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All he's really saying is people should be honest about their sexual needs with their partner. Then the 2 people involved should make whatever deal they are both comfortable with.
It's not a radical idea. I've heard this kind of thing said before by straight people.
The problem is that the people who have fetishes, etc that would be considered "odd" are often to ashamed to say it. So they end up sneaking around to do it because they can't fight the urge forever. And people who will never be monogamous make promises to their partners they will never keep because that is what they have to do.
Personally, I think it is totally not my business what other people agree to between them. I don't see why there is a reason to be judgmental about that. If they are happy I'm happy.
The U.S. is a sexually conflicted nation. There is the faction demonizing sexual freedom, and the faction promoting mindless sexuality and the sexualization of pretty much everything. Each is an unreasonable and unreasoned reaction to the other, I think
Anyway, I think Savage is basically correct, and my agreement is based on an understanding of human evolution, human biology, and cultural and religious memes. Monogamy is contrary to human nature, but it can certainly work for some people - that's not at issue. However, humans (in general) are a promiscuous species by their fundamental nature, and attempting to repress that by the cultural/religious memes is not only never going to work, it leads to many of the problems we face such as sexual excess and the prevalence of cheating.
Unfortunately, the cultural/religious memes are only going to change slowly, and a more rational and natural - and ethical! - approach to sexuality is a long way off for most, but it IS a reality for a minority who can and do have a thoughtful and reasoned perspective on the overall situation.
I agree with Savage, too, and with you.
I'll add that we see so much about sex in the U.S., which was founded in no small part on Puritanism, because repressing it for so long led to a culture of titillation. If Americans had a healthier, more open attitude toward sex, you wouldn't see it everywhere. It would cease to be shocking, and therefore it wouldn't be used to get attention as much as it is. Oh, you'd still see it in commercials and such, but you wouldn't have so many trashy reality shows and talk shows focused on it.
Plus, the U.S. is still prepubescent in terms of world history, and we all know how prepubescents behave regarding sex: "EW girls I got wood EW girls MOM DON'T COME IN HERE."
Savage can say what he wants, but cutting loose the strings in a marriage can not only produce unsatisfactory results, it can backfire. Many 'swing couples' have come to find that out, and I even know a woman who got herself pregnant by the husband of the other woman in their threesome (let's just say that it ended a . . . uh, friendship).
Other cultures having less expectations doesn't mean a thing. That's because it's simply the way it is done, and the women in particular are NOT happier for it ~ they simply accept it. Big deal.
I think people who believe that every sexual urge and whim should be satisfied are extremely narcissistic and live an incredibly insular selfish life. Just like energy vampires they easily sex up anything they want and then casually toss it aside like a used kleenex.
When people have to conform to sexual mores and rules it instills temperance and causes them to think before they act impulsively.
The problem with sexuality in the USA is that everyone is doing it without a thought for "what if I?" "why do I want?" "should I?", adults down to children.
Nobody asks questions or questions themself, it's only about what I want now.
And its dangerous.
You've never listened to Mr. Savage then if that's what you take away from him.
People can have control over their sexual urges if they choose to.
Really?
So if a gay man wants to be straight, all he has to do is ... click his heels three times? Meditate? Attend a positive-thinking seminar?
If a pedophile wants to stop he can just put a patch on his arm to help with those pangs?
Urges are one thing - hard-wired requirements are something else again.
Quote:
Furthermore... if a husband needs "cake play" in his sexual life, he should probably ask himself why he needs "cake play" if the wife doesn't want to do it, not that the wife should allow him a "cake play excursion" with someone else. That's what I mean about every sexual whim catered to, because it's narcissistic
We rarely if ever can identify our individual pathologies, much less the motivators behind them. Just because your partner doesn't share your kink, it doesn't follow that it's wrong for you.
And I think you're overlooking a very important element in long-term relationships - people change. No matter how many platitudes are tossed off about "'til death do us part", people change; it takes luck, skill and patience on both people's parts to weather that storm.
So if a gay man wants to be straight, all he has to do is ... click his heels three times? Meditate? Attend a positive-thinking seminar?
If a pedophile wants to stop he can just put a patch on his arm to help with those pangs?
Urges are one thing - hard-wired requirements are something else again.
We rarely if ever can identify our individual pathologies, much less the motivators behind them. Just because your partner doesn't share your kink, it doesn't follow that it's wrong for you.
And I think you're overlooking a very important element in long-term relationships - people change. No matter how many platitudes are tossed off about "'til death do us part", people change; it takes luck, skill and patience on both people's parts to weather that storm.
#1. My post has nothing to do with someone's sexual orientation or changing it. If you're gay, or straight you can exercise temperance and moderation because sport fu****g is deadly.
#2. A pedophile suffers from a paraphilia, and in OUR culture it is abnormal to screw kids and view them as sex objects I don't care if they claim to be hard wired for it or not it is abnormal to use a child for sexual gratification. Just because a pedo WANTS to doesn't mean they HAVE TO.
#3. If a married couple can't talk about their sexual needs openly they didn't do a very good job at vetting out their partner during courtship. If one married partner wants to play kinky and the other one doesn't that's for them to work out, I do NOT think a surrogate sex partner should be involved in any monogamous marriage.
I want to eat chocolate for breakfast lunch and dinner and all snacks in between, but I know if I did my ass would be fatter than a double wide. I exercise something called temperance, moderation and common sense, other people can do the same although some make the choice not to.
Savage is making excuses, IMO, for morally-unjustifiable behavior. What is it that he's really after? Polygamy? Socially unconstricted open relationships? Unfettered s*xual liberation and expression...physical intimacy without love and commitment first?
Whatever his motives, this guy has an agenda...and one that is decidedly *not* friendly, to traditional marriage norms...
Last edited by Phoenix2017; 07-15-2011 at 05:26 AM..
Reason: Adds
Savage is making excuses, IMO, for morally-unjustifiable behavior. What is it that he's really after? Polygamy? Socially unconstricted open relationships? Unfettered s*xual liberation and expression...physical intimacy without love and commitment first?
Whatever his motives, this guy has an agenda...and one that is decidedly *not* friendly, to traditional marriage norms...
Galileo postulated ideas that were *not* friendly to traditional religious norms.
Should we always hold so tightly to the past? What are we afraid of? Ourselves?
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