Quote:
Originally Posted by Oneupandout
There's no one answer that fits because "separated" only describes a current condition - not the actual intentions of the people involved.
"Separated" can also mean "abandoned" or it could mean pending a divorce judgement, or any number of things which from the standpoint of the marriage continuing - present no risk to you dating or having a meaningful relationship.
The real issue here is not the "separation" but the "drama" and how much of it there is or is not. You won't know that until you ask and he tells all.
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I recommend simply asking.
Oneupandout makes good points, especially what separation means in terms of the emotional vs legal vs financial relationships.
Consider that relationships and people are unique. My own separation was LONG overdue, and we remained married on paper for health coverage, our financial relationship covered in an amiable
contract settlement agreement. We had lived together long past the time it was healthy -- so much so that I ended up in therapy to deal with it.
After we physically separated, I vowed no relationship for 2 years. Of course, a few months later, I met a woman who lived 200 miles away.
(Safe!) We both swore up and down that we were not interested in long-term commitment.
(Safer!) And swore we wouldn't get involved.
(Safest!) We of course, fell in love by email, met, and are married. When I asked my therapist if it was "too soon," he said, "Follow your gut,
what is the likelihood of something as good as this opportunity happening again?"
If you read around this site and look around in your life,
the odds of finding someone really compatible, I mean REALLY compatible are pretty slim. Had I made a hard/fast rule about getting involved, I don't think I'd be in a wonderful relationship.
Of course, while it's romantic to think it, I don't seriously believe everyone has one soul mate and only one of the 5+ billion people in the world is a perfect match. However, suspect I would have been miserable to take the safest route based on conventional wisdom or arbitrary timelines.
Of course, at my advanced age, I have come to understand that I have one chance to live this life fully. I am solely responsible for my own happiness and how I live. I have promised NOT to make the mistake of doing something ONLY to satisfy conventional wisdom. I will always endeavor to act in kindness and compassion, and give others the benefit of the doubt.
In the end -- all relationships and people are unique.
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