Who's house is it? MY house

[Hawk J]

Originally Posted by Braunwyn

Ahh, I just had scotch-guard carpet padding and stain resistant carpet put in. It better work!


When I have my bathroom done a jacuzzi tub and a little flat screen is going in there.

Yes, that's the Best Idea. GO fer the Gusto, sweetie.

[kinkytoes]

Originally Posted by SpeedyAZ

And for anyone who is interested, here's the "man cave":

I do NOT want to buy another house, I like this one .

I'm not feeling the interior decoration, but the outside of the house is BEAUTIFUL. But honestly, I wouldn't want to move in unless I could do some major redecoration...but I can see that the OP may not like that.

I don't know...the house is completely decorated in what looks like a specific and strongly ingrained style. I would at least give the wife her own room to decorate. Ooh all the multicolored glass (shields eyes LOL)...Ok I know the glass is probably expensive and some pieces are original art...but LOL not really my taste. I guess I've been over here on the East coast too long.

If I were the OP, I'd try to find a girl whose parents also have money. You'll have fewer issues like the ones you're having with the current girl. Why marry some broke girl whose trying to get you to change your lifestyle?

[HDL]

!!! Who would have known ??? I might as well throw in my 2 cents for another oldtimer on the forum !

1) You have issues - discover what they are thru close friends/family, admit them and own them. (One of them is sharing your whole personal life on a forum that eveyone can read for a very long time !!! Money and control should be on the list also - imho)
2) Your fiancee has issues - write down all her good qualities and bad qualities and decide which ones are truly 'dealbreakers' for YOU (not dealbreakers for jaded peeps posting in your thread )
3) I HAVE ISSUES - but that's ANOTHER thread entirely
4) Write down what YOU feel is a fair and workable solution to what she can contribute now and how you see finances going forward.
5) Sit down and discuss items #2 and #4 with her when you are both ready, willing and able and let her respond with her lists also.
6) Find a 'good' counselor to help either both of you or just you to learn to communicate better and figure out how to NOT make the same relationship mistakes in the future

This is a very difficult economy for quite a few people . Maybe your fiancee was afraid of you doing what you did. Throwing her out of the home that you share 'together' because it's ALL YOURS and YOU are the BIG BREADWINNER!!! You have MONEY, your parents have MONEY, YOU have a beautiful home, YOU own all the vehicles, YOU have the very high paying job as an ENGINEER!! I really wonder how all this makes her feel???

You may not even understand what that feels like to someone. Try mentally picturing YOURSELF in her shoes for a moment. It's a terrible position to be in. Knowing that you can be homeless and carless, when the person you love gets mad and gives you 'da boot'. I say this with all due respect to you - not trying to be mean. Just trying to get you to see things from a different perspective !

I wish you all the best Speedy ! I believe that you do have some issues with money and now that it was getting closer to tying the knot, you probably got scared and possibly even self sabotaged the situation. How can someone less than a week earlier say that they 'love' their fiancee and shortly after, kick the person out of 'their' home (not $$$ owned, but still their home)???

Reread some of what YOU wrote in below quotes. Maybe your fiancee is all the things you said and can become a better partner for you! NO ONE knows that but YOU and HER ! Don't let a bunch of free advice given on an internet forum scare you out of giving it another chance after you take some time to reflect and get counseling.

As always,

jmho ~HDL~ aka The WINK Doctor
<this advice is free - I normally charge $700 a session>

Originally Posted by SpeedyAZ

We've been together for about 4 years now, we broke it off once briefly for something unrelated to money but got back together very soon after.

I probably don't paint a rosy picture of my fiancee on this forum but I can assure you she isn't the type you may be thinking of. She's very sweet, nice, caring, etc. She's fun to be around, very much a type-A personality, witty, and I really DO love her. I can tell golddiggers from a mile away and she isn't one, she DOES like nice things but isn't the type to want a man to support her habits.

I should clarify that I never really ASKED for her to help pay the bills, utilities, etc etc because I was so used to paying everything when I was single, it just became routine. Now that we are engaged and to be married, I want to approach her about helping out but I guess I just don't know how to. She may have bought an $800 purse but it isn't like she is asking me to purchase it for her, she earns her money and spends it as well.

As for the large disparity of income...I guess I just have a higher paying job? I work as a lead engineer for a defense company in the Valley and my salary reflects the work I do. I work long hours, work a few hours in the home office on weekends, and am responsible for the actions of my team- I work hard for what I earn.

She works in retail, not a particularly glamorous or high-paying position. She has some education but never pursued it, she lived in an apartment before I met her. She DOES know what work is because when she was single, she had to support herself and couldn't afford expensive clothes, purses, jewelery, etc etc. I guess maybe I introduced her to a slightly different lifestyle and she has become accustomed to it BUT that's not to say if she had to start earning her way in life again, that she couldn't.



Neither of us have credit card debt . She has a credit card and pays off any balance at the end of the month. I have two different cards (one for work, one personal) and pay off the balance as well.

Originally Posted by SpeedyAZ

Thank you! Yes she DOES have a full 40 hour/ week job! She doesn't sit at home all day at all, she's very active and usually after work goes to the gym for an hour or so. She's NOT lazy!

And no, my fiancee probably helps me be LESS of a work-a-holic. If she WASN'T around, on a Saturday I'd likely be sitting in my home office doing bookwork but with her around, she forces me out of my rut and enjoy the beautiful Arizona days!