Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Well, I have been broken up with my ex for a year now, but we stopped talking only two months ago by my choice and that was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
It was a long distance relationship. He left me pregnant and told me he would not be held responsible for anything and promptly vanished. I am not one of those girls who thinks if you get pregnant, you can keep the man. That's not me... and I would never do such a thing. It was an accident and I was on the pill.
He called to apologize only 5 months after I suffered a painful miscarriage at 4 months. He was never there for me and ignored me when I tried to contact him during my high stress pregnancy.
I accepted his apology. Maybe that was foolish of me. He was not calling to try and get back together. He said he was truly sorry, however, he went on to tell a sob story of how his life was ruined, he lost his cushy job and he was homeless (he made over 150k a year and lived in a very expensive area). He knew I was still in love with him. He called me and spent more time talking to me than he did when we were a couple. I felt like we were falling in love again.
I made it clear that I could not continue talking to him and have a friendship with him because I was still in love with him. He said that he couldn't be with anyone at the moment because he needed to get his life together, but that maybe one day we could be together again when he got his life together (career, etc).
I found out only a few weeks later that he was in Milan, Italy. No broke person I know has money to travel to Milan. I was very upset. He called me every day while he was there to apologize. I wouldn't take his calls. He had an excuse, of course.
Then one day he said he had no feelings for me so out of the blue. He didn't even consider how it would effect me. He said he would love to be my friend. He had obviously ignored everything I ever said.
I feel hopeless and lost. I have never loved a person this way... and yet I know I sound like I have real issues to love a person who has done this to me. He was also probably a bit emotionally abusive, but sometimes I think maybe I deserved it or annoyed him... he can't stand being asked questions. I always felt I had to walk on eggshells... and yet I spend every day depressed and missing him. I don't want to live like this anymore.
I tried counseling and the counselor was terrible... so terrible that she was fired. So please don't suggest counseling.. I'm not open to it right now.
If you had ONE bad filet mignon, would you swear off beef forever??
I am very sorry you are suffering, truly I am
But the quickest way to feel better is to find a healing path. That can best be accomplished when you work with a good therapist.
One bad therapist, or just one therapist you can't quite develop a rapport with, is no reason to swear off therapy.
The quicker you get to the bottom of WHY you would even allow this kind of person into your life, the quicker you will begin to heal and get yourself on the road to a happier, healthier future relationship. Do the work and you WILL feel better
Well, I have been broken up with my ex for a year now, but we stopped talking only two months ago by my choice and that was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
It was a long distance relationship. He left me pregnant and told me he would not be held responsible for anything and promptly vanished. I am not one of those girls who thinks if you get pregnant, you can keep the man. That's not me... and I would never do such a thing. It was an accident and I was on the pill.
He called to apologize only 5 months after I suffered a painful miscarriage at 4 months. He was never there for me and ignored me when I tried to contact him during my high stress pregnancy.
I accepted his apology. Maybe that was foolish of me. He was not calling to try and get back together. He said he was truly sorry, however, he went on to tell a sob story of how his life was ruined, he lost his cushy job and he was homeless (he made over 150k a year and lived in a very expensive area). He knew I was still in love with him. He called me and spent more time talking to me than he did when we were a couple. I felt like we were falling in love again.
I made it clear that I could not continue talking to him and have a friendship with him because I was still in love with him. He said that he couldn't be with anyone at the moment because he needed to get his life together, but that maybe one day we could be together again when he got his life together (career, etc).
I found out only a few weeks later that he was in Milan, Italy. No broke person I know has money to travel to Milan. I was very upset. He called me every day while he was there to apologize. I wouldn't take his calls. He had an excuse, of course.
Then one day he said he had no feelings for me so out of the blue. He didn't even consider how it would effect me. He said he would love to be my friend. He had obviously ignored everything I ever said.
I feel hopeless and lost. I have never loved a person this way... and yet I know I sound like I have real issues to love a person who has done this to me. He was also probably a bit emotionally abusive, but sometimes I think maybe I deserved it or annoyed him... he can't stand being asked questions. I always felt I had to walk on eggshells... and yet I spend every day depressed and missing him. I don't want to live like this anymore.
I tried counseling and the counselor was terrible... so terrible that she was fired. So please don't suggest counseling.. I'm not open to it right now.
I think you are obsessed with him because you have let yourself believe for so long that your self worth is tied to his love and affirmation. Acquiring his love / apologies will NOT give you any redemption at all, in fact it is a very toxic and one-sided relationship. His actions when you got pregnant should be enough for you to realize that this guy care nothing about you and he even said it to your face. He won't even let you have any closure. You don't need a counselor to know what you have to do. Pick yourself back up and find somebody who is worthy of your attention.
You say that you love him, but there is such a fine line between love and hate. I'm sure that underneath, you can find plenty of reasons to hate this person for everything he's done to you.
I think you are obsessed with him because you have let yourself believe for so long that your self worth is tied to his love and affirmation. Acquiring his love / apologies will NOT give you any redemption at all, in fact it is a very toxic and one-sided relationship. His actions when you got pregnant should be enough for you to realize that this guy care nothing about you and he even said it to your face. He won't even let you have any closure. You don't need a counselor to know what you have to do. Pick yourself back up and find somebody who is worthy of your attention.
You say that you love him, but there is such a fine line between love and hate. I'm sure that underneath, you can find plenty of reasons to hate this person for everything he's done to you.
I understand what you are saying, but in the back of my mind, I fear that he treated me that way because there is something so wrong with me. I'm afraid if it were someone else, he wouldn't have treated her this way. I went to counseling and the psychologist who had over 15 years of experience considered him a sociopath with secondary narcissistic traits, but I really struggle with accepting or believing that.
I am adopted and my adoptive parents have basically abandoned me. They divorced shortly after adopting me and are almost completely non-existent in my life. It's very painful... and yes, I wanted this man to love me. I have been in other relationships... and I did most of the breaking up, but this man was the one I truly fell in love with for the first time.
At first, things were perfect. Why can't he love me? I have picked myself apart. I am so depressed.
What did I love about him? He was worldly, intelligent, fun to be with, sexy, intellectual. But he also criticized me a lot and lied to me... he did some really awful stuff to me even right after having sex one time (basically looking for other girls online a few minutes after we had sex). I was constantly questioning myself when I was with him. But I still feel that if I were better or good enough in his eyes, he wouldn't have done that.
I understand what you are saying, but in the back of my mind, I fear that he treated me that way because there is something so wrong with me. I'm afraid if it were someone else, he wouldn't have treated her this way. I went to counseling and the psychologist who had over 15 years of experience considered him a sociopath with secondary narcissistic traits.
I am adopted and my adoptive parents have basically abandoned me. They divorced shortly after adopting me and are almost completely non-existent in my life. It's very painful... and yes, I wanted this man to love me. I have been in other relationships... and I did most of the breaking up, but this man was the one I truly fell in love with for the first time.
At first, things were perfect. Why can't he love me? I have picked myself apart. I am so depressed.
What did I love about him? He was worldly, intelligent, fun to be with, sexy, intellectual. But he also criticized me a lot and lied to me... he did some really awful stuff to me even right after having sex one time (basically looking for other girls online a few minutes after we had sex). I was constantly questioning myself when I was with him. But I still feel that if I were better or good enough in his eyes, he wouldn't have done that.
You're adopted? And you have abandonment issues??
Honey, you really do need the help of a competant therapist. Please ask around in your city for recommendations to someone really great so you can start the healing process!
Going back to him is the worst thing you could do. Your circumstances in life made you more vulnerable to being victimized by a man like this. Why would you be so judgmental about counseling and not about a man who has mistreated you? When you need help, never stop getting it until you are healed. Have the courage to tackle your problems and rise above them.
I'm not being judgmental about counseling, but I truly had a horrific experience less than two months ago. It was an intern at my school carrying out her internship as a counselor. She verbally attacked me in a session once and tried to "diagnose" me with a personality disorder (borderline). I later went back to the psychologist I originally saw after he left me pregnant because the experience freaked me out so bad. The psychologist said that I am not a borderline and the intern was fired for her behavior. It was really that bad. She was screaming and yelling at me as she "diagnosed" me (which she is not even able to do because she is not even licensed) because I told her that I didn't feel some of the exercises she was having me do were working for me.
I can't afford the psychologist on a regular basis because I have no health insurance and she is fully booked all the time. It's just hard to open up to someone and reveal all the intimate details of my life -- especially now when I felt I was violated on a personal level.
Again, I feel like there is something wrong with me and that's why he treated me this way.
I'm not being judgmental about counseling, but I truly had a horrific experience less than two months ago. It was an intern at my school carrying out her internship as a counselor. She verbally attacked me in a session once and tried to "diagnose" me with a personality disorder (borderline). I later went back to the psychologist I originally saw after he left me pregnant because the experience freaked me out so bad. The psychologist said that I am not a borderline and the intern was fired for her behavior. It was really that bad. She was screaming and yelling at me as she "diagnosed" me (which she is not even able to do because she is not even licensed) because I told her that I didn't feel some of the exercises she was having me do were working for me.
I can't afford the psychologist on a regular basis because I have no health insurance and she is fully booked all the time. It's just hard to open up to someone and reveal all the intimate details of my life -- especially now when I felt I was violated on a personal level.
Again, I feel like there is something wrong with me and that's why he treated me this way.
its easy to feel like something is wrong with you when a relationship doesn't work out, especially when the other person constantly makes you feel like its your fault. We all go through it and come out on the other side just fine. You need to have more faith in yourself and you have a child who needs you to be strong.
What you said there in quotations is something you need to look at. Who in your childhood does this remind you of? No need to answer here, but get the book (from a library, if you want) and start reading.
Last edited by Snort; 04-25-2011 at 11:45 PM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
