Why are people not comfortable under thier own skin? (movies, boyfriends, women)

[prinessdanika99]

I ask this question because now it seems whenever you have to do something or go somewhere, you bring someone with you. What do you think of a person who goes to the movies alone, a sporting event or concert alone. Most people would think that they have no friends, and are shy. I think quite frankly that they are more comfortable with themselves compared to the person who needs to have their best friend follow them wherever they go. No one likes to be in an uncomfortable position. Why would that person go to an event by themselves knowing that more than likely they will see couples, and cliques. It is because they could care less what other people think. It would be the complete opposite if they just stayed home all the time.

These days people even bring their boyfriends, or BFF to an interview. When I see this I frown because it shows that more than likely they can not handle being independent? They say the best way to figure out if you are truly comfortable under your own skin is to go to a club, movie, sporting event alone. If you are able to enjoy yourself rather than feeling anxious you passed the test. If not work on it, because it can only make yourself stronger.

[JohnPaul]

You burn a lot of misplaced energy on the emphasis of what others think.. don't you? If I placed half that energy on what others thought of me, I would be living in a private hell in a padded room.

I am comfortable by myself or with others, I place more emphasis on what I think, not what others think.

[MichaelAnsusinha]

Basically what you are saying is that it is more difficult to not be sociable than be sociable, which, honestly, seems silly considering the amount of people dedicated to overcoming their social ineptitude.

Also, why is lack of independence shown when someone is with another? Saying that is assuming far too many things about that person to be reasonable.

To believe such things only shows short-sightedness, as, honestly, if someone were to be at that level of cynicism, they could easily create comments for either side. For example, couldn't you just as easily say people that go alone aren't comfortable enough with themselves to ask someone to go with them? That above sentence will probably seem ridiculous to you due to its extremity, but yours seems to be on the other side of the spectrum.

[purehuman]

My life is way too busy to waste time wondering why strangers do what they do..... or worry about what they might think.....if I saw someone alone watching the movies, or whatever...I really wouldn't give it a second thought...there could be any number of reasons why they're alone...though I would never assume that they are "more comfortable", with themselves, nor more independant than anyone else is.

[Ulysses61]

I agree with all that others have said on this thread. It amazes me how many people give a damn what anyone else does, says or thinks when they are perfect strangers. Who cares if someone goes to a restaurant alone?

As for this:

These days people even bring their boyfriends, or BFF to an interview

I've hired many people in my life and would never hire someone who brought along a crutch in an interview. On very rare occasions I've seen someone bring a spouse with them and the spouse waits in the lobby, but anyone who attempted to bring someone else into their actual interview would be shown the door by everyone on the interview panel. They forfeited the job right there.

[Thursday007]

I've seen just the opposite at times, in that people will avoid one on one situations and going out with friends and just show up to see who's there and it's a complete inability (at times) to feel comfortable around other people in their own skin and to keep a certain comfortable distance and do more on their own. So, there are some holes in your theory. It really could go either way and how comfortable one feels within their own skin is definitely tied to how they were raised and talked to as children.

As an example, my parents had a lot of acquaintances, but not a lot of 'friends' really. So, using that as a guide, it would seem odd to me to see people who enjoy being around a group of people for everything. There's nothing wrong with it - just different perspectives. My own father raised us to be extremely, and I mean extremely, independant. There again - different perspective than someone who wasn't and had a family that encouraged friendships.

Where the issue lies in not feeling comfortable in one's own skin is what you may have been taught as a child growing up with these examples, may be against the grain of what you really feel and it's confusing. The way parents parent has a lot to do with it too. If you live with very supportive, loving and encouraging parents who support many of your decisions in the activities you choose, come to all your school plays and events you have a better sense of yourself. Having parents who are very unsupporting or reinforce 'you'll never amount to anything' and other such nonsense has a HUGE impact on a person's vision of themselves. So, different scenerios breed different results. How those differences manifest themselves can be completely opposite with every person regardless of whether they were raised the same way and much is a matter of how one interprets all theses things applicable to their own life.

[SifuPhil]

I don't understand why so many responders are coming down on the OP for questioning basic human nature - isn't that at the root of relationships?

Some people are comfortable being alone; others are not. As with all things, staying in the middle, in a balanced posture, is the ideal. Beings humans we rarely strike that perfect 50/50 state; some of us drift off to the extremes.

When that happens, we can either choose to return to the center or make new living arrangements for where we are.

Being concerned about what others think or do is natural for humans - we're a race of busy-bodies. It's the person who doesn't care that is usually the problem - they're more likely to be the ones climbing the tower with a sniper rifle.

The person who lives to socialize? Eh ... my theory, with the networking of the world with tools like FaceBook it was bound to happen. People will fixate on that heady blend of technology and sociology. So we see a lot more cases now of social neediness, be they artificially- or organically-induced.

I used to worry about being more social, so I became a party animal; then I went through alternating phases of party animal and monk; now I'm pretty much settling-in on the monk side of the tracks. I might still move among a few categories in my remaining years and in fact I'm constantly making course adjustments for the center, but I'll at least have the knowledge that I can survive and thrive in any setting thanks to my life experiences - many of which involved questioning human nature.

[Checkered24]

I lived a good deal of my life as a loner and was very comfortable with it for the most part. However, there are things I just didn't like doing. I did not like eating at a restaurant alone for instance. (Movie didn't bother me).

That said, I still preferred to have company. Over time, I found that experiences were richer and more fun when shared with the company of someone else. That wouldn't stop me from doing something I wanted alone. I just would find it even better with the right copany.

[MontanaGuy]

I go virtually everywhere alone because I hardly know anyone where I live but I could care less about what anyone might think about it. And honestly, do you really think that there are very many people who might be in a public place and are even paying any attention to who might be by themselves and wondering if there might be something wrong with them because they're alone? I have known quite a few women who prefer to always go places with a friend but their main concern is their personal safety which is understandable. I just don't think that strangers are out there psychoanalyzing people they've never even met based on whether or not they're with someone.

[poletop1]

With the exception of going to places I am unfamiliar with or with a reputation for being dangerous, I don't really mind going alone and I doubt people will make judgments or really care if I am with others or not, except in certain circumstances.