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OMG I didn't confide in my friend..he confided in me and told me that he came close to killing himself after his ex screwed him over and landed him in court. My husband didn't seem to care or want to talk about it and it caused tension. Like I said, this guy is basically a little brother to me. I love my husband.
Then get off the Internet and go beg him for forgiveness. And ditch the manchild. He can find another victim.
OMG I didn't confide in my friend..he confided in me and told me that he came close to killing himself after his ex screwed him over and landed him in court. My husband didn't seem to care or want to talk about it and it caused tension. Like I said, this guy is basically a little brother to me. I love my husband.
Then act like it!
Be willing to put him first in your life.
Tell him you are sorry anything you did hurt him, and mean it when you say it.
Explain to your friend that you wish him well but that as long as your husband is uncomfortable with your involvment with him that you'll have to limit your relationship to Christmas and birthday cards.
What do you mean you "found" him on Facebook? Are you going around looking for your old male friends?
My gut is firing here big time. I think there's more to this story than you're letting on. My hunch is that others are picking up on it, too, which is why you're getting the responses you're getting.
No one is saying that you can't have male friends. No one is saying that you have to give in to jealous tantrums, either.
But they are saying that your husband and marriage should be more important to you than this "friend."
If I were you, I would step away from this renewed friendship, slowly and quietly. No flouncing. No grand announcements either to your friend or your husband. No "my husband doesn't want me talking to you" and no "there, I cut him off, HAPPY NOW?" In other words, no drama. Maintain your dignity AND your husband's.
Just fall out of touch with the guy, be too busy for his calls, lose his number, fail to return his emails, and stop "liking" things on his page. Let the situation putter out and demonstrate to both of them through your actions that this new friend is not a big deal to you. That way you don't feel like you've been manipulated, your husband knows you did the right thing (because you will never mention this friend to him again), the friend doesn't get any wrong ideas, and you've all saved face.
I bet your hubby would not be so concerned if the guy had a wife AND A LIFE. Confiding in you and crying on your shoulder is bad news and a bad sign. Tell the guy to get into counseling or get him in contact with the local mental health organization. I know so many people who started out cheating this way. It helps them to rationalize this bad behavior. You want to help him and rescue him. Roll eyes.
Also, the guy can play the guitar----big whoop. I know a guy who was a good guitar player but all he did was mooch on people and never got his life together. My cousin was married to him but finally had to divorce him, he was such a baby. They had 3 kids but he never supported them. He was a drinker and died last year from liver damage. He never had a serious relationship or could sustain one. He was going to make it big as a musician-----yeah right. He never wanted to grow up and liked to have his fun and women. Sad for the kids.
OMG I didn't confide in my friend..he confided in me and told me that he came close to killing himself after his ex screwed him over and landed him in court. My husband didn't seem to care or want to talk about it and it caused tension. Like I said, this guy is basically a little brother to me. I love my husband.
That's how it starts.
If you haven't already, then soon enough you'll be telling him intimate details of your life or the things about your hubby that drive you crazy.
Seriously there have got to be boundries in a marriage and you are crossing all over yours.
Your hubby needs to realize that you have a right to have friends. He chose to dislike your friend due to unfounded jealousies. This is pretty immature. While "ditching your friend" might seem like an easy solution, I would not give in to your husband's immaturity because it can only lead to the slippery slope of more jealousies, more controlling behaviors, more restrictions. I have been down this slope before and I refused to give in to the ridiculous tantrums. There is nothing wrong with admiring a platonic friend for his talent - as long as you are clear to yourself, your friend, and your husband that this is all just platonic. You aren't hanging out with him in person, getting emotionally invested, or anything weird. Plus I totally get that you knew him even before you knew your husband. I don't know why people choose to condone such insecurity. However, make sure that you are being honest with yourself that it is really just platonic... that too is a slippery slope! Good luck with your insecure hubby - he just needs to see the light.
There is no shame in questioning a situation or venting under cover of anonymity. I think it's good to get second opinions.
I've been married for 5 years to my husband. We have had no real issues with our relationship until now.
I recently got back in touch with a male friend that I knew way before I knew my husband. He's a guitarist in a fairly successful local band and I would always go to his shows. We became good friends and confided in one another, although it was never "romantic" and purely platonic. I lost touch with this guy just after I got married, but thanks to Facebook, I found him. Now we also play World Of Warcraft together, as we are both game nerds.
Now we email one another and my friend actually confided in me and told me about how some girl had f'd him over. We spoke for over and hour and I did the right thing and told my hubby, but he didn't say much.
The problem is that my hubby clearly is uncomfortable with my male friend. He told me the other day that he is fine with me having male friends, as long as he trusts them and knows them (????). He doesn't like this particular male friend because he feels inferior to him as he knows I like music and creativity, while my hubby isn't musical. I keep telling him that he has nothing to worry about and that I'd never meet my friend alone without him, but he is now paranoid about us emailing one another and for some reason is upset that my friend confided in me about his personal problems.
We had a massive argument yesterday with him saying "Sorry I don't have any musical talent" and storming off. I don't want to ditch my friend, but what should I do? My husband doesn't like him, but he won't tell me outright to cease contact with this person. Most of the friendship is just over email and World Of Warcraft. I am beside myself as to why he is acting like such a jerk, knowing that I have few friends.
Thank you for listening.
Wait, you're married five years.
You have no real issues with the husband.
Yet you reconnect with an old friend, and you like his picture?? All this when your husband can see what you are up to on facebook.
And you play world of warcraft??
Seriously?? What the hell is wrong with you?? You clearly need to set your priorities straight.
This is going in the wrong track and you know it. Quit playing all these games and start playing farmville with your new friend
Your hubby needs to realize that you have a right to have friends. He chose to dislike your friend due to unfounded jealousies. This is pretty immature. While "ditching your friend" might seem like an easy solution, I would not give in to your husband's immaturity because it can only lead to the slippery slope of more jealousies, more controlling behaviors, more restrictions. I have been down this slope before and I refused to give in to the ridiculous tantrums. There is nothing wrong with admiring a platonic friend for his talent - as long as you are clear to yourself, your friend, and your husband that this is all just platonic. You aren't hanging out with him in person, getting emotionally invested, or anything weird. Plus I totally get that you knew him even before you knew your husband. I don't know why people choose to condone such insecurity. However, make sure that you are being honest with yourself that it is really just platonic... that too is a slippery slope! Good luck with your insecure hubby - he just needs to see the light.
There is no shame in questioning a situation under cover of anonymity. I think it's good to get second opinions.
OMG I didn't confide in my friend..he confided in me and told me that he came close to killing himself after his ex screwed him over and landed him in court. My husband didn't seem to care or want to talk about it and it caused tension. Like I said, this guy is basically a little brother to me. I love my husband.
No, his girlfriend did not screw him over---there are 2 sides to every story and if you only believe his side you are naive. Your husband is smart not to want to get into this drama. I hope you are as smart as he is. If not you will be divorced and wishing you had not gone there in a year from now. I don't know why women want to hurt a perfectly great man for a louse. Seems to happen more and more now.
Your hubby needs to realize that you have a right to have friends. He chose to dislike your friend due to unfounded jealousies. This is pretty immature. While "ditching your friend" might seem like an easy solution, I would not give in to your husband's immaturity because it can only lead to the slippery slope of more jealousies, more controlling behaviors, more restrictions. I have been down this slope before and I refused to give in to the ridiculous tantrums. There is nothing wrong with admiring a platonic friend for his talent - as long as you are clear to yourself, your friend, and your husband that this is all just platonic. You aren't hanging out with him in person, getting emotionally invested, or anything weird. Plus I totally get that you knew him even before you knew your husband. I don't know why people choose to condone such insecurity. However, make sure that you are being honest with yourself that it is really just platonic... that too is a slippery slope! Good luck with your insecure hubby - he just needs to see the light.
There is no shame in questioning a situation under cover of anonymity. I think it's good to get second opinions.
Well, OP, here's your support system. Calling your husband jealous and immature. Why don't you two go out for a drink with the manchild and beat up on your husband all night. I have a feeling the above is a willing participant.
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What do you mean you "found" him on Facebook? Are you going around looking for your old male friends?
