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It's one thing to have simple low self esteem but it's another thing when it seems your only a few steps away from becoming full blown suicidal and
I can't help but think that that's where he is. When it gets to that point then nothing short of therapy or medication can help you.
And your qualifications for making that call are ... ?
The women in Brazil are not that hot. I have known men from there and they all say the same thing. The women are not hot, but the one good thing is that they don't get mad when you cheat. That will just make them work harder to make sure the relationship lasts.
You are either blind or gay. I'm sorry, but for someone to say Brazilian women are not hot, they are either blind or gay.
I moved to a college town about 9 months ago and have never felt so old in my life. I am almost 28 and compared to most the people I am ancient! I have to admit, it takes a little toll on my self esteem to be perptually surrounded by 21 years olds...
Okay you've got me there but what are your qualifications to say that he doesn't.
My qualifications, scant as they are, are as follows:
(*cue Sir Edward Elgar's "Pomp and Circumstance"*)
BA - Psychology, NYU
MA - Philosophy, NYU
PhD - Metaphysics, NYU
OMD - Chinese Hospital of San Francisco
12 years offering Philosophical Counseling
I have my dan in Aikido, Instructor-Level rankings in 2 styles of gung-fu (Hung-gar and Choy Li F u t ("Plum Blossom")), one style each of Aikido, Taekwondo, Hapkido and Judo, and too many years of Yang-style Taijiquan (Forms AND Applications, including Chin-Na) to count, and have owned schools in 5 states during my 35-year "first career" as a martial arts instructor / Traditional Chinese Medicine practitioner
I consider myself a Taoist
a couple of years on C-D Realtionships
PLUS! A lot of years working as a bouncer / floor man in clubs where people drink a LOT (my "second career") - you develop a certain eye (and ear) for true clinical depression, versus let's say your garden-variety manic/depressive.
I bring this matter up only because although I can still offer my opinions, as of course you can and anyone else, none of us are truly qualified to make a proper referral. This isn't "Celebrity Rehab" or "Intervention" - some so-called reality show that we chuckle at - this is a living, breathing human we're dealing with. If we screw up, THEY pay the price - the price of needless therapy.
Throw in the very real possibility of you and/or the mods and/or the owners of this fine forum being hassled for offering "medical advice" (I know, I know, but with all the hungry lawyers out there right now is it wise to take chances?).
Stir and produce a messed-up life (lives), thanks to the wonders of the anonymous Net.
As one who was required to undergo therapy during my college years as part of my Psych studies, who made a living as a counselor for several years, and as a sort of armchair devotee of therapy of ALL sorts, I know the benefits - and the pitfalls - of counseling. No, I'm not a licensed psychiatrist or degreed psychologist - just a broken-down old war horse that has been through both the educational and real-world trenches for longer than I care to remember.
My qualifications, scant as they are, are as follows:
(*cue Sir Edward Elgar's "Pomp and Circumstance"*)
BA - Psychology, NYU
MA - Philosophy, NYU
PhD - Metaphysics, NYU
OMD - Chinese Hospital of San Francisco
12 years offering Philosophical Counseling
I have my dan in Aikido, Instructor-Level rankings in 2 styles of gung-fu (Hung-gar and Choy Li F u t ("Plum Blossom")), one style each of Aikido, Taekwondo, Hapkido and Judo, and too many years of Yang-style Taijiquan (Forms AND Applications, including Chin-Na) to count, and have owned schools in 5 states during my 35-year "first career" as a martial arts instructor / Traditional Chinese Medicine practitioner
I consider myself a Taoist
a couple of years on C-D Realtionships
PLUS! A lot of years working as a bouncer / floor man in clubs where people drink a LOT (my "second career") - you develop a certain eye (and ear) for true clinical depression, versus let's say your garden-variety manic/depressive.
I bring this matter up only because although I can still offer my opinions, as of course you can and anyone else, none of us are truly qualified to make a proper referral. This isn't "Celebrity Rehab" or "Intervention" - some so-called reality show that we chuckle at - this is a living, breathing human we're dealing with. If we screw up, THEY pay the price - the price of needless therapy.
Throw in the very real possibility of you and/or the mods and/or the owners of this fine forum being hassled for offering "medical advice" (I know, I know, but with all the hungry lawyers out there right now is it wise to take chances?).
Stir and produce a messed-up life (lives), thanks to the wonders of the anonymous Net.
As one who was required to undergo therapy during my college years as part of my Psych studies, who made a living as a counselor for several years, and as a sort of armchair devotee of therapy of ALL sorts, I know the benefits - and the pitfalls - of counseling. No, I'm not a licensed psychiatrist or degreed psychologist - just a broken-down old war horse that has been through both the educational and real-world trenches for longer than I care to remember.
Them's muh letters!
I must admit I am impressed,(except with the bolded part) but I still think that therapy and possibly meds is a suggestion that shouldn't be ignored. Whatever the case is this guy needs to take control of his life. Whether it be by simply sucking it up and getting over this problem himself or getting help. How he does it is not important.
I must admit I am impressed,(except with the bolded part) but I still think that therapy and possibly meds is a suggestion that shouldn't be ignored. Whatever the case is this guy needs to take control of his life. Whether it be by simply sucking it up and getting over this problem himself or getting help. How he does it is not important.
VERY well-said!
I apologize if I sometimes come off as an engorged member - I really don't mean to.
But I agree that HE is the only person able to make that initial, and important, decision to get better. Whatever path that takes him on, eh ...
PS: the sucking-up thing ... I do believe that has been extinct for a while. I've heard rumor that one or two healthy adult specimens were sighted somewhere in this vicinity, but so far no proof.
I hear you. But I don't want to reinvent who I am. I am stubborn, and "proud" of who I am. I really do think I am going to call up a therapist in the near future. I've had enough of the depression I've been feeling. This year my depression has been worse than ever.
This was a helpful post, but trust me, I've definitely learned how to enjoy my own company and do things alone. I've been doing that for the past 17 years at least. That's part of why I'm so resistant to making friends. I enjoy doing things by myself, doing things my own way, and I don't want to have to do things somebody else's way and make compromises. Making friends and doing things with them means giving up absolute control of my own life, and I enjoy having absolute control. But I think it's gotten to the point where this absolute control over my own life that I enjoy is starting to drive me crazy. As a human being, I crave more social interaction. And this craving has been building over 17 years of life without friendships.
then I understand what you mean, but you should still seek counseling...if you are not absolutely sure of what you want...once you become independent and comfortable with your life, as it is, as you say, then bring someone else into the mix, might never work....and I say that from experience, b/c I'm the very same way, except I don't crave attention from males, or even desire to date, let alone live with someone. However, I'm 62 and had nothing but bad experiences to relate to, so I can't compare what a good relationship might have been. I've never had one.
When I crave more social interaction, well, it's out there waiting for me, as I have many friends, and family members...and they all know me pretty well, so, it's acceptable on they're part. I cannot be smothered or told how they think I should live my life and I won't allow it period. I'm pretty much set in my ways now...and love to travel alone, go to dinner alone, movies, etc. I really hate waiting for someone. When I'm ready to go I go.
I have a network of friends whom I go out to dinner with and have girl evenings with, including my family....I don't believe there are any times when I become lonely anymore, and at my old age, I won't do anything any more for fear of someone not understanding why I'm not going or they take it personal b/c I'm not there. I don't care...life is to short and for the first time in my life, I'm not taking care of anyone else, and I LOVE IT! Or I'm not living up to anyone else's expectations of what my life should be, or how I should live it.
So, I understand, but if your unhappy and depressed about this, then seek help....b/c they will be able to help you learn how to deal with it.
You just sounded so depressed in your first post...and it seems to me, you want something you feel like you can't have? Why?
If your comfortable doing things on your own, and confident in doing so, then I don't understand why your so insecure about not wanting to look at women or those feelings that you don't deserve a good looking woman? Believe me, there are a lot of good looking women out there who are decent, faithful, upstanding women, and one of them might be a good fit for you. You never know until you try? There are also mature women out there who feel as you do, and couldn't be smothered....however, are you able to share your life and compromise?
You are either blind or gay. I'm sorry, but for someone to say Brazilian women are not hot, they are either blind or gay.
Not possible, there are attractive women everywhere. And the ones you see in Brasil are no different. I guess the major difference is that plastic surgery is affordable and cheap in Brasil. So you can never tell if what you are looking at is natural or fake.
Anyways, there is no one place in the world where all the people look like models.
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