he wanted to follow her band around? What if he was bragging on a talent she had that you didn't?
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