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[quote=LosinIt;18185676]I am so lost.. not sure what to do. Am very sad, do not know if I want to even be on this planet anymore.
I know how you feel since for me the pain is still fresh and I got pretty sick not eating or sleeping well because i'm a diabetic and hoped low sugar would kill me so I didn't have to deal with the pain.
I followed the wonderful advice of others here on the forum and today after finally sleeping properly ..first time in a week
I woke up refreshed and actually feeling like I had a weight lifted off my shoulders.
Keep in mind you have done nothing wrong he is the one that is selfish and self centered.
It might hurt so bad right now but you deserve better and I'd take the advice to toss him to the curb...and so what if he sleeps on the lawn.
like someone else suggested turn the sprinklers on at 4am daily.
hugs to you and don't let him win this manipulation battle you deserve to be number 1 as a wife.
just post here for support so many helped me through believe it or not you are not alone esp. if you don't want to confide in family or close friends.
I could have bailed and went on my way after all i just went through but waking this morning I also thought ...gosh I felt so used...so worthless so torn and got so much love and support....i have to pay this forward and set a high example that if I can do it so can others..and let me tell you others will cheer you forward as well
* * You are right. When this first came out, he told me to take all the money if I wanted to leave. He told me it was not about the money, but, that he had to come clean with me as it was driving him nuts.
(rewind to prior event, before I found out about the affair/relationship)
When he stopped going over to her, she started calling his cell, and he told me to answer his cell, that she was bugging him. I berated her for contacting him personally, that she was disrespecting me... then a day or so later I contacted her house and her mother said she was going to switch contractors because I was being disrespectful to her daughter...
I said what are you talking about? She said that she came home from work to find her daughter hysterical and crying, that I had been mean to her... I told the mother that I had just asked her daughter (45 by the way) to stop calling my husband personally.. that she should go thru the office, not him for questions/solutions.
*** During the "confession" phase, he told me that when he had gone to their house, the daughter was crying, and he was so taken aback that he went over to comfort her, and that is how this all started... that when he was giving her a hug, she planted a big kiss on him and initiated... he said he told her that he could not do that, and she was like, oh, just once... once turned out to...
well, you know just about the rest of the story.
Sorry, he's blaming her for the start of the relationship. It takes two to tango. There is always going to be temptations in life but we have to be strong and realize that our love for our wife/husband is greater.
Even if he accidentally started something with her, it still doesn't excuse the last 8 years. If this affair would have happened a couple of months ago, I might be writing something different. BUT this is a long term 8 year relationship. Both of them are emotionally tied to each other.
I see it wasn't a band but he's a contractor. I guess you're the office manager and keep the books for his business.
It's all up to what you want to do in your marriage. But could you ever be able to trust him again? For me, once the trust is gone, the relationship is over.
You could still have a business relationship but not a romantic marriage relationship but at this stage it would be hard.
Oh, absolutely you are and rightfully so. Take things minute to minute right now. Be kind to yourself. Get away and go have a spa day. Go to lunch. Get your hair and nails done. Whatever it takes for you to feel good about yourself. Don't beat yourself up at this point. Take deep breathes during the day.
Huh? He cheated on you for 8 years....and still does by lying and then going out to see her.
....and you still haven't divorced him.
Really, what do you want us to say?
Either live with the status quo or move on with your life. He isn't changing and he sure as heck doesn't love you.
That is what his girlfriend told him...
But,.. she was a toy, and he does not want her as in live with her, be with her for ANY length of time...
he said he lied, figured I would never know, as every now and then he does have to substitute in a band... he said the reason was is he knew I would be again upset with him...
But,.. she was a toy, and he does not want her as in live with her, be with her for ANY length of time...
he said he lied, figured I would never know, as every now and then he does have to substitute in a band... he said the reason was is he knew I would be again upset with him...
No duh.
Right now he is wining and dining you to get back in your good grace but I can tell you right now, he will always be tied to her. It showed at your anniversary dinner. That right there showed who his true alliance is with.
He can say all he wants and they do. They will buy you the moon, anything to get back in your good graces but it is all a show.
He will be going back to her after Europe but have a good time. It will be bitter sweet for you.
He has built up a successful business with you, he does not want to lose that too.
You have the power right now on what you want. If you want an open relationship of a marriage, which you do right now, then accept it and maybe you can find your own boy toy. But don't for one minute think your relationship with him will go back to the way it was. That part of your life is gone and destroyed.
But,.. she was a toy, and he does not want her as in live with her, be with her for ANY length of time...
he said he lied, figured I would never know, as every now and then he does have to substitute in a band... he said the reason was is he knew I would be again upset with him...
No duh.
And as far as him saying she was a toy. That's in bad taste and should show you what type of person he is. Don't you think he's telling his gf the same thing about you?
Right now, he's defusing the attention away from him and having both of you fighting over him.
It's up to you on what type of life you want. If you choose to stay with him, don't b#tch and complain. It's the life you chose.
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