name change upon marriage (mother-in-law, Latin, feelings, meaning)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I can understand a Woman wanting to keep her name for many reasons but for ownership doesn't make sense to me, you asked her to marry you, not buy her. Just my opinion.
Roaddog,
I already explained the ownership thing. It's a historical concept. You and Dennis58 have that in common... perhaps it's too far fetched to understand...
I already explained the ownership thing. It's a historical concept. You and Dennis58 have that in common... perhaps it's too far fetched to understand...
Many women I know use two last names,Hispanic women use two last names.
Chinese women from China don't use their husbands last name. They are called Miss Chang,Miss Wong. So,you really don't know if they are married.
Good morning all, I enjoyed reading the most recent posts this morning. I think I might get her a teeshirt later that says--- I married him but he sure dont "own" me! No, Im only kidding, but I would offer some advice to any single women who are opting for the non-traditional wedding. When you present your views to your future husband, just tell him you are proud of your name and prefer to keep it. I believe you should leave this "ownership" thing out of the discussion. Because even if you dont realize it, you are in effect comparing him to the wrongdoing of other men from another era. And decent men deserve better than that I believe. As for me and my situation, I plan to make my marriage last regardless of all we have discussed. As far as bad mouthing her behind her back, I have not said anything here that I wouldnt say to her. I just really dont agree with the reasoning behind all this so the best I can do is "agree to disagree" with her and with some of you good folks out there as well. But still, you all have given me your honest opinions and taken time out of your schedules to do so, and for that, I am most appreciative! Take care all
Good morning all, I enjoyed reading the most recent posts this morning. I think I might get her a teeshirt later that says--- I married him but he sure dont "own" me! No, Im only kidding, but I would offer some advice to any single women who are opting for the non-traditional wedding. When you present your views to your future husband, just tell him you are proud of your name and prefer to keep it. I believe you should leave this "ownership" thing out of the discussion. Because even if you dont realize it, you are in effect comparing him to the wrongdoing of other men from another era. And decent men deserve better than that I believe. As for me and my situation, I plan to make my marriage last regardless of all we have discussed. As far as bad mouthing her behind her back, I have not said anything here that I wouldnt say to her. I just really dont agree with the reasoning behind all this so the best I can do is "agree to disagree" with her and with some of you good folks out there as well. But still, you all have given me your honest opinions and taken time out of your schedules to do so, and for that, I am most appreciative! Take care all
I didn't say you were bad mouthing HER, I said you were bad mouthing her BELIEFS... "ignorant" "misguided" - your fiance must be woman heck of a woman to be okay that. Such words would imply lack of respect but that's only my opinion. I would never compare my husband to "owning" me if I took his name - I never have. The tradition has obviously evolved since then to were now... it's a choice. I don't agree with your reasoning either but perhaps this thread will make it easier for you to come to terms with it. Good luck with that.
Sounds to me like you have a good head on your shoulders Dennis. Compromise doesn't mean that you compromise your beliefs or feelings on any given subject. You have expressed your feelings on this subject very well indeed. I also think that one should not hold things in and just accept others opinions without expressing your own, unless its an issue that doesn't amount to a hill of beans and is just better left alone. It's an A-moral issue versus moral issue kind thing. I never felt that you were talking bad about your lady at all. I took it that you were seeking to know how others in the world felt about this sometimes sensitive issue. In order to get an accurate indication you had to put your cards on the table. You did that very well. I think everyone who responded also did a fine job of expressing their feelings. I think, whatever choice you make will be the right one for you.
Now, my feelings on marriage and why I preferred my lady have my name. I see it as the two of us becoming one entity. I married because, I wanted to take care of her, see to her needs, shelter her from all harm, be her protector, her lover, her all. I was very proud to give to her the only thing in life that really meant something to me--My name. My name is what I made it. I worked hard all my young life to insure that it stood for honesty, integrity, grit and loyalty, something instilled into me by my parents . I wanted her to be a part of that, the two of us together above all else, a force to be reckoned with, a life long dream to be accomplished. I chose her and no other to be the mother of our children. To help me raise them in unity, and instilling in them the integrity of the family unit. She has done this all our life. She has stood by me, thick and thin, good and bad, up and down , given her love above measure. She did this because she chose me to be her man. She chose to surrender her name for mine. She chose to give herself, her all, unconditionally to me. There was no prouder moment in my life when I presented her to the world as Mrs. XXXXXX. To this day 32 years later I feel no different. I still feel that little thing in my heart when others call her by my last name. And also to this day, I still, at times look at her in awe, wondering why she chose me. To this day, she still says she’s proud to be Mrs. XXXXXX. There is no wonder, no speculation, no doubt in ours or anyone else’s mind or thoughts as to who I am, who she is and who our five children are. We are governed by one name, our name! the one that has defined us for 32 years next Thursday. In our case it has nothing to do with selfishness, ownership, power or inconvenience. It only has to do with love.
Again I would never say it’s wrong for a women to keep her own name. What works for us does not necessarily work for someone else. My feelings are just that, My feelings,,, they are no to be compromised. When you compromise your feeling you run the risk of them turning into ill feelings which can causes deeper problems then the original issue.
Good luck always, and I sincerely hope you have as happy a marriage as we have, regardless of the name issue..
When you present your views to your future husband, just tell him you are proud of your name and prefer to keep it. I believe you should leave this "ownership" thing out of the discussion. Because even if you dont realize it, you are in effect comparing him to the wrongdoing of other men from another era. And decent men deserve better than that I believe.
......and therein lies the problem. What seems to be upsetting you the most is her reason. So it's something deeper than the act itself, it's the meaning behind the act.
She's marrying you, so I'm pretty sure she considers you a decent guy . I don't think you have any worries there.
Be proud of her that she's knows what's right for her. If she was a doormat and acquiesced to something she didn't believe in, you probably would not respect her for it.
Be thankful that she's honest with you. She could have went along with the program to keep the peace and silently resented you for it.
Give her the room to be herself and respect her boundaries and I bet she'll do the same for you. You'll be head and shoulders above the rest and probably end up with a marriage that lasts. Good Luck to you .
I never felt that you were talking bad about your lady at all. I took it that you were seeking to know how others in the world felt about this sometimes sensitive issue.
Okay, if I can use the words misguided and ignorant to describe someone's beliefs - and it not be disrespectful (according to you) then I will.... I think your views that a woman should take your name "or else you won't marry her" are misguided and ignorant to be honest. But I'm not talking bad about you. The name change is petty - no matter how you dice it. Your marriage is not better than mine - or any one else's - because your wife took your name, I don't care how long you've been married. To suggest otherwise is... well, misguided and ignorant. Your belief is old school but, there's nothing wrong with that... that's how you feel as many people do. This is not a question of immoral vs. moral... not taking a man's name is NOT immoral .204. Where do you come up with this stuff? In any case, I am fortunate to have married a man who saw no problem what's-so-ever with this... our happiness is not hinged on such things. For those who struggle with this idea - keep an open mind - there's nothing wrong with bucking tradition as long as it's for the right reason.
Okay, if I can use the words misguided and ignorant to describe someone's beliefs - and it not be disrespectful (according to you) then I will.... I think your views that a woman should take your name "or else you won't marry her" are misguided and ignorant to be honest. But I'm not talking bad about you. The name change is petty - no matter how you dice it. Your marriage is not better than mine - or any one else's - because your wife took your name, I don't care how long you've been married. To suggest otherwise is... well, misguided and ignorant. Your belief is old school but, there's nothing wrong with that... that's how you feel as many people do. This is not a question of immoral vs. moral... not taking a man's name is NOT immoral .204. Where do you come up with this stuff? In any case, I am fortunate to have married a man who saw no problem what's-so-ever with this... our happiness is not hinged on such things. For those who struggle with this idea - keep an open mind - there's nothing wrong with bucking tradition as long as it's for the right reason.
Mommabear,
I am so sorry you think I meant Immoral. It's (A-moral) v's (Moral). A-moral meaning its a choice that is based on ones own desires that one one else should take offense from. Moral issue is those things that violate such things as the law or go against our morality. My point is that this is an (A-moral) issue not a (Moral) issue. I never ever would sugest that the name thing is immoral. I sincerely applogize to anyone who took it that way.
To put it even more simply: amoral just means that it is not a moral issue therefore it's not subject to a moral judgement. hope this helps clear my intent.
Last edited by .204; 08-10-2007 at 11:24 AM..
Reason: further define amoral
I am so sorry you think I meant Immoral. It's (A-moral) v's (Moral). A-moral meaning its a choice that is based on ones own desires that one one else should take offense from. Moral issue is those things that violate such things as the law or go against our morality. My point is that this is an (A-moral) issue not a (Moral) issue. I never ever would sugest that the name thing is immoral. I sincerely applogize to anyone who took it that way.
Amoral (there's no hyphen) means an inability to distinguish between right and wrong.
Moral means right and just.
Immoral means morally wrong/not right.
Saying that a woman is amoral for choosing to keep her name is just as insulting as if you were to say it was an immoral choice.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
. I don't think you have any worries there.
In any case, I am fortunate to have married a man who saw no problem what's-so-ever with this... our happiness is not hinged on such things. For those who struggle with this idea - keep an open mind - there's nothing wrong with bucking tradition as long as it's for the right reason.
