What to do when you just dont want your husband sexually anymore (wives, how to)
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Get him in front of a marriage counselor (even if it's by surprise) and confront the situation head on. It could be he's a little depressed. However, if he sits there and says he isn't willing to work on this, then I would choose to move on.
Marriage - is a two-way street, for all those intent on saying "for better or worse" "til death do us part". Those phrases do not mean she has to sit there unhappy, while her husband does what he wants.
In addition, please don't waste another 10 years being unhappy or resort to "cheating". There's never an excuse for that IMO.
I am amazed that everyone thinks that everyone takes the same vows and they include the following "for better or worse" "til death do us part".
I am amazed that everyone thinks that everyone takes the same vows and they include the following "for better or worse" "til death do us part".
And, also think about how many take vows that say "(HIM) LOVE, HONOR, AND CHERISH", and (HER) LOVE, HONOR, AND OBEY." For a few years, he may actually cherish, but she has no intention of "OBEY" from day one.
Don't get me wrong. There are a lot of couples that are able to maintain the "CHERISH" for a lifetime. But, even there, want to bet just how far "OBEY" got?
If this thread was about a husband talking about his wife who had put on weight, the thread would be three times as long with some rabid responses from the female contingent!
I don't know if the OP is still following this, but I'm not so sure that the problems are hubby's fault any more than the OP's.
I have a strong preference for lean, trim bodies on women, but I've enjoyed sexual romps with women of all sizes and shapes. While we may blame our loss of sexual desire on our partner's fitness, I think it's more often something else -- often from within. If you cast aside your lover and best friend simply because he/she put on some weight, YOU have a problem of your own. We generally overlook or accept the weaknesses of those we love.
So let's assume it's not the extra weight that's the real issue and figure out what it is. You might need to talk to a counselor or MD to get those answers. You might both need to visit a marriage counselor. It might be as simple (or complex) as a hormonal imbalance. Or it might take sitting down, hand-in-hand, and having a serious discussion about what's missing in your relationship and what you both can do to fix it.
And, also think about how many take vows that say "(HIM) LOVE, HONOR, AND CHERISH", and (HER) LOVE, HONOR, AND OBEY." For a few years, he may actually cherish, but she has no intention of "OBEY" from day one.
Don't get me wrong. There are a lot of couples that are able to maintain the "CHERISH" for a lifetime. But, even there, want to bet just how far "OBEY" got?
"Obey" has been stricken from the vows nearly as long as I've been alive, and I was born in 1966. Please come into the 21st century. We're not going to keep the bus idling at the stop waiting for you.
Been married 8 years. Hes a great guy. Funny,kind,supportive. Over the years he has gained weight. He knows it, complains about it, but does nothing about it. Hes always been alittle over weight but its gotten pretty bad. He does have a really cute face. Hes also kinda lazy. He has the energy to do the things he wants but does everything around the house half ass. He never is romantic, he never just touches me, unless he wants sex. Which we never have anymore. Ive gotten to the point that i dont want sex at all because i cant even think of having it with him. I do love him,hes like my best friend. I hate to hurt him, I cant even hurt his feelings and tell him. What would you do?
And no, Im not perfect but I am above average looking and I take care of myself. I even find myself getting lazier and lazier though because Im with him. It feels like the life has been sucked out of me.
Again, what would you do?
You have NO idea how many women I know who have this same story.
You have to talk to him about it now. Now. Tell him in no uncertain terms. Do NOT beat around the bush.
If he, like some of my friends' husbands, doesn't take you seriously and doesn't bother changing...frankly, you're either going to have to resign yourself to staying in a loveless marriage or just leave him.
Those people who say she is dishonoring her vows ought to remember that HE dishonored vows, too, by taking her for granted.
"Happiness" or "unhappiness" are relative terms, and quite subjective. My point is that a married couple should not divorce for frivolous reasons. For adultery or physical abuse, yes. But just for "happiness", alone? That would seem to be a rather frivolous and fickle reason for a divorce. The wedding vows have gotta mean something, after all...
I hope to god you are kidding.
This is EXACTLY what I've talked about on other threads.
Cheating is sooooo bad...but out-and-out disrespect and disregard...those are ok...best not break up a marriage over *that*.
What he's doing (and what I have seen many men and women do over the years) is totally take her for granted. Her opinion and happiness are worthless and meaningless.
You would advocate staying married to someone like that?
Like many others said, I think this does go beyond just the weight gain....
I think the main issue is the fact that he does not motivate or inspire you and you feel like that brings you down.
Men are not mind readers and you can't leave him in the dark about your feelings, especially if he is your best friend. I don't think you could leave him because you say you care about him a lot and you couldn't hurt his feelings. This proves that you truly do love him, you just need to get out of this "slump" by talking about it and both figuring out what you can do to better your relationship.
Tell him you dont want to hurt his feelings, but seeing him so unmotivated really brings you down and makes you start to have doubts. Tell him you want to help him lose weight and come up with a plan. Tell him you want the guy back that you married and he needs to step up his game!
I hope to god you are kidding.
This is EXACTLY what I've talked about on other threads.
Cheating is sooooo bad...but out-and-out disrespect and disregard...those are ok...best not break up a marriage over *that*.
What he's doing (and what I have seen many men and women do over the years) is totally take her for granted. Her opinion and happiness are worthless and meaningless.
You would advocate staying married to someone like that?
I'm not saying that the husband is justified in disrespecting or mistreating OP. OP's husband should treat OP in a loving, caring, and respectful way, naturally. What I am saying is, there are alternatives that should be considered, before even thinking about the idea of divorce to begin with. Things such as, marriage counselors, seeing a therapist together to discuss the underlying issues, and talking to their priest/pastor/clergyperson together. They at least need to get the communication about their issues out in the open, and seek to reconcile those issues.
But to throw away a marriage, without first considering what can be done to fix, strengthen, and repair it, is a definite tragedy.
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