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Also black women when dating white men, have to deal with a lot of ignorance and comments. I couldnt count how many times I have heard something along the lines of "You are a disgrace to black women, by continuing to be a slave to the white man" and things like this, mainly from black men. Oh yeah, and I also get black men always assuming I am with a white man just because I have been hurt by black men.
Do you hear this on a reglar basis? It sounds to me that the person saying this is enslaving himself in his mind! If that is the case the Black men that I work with who exclusively date White woman should be considered enslaved too.
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Originally Posted by SummerFall
Yeah..and i wonder if the same black men that are saying the bolded crap to you, also say the same thing to the black MEN they see with white WOMEN.
Im gonna bet they wont. Uh huh!
It might just be a Man thing and looking at women as a possesion. I know White men who have issues with BM/WW dating too. It's quite liberating once you release the stereo types that bind your judgement.
Do you really hear this on a reglar basis? It sounds to me that the person saying this is enslaving himself in his mind! If that is the case the Black men that I work with who exclusively date White woman should be considered enslaved too.
I can't speak for metye7 with accuracy, but I wouldn't assume she took it personally just because she used her personal experience as an example. But she's right. It all comes down to preference, and we all have them. I prefer petite women with short hair. According to you, I guess I have "petite women with short hair fever", whatever that means.
I never said that. How can we have a discussion if you are going to be ridiculous?
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Some black women prefer white men. Big deal. Of course, I know that because of the social dynamic in this country, others will try to make such a mere race preference into a social problem, but at the end of the day it's still preference, and being that we all have them, there are women who I'd absolutely refuse to date because they are outside the parameters of my personal taste.
I never said I have a problem with that. I used qualifiers throughout this thread. Why do you ignore them?
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Are you telling me that you are open to any and all physical attributes and wouldn't refuse anyone on that basis?
Of course not, I don't like fat guys of any race.
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What about such a refusal would be "sad and pathetic"?
No, because I am fit and trim myself. Why wouldn't like seek like?
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Are black women required to date black men?
No - as I've already said, I date a variety of men myself. In the past year I dated black, white and korean, an even mix of the three.
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If you agree not, then I really don't understand the tone of disappointment in your post.
That's because you decided to jerk that knee of yours rather than digesting the totality of my words.
Do you hear this on a reglar basis? It sounds to me that the person saying this is enslaving himself in his mind! If that is the case the Black men that I work with who exclusively date White woman should be considered enslaved too.
It might just be a Man thing and looking at women as a possesion. I know White men who have issues with BM/WW dating too. It's quite liberating once you release the stereo types that bind your judgement.
Apples and oranges. For instance, black americans no longer look like african due to a long history of being raped by white slave owners. This was a normal part of society, being a sexual concubine in addition to doing the household chores. The reverse is not true; black men were not used historically as "concubines" for white women.
Not that I think it is a particularly relevant point in modern day society, because it isn't. However, I thought I'd correct your nonsensical point.
RICHMOND, Va. - For years, Toinetta Jones played the dating game by her mom's strict rule.
"Mom always told me, 'Don't you ever bring a white man home,'" recalled Jones, echoing an edict issued by many Southern, black mothers.
But at 37, the Alexandria divorcee has shifted to dating "anyone who asks me out," regardless of race.
"I don't sit around dreaming about the perfect black man I'm going to marry," Jones said.
Black women around the country also are reconsidering deep-seated reservations toward interracial relationships, reservations rooted in America's history of slavery and segregation.
More black women consider 'dating out' - Yahoo! News (broken link)
I think that mom may need to rethink her position--after all, she loves her daughter and wants the best for her.
Would she really prefer that daughter date the equivalent of a train wreck on two legs, with his ONLY "redeeming" feature being that he is from the same racial group as her daughter???
Would she really reject her daughter's choice if daughter brought home a man who is respectful, honorable, honest, kind and responsible..but did not share the woman's racial origin.
I want my daughters to marry GOOD MEN, period. It's my daughter's life, and if she wants to date an "other" that's her choice. AS LONG as my daughter is treated well and respectfully, I would accept him in her life.
Apples and oranges. For instance, black americans no longer look like african due to a long history of being raped by white slave owners. This was a normal part of society, being a sexual concubine in addition to doing the household chores. The reverse is not true; black men were not used historically as "concubines" for white women.
Not that I think it is a particularly relevant point in modern day society, because it isn't. However, I thought I'd correct your nonsensical point.
Well, I don't think this really even warrants a response but the next time I'm out subjugating black women I'll consider the correction you pointed out. Until then I will continue to treat any woman in my life as my equal and not prejudge her based on some racial or gender based stereotype.
RICHMOND, Va. - For years, Toinetta Jones played the dating game by her mom's strict rule.
"Mom always told me, 'Don't you ever bring a white man home,'" recalled Jones, echoing an edict issued by many Southern, black mothers.
But at 37, the Alexandria divorcee has shifted to dating "anyone who asks me out," regardless of race.
"I don't sit around dreaming about the perfect black man I'm going to marry," Jones said.
Black women around the country also are reconsidering deep-seated reservations toward interracial relationships, reservations rooted in America's history of slavery and segregation.
More black women consider 'dating out' - Yahoo! News (broken link)
My mother is a traditional black southern mother, and she did not even have to tell me to avoid dating outside my race. I don't think it would be accepted, so race is a huge deal breaker for me.
Yeah..and i wonder if the same black men that are saying the bolded crap to you, also say the same thing to the black MEN they see with white WOMEN.
Im gonna bet they wont. Uh huh!
One of the prevailing lines of opposition from black women vis-a-vis BM/WW relationships is also slavery-based. In an Essence article last year, for instance, Jill Scott admitted that some of her misgivings at these particular pairings stemmed from the fact that, at one time, black men who were caught consorting with white women faced certain harm at the hands of white men. I think both sides would do well to abandon the whole slave narrative as a means of justifying one's opposition to other blacks who happen to date whites. Only then will they see true freedom.
"some that do it for the image, but not all do"
I would not date someone who was seeing me for the image. That would indicate that any guy would fit the bill. Who wants that? I want a woman who likes me for me! Even women I have dated who had a preference for white men would not decline dating a black man they were attracted to. My preference would not keep me from dating an attractive white or hispanic woman either.
I agree. So-called preferences, like any set of beliefs or ideas, are not ingrained from birth. They are adopted, modified and discarded in accordance with the caprice of the person holding them. Some people, motivated by an unceasing fidelity to their stated preference, would go so far as to deny themselves the opportunity to pursue their visceral attraction to people who might happen to fall outside the physical scope of the preference. Sometimes this is done to resolve their internal cognitive dissonance (I feel chemistry with this particular woman, but since she happens to be of a race I do not prefer, how can this be? It must not be real attraction after all).
It might also be due to good old-fashioned peer pressure. This is especially true with young women. For example, I once overheard a conversation between a Hispanic girl and some of her friends (most of them Hispanic boys) a while back at Walmart over in the magazine section. The girl was looking at a picture of Trey Songz in one of the hip hop magazines and casually mentioned how "hot" we was and how she would "soooo totally date him," which was almost at once met with tense looks of disbelief from some of her friends. Realizing that she was on the spot, she quickly "clarified" her remarks with "well, that's if I dated black guys".
Personally, I wouldn't want to date a white woman who had a "thing" for black men. With these women it is less about you and more about their infatuation with the image or idea of being with a black man. To me, that is just as bad as rejecting me categorically for the same reasons.
"pastoral or missionary quality", I'm having a hard time envisioning this. Should I bring a bible on a date?
Personally I don't know of any WM/BF couples where the man fits this description. I sure don't and can't think of any WM I know personally who fits the missionary profile. I'm an Aerospace Engineer and an associate of mine whose wife is black is very unmissionary like: He's Analytical, Driven, Attractive and a great father to their children. She's in sales, bubbly attitude, very attractive and is a great mom. Outside of work, one of my pub buddies who is married, WM/BF relationship, is an Ozzy Osborn type: Definitely not a Pastor or missionary.
The BF/WM thing is still new to a lot of people. If you get on any interracial dating site you will see about 1/3 of the people are curious but have never dated BF/WM before. Another 1/3 specifically date outside of their race and the rest where they date Irrespective of race or have no preference or a slight preference in my case.
I guess since I'm going to be grouped and identified as a less than desirable "Beta male" for dating black woman I should just stop.
Sure, it might be a stereotype, but these kinds of white men are readily accepted into black families with out much fanfare. Perhaps its an observation from my own experience but I know of quite a few BW/WM couples where the guy is a teacher, counselor , psychologist and one is actually a minister. Don't get me wrong some of these guys I wouldn't want to tangle with but they have a "pastoral" demeanor which makes them more easily accepted by black men and there fore making this choice for the Black woman less stressful to her family members. By "pastoral " I don't really mean less threatening but more of the way a black belt seems to carry himself.
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