Is he just being in charge in bed? (boyfriends, marriage, cheated)
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Thank you everyone for all the advice. When I first had sex with him he said he needed telling what to do in bed. He says he misunderstood how I wanted him to be with me. Because he is nice in other ways and it has only happened once I want to try and talk to him and work it out.
I would like to be able to deal with my issues with my Dad as I seem to still have some, so that I can enjoy sex in different ways. I think the best thing is to find out what he is wanting from his sex life (as pointed out earlier you can't go against your natural desires) and take it from there. I know that his ex-wife didn't do much in bed from what he has told me, maybe I should quiz him more on this. If I find he really needs S & D / anal sex / rough treatment then I will have to call it a day. It is a shame that I feel it is because of my Dad that I have a problem with this. Perhaps if I knew my guy longer and we worked through this then we could reach a compromise in the bedroom, otherwise we really aren't compatable.
What the hell is wrong with women? You don't allow this type of behaviour to continue, he frightens you, get rid of him.
I agree with this post. Some of the posters have said that his type of treatment sounds hot to them. Well, being with someone a long time and knowing what you like and don't like is key to any kind of roleplaying. Also, in a long term relationship where you have communicated and respect each other's wishes, you know you won't get hurt. Her relationship is relatively new, and he is not trying to do what she wants, just what he needs. It seems, from what she posted, that he is only taking his own desires into account. Someone who cares about you won't try to scare or hurt you.
Dump him. He sounds like a potential rapist. Although I don't know since I am not one. But his aggression can be a bit alarming. I'm older, so I've dated women who have been raped by their man. Most of the men are real aggressive types. Starring, hitting the walls, etc. Things that will make a small women scared. This cannot be good. He might not have done something yet, but it looks like he would potentially advance in his efforts. If he isn't already now. It looks like he doesn't like to hear the word "no". That is never a good sign with these types of scumbags. They are serious control freaks. Like you said, he likes to control the situation. That can be a sure sign. I don't know how well talking to him will go. It mike make him more pissed off. Plus, if this is his personality, he is not going to admit he beats or potentially rapes women. Most likely this will only lead to a delayed attempt. Is there a way to find out his past from his family or friends? He most likely will not tell you he is a rapist or women beater, however, people in his past might.
This type of personality has little to do with the actual act of sex. More to do with control and those are issues you most likely cannot control. You can give him all the sex in the world and it won't be enough, because he wants to see you afraid. He wants to know that he is in control. I can't stand guys like this, but from what I've heard from women there are alot of them out there. And no they don't start raping you after a week of dating. Most of them seem perfectly harmless and nice at first. Then bam, they hit ya. I hate guys that hit or rape women. Hate them with a passion. I never hit a girl in my life, even my older sister. Was taught to respect women. Guys that rape or beat up their women don't seem to change. Ask yourself if this is something you can live with? Once the cycle of violence starts, it gets ugly quick and your self-esteem as well as your dignity can be robbed from you.
Terrible advice and an attempt to psycho analyze someone you haven't met. Not to mention you assume much on so little information.
Talk to the guy. He may have somehow gotten the impression you like to be dominated. Let him know that it's made you feel uncomfortable. See if that fixes the problem before making hasty conclusions like the posters remarks I quoted.
I agree with this post. Some of the posters have said that his type of treatment sounds hot to them. Well, being with someone a long time and knowing what you like and don't like is key to any kind of roleplaying. Also, in a long term relationship where you have communicated and respect each other's wishes, you know you won't get hurt. Her relationship is relatively new, and he is not trying to do what she wants, just what he needs. It seems, from what she posted, that he is only taking his own desires into account. Someone who cares about you won't try to scare or hurt you.
I'm pretty sure that many who have said that it's hot to them and that it's part of roleplaying also added that there should be mutual communication too. I'm not sure why it needs to be rehashed again as everyone is in agreement here. Also, it seems to me that OP doesn't let him know what she likes, she hasn't even told him about her past. I think it's pretty far fetched to say that her boyfriend is trying to scare her or hurt her.
Clearly, there is no communication here at all...so I don't think we should solely put the blame on the guy here.
Terrible advice and an attempt to psycho analyze someone you haven't met. Not to mention you assume much on so little information.
Talk to the guy. He may have somehow gotten the impression you like to be dominated. Let him know that it's made you feel uncomfortable. See if that fixes the problem before making hasty conclusions like the posters remarks I quoted.
He likes to pull my hair, I told him I liked this which I do. I wouldn't pretend to like something if I didn't, I would tell him. Now I think that maybe this has given him the impression. The posts mostly tell me to dump this guy, but I can honestly say that he hasn't got me. I do have enough self respect to leave someone that isn't right for me.
Other than the sex issue we get on very well . He isn't an aggressive man, he never shouts or argues, he goes along with what I want to do so I want to try and sort it out first before I make a decision to split as once that decision is made I can't go back.
I believe this guy wants to break up with you in a very unloving manner. So he is trying to scare you into not talking to him anymore. He doesn't want to get emotionally attached or probably doesn't want to be friends anymore: he's probably just an uncaring user. If this ends up in a breakup it will probably be very painful for you because you were strung along, made to feel good, and then controlled in a most unnerving manner. I've been through this once and it is an awful dark feeling that lingers with you for a little while: the dark feelings manufactured and manipulated by the toxic person using you. That is how I see it. There are a lot of very uncaring people who just use people like products and then scare them away on purpose.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shortbread biscuit
What did you do after Artsyguy?
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Is he just being in charge in bed?
