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The fact I should get equal pay and equal job opportunities, doesn't mean I don't like the traditional roles of a relationship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jefetio
Oh really?
I'd like to see your definition of "traditional roles". Because 99 times out of 100, "traditional roles" is women code for "the man does this..."
But hey, maybe your definition also includes what women are supposed to do (and the man not do)... I'd love to see it.
I know you were asking Mikala, but if you're interested, my husband and I follow pretty traditional roles. He is the head of the household, meaning that we discuss important matters but I trust his judgment and I'll concede to him if called for. He respects my input very much, and it's not like he bosses me around, but I don't overrule him. It's not an easy role to play for either of us, and I know it's not how some couples live. I still consider myself a feminist because I believe women are equal under the law, and I respect the choices women make for themselves, whether it's career woman, stay-at-home mom, homemaker wife, single, married, kids, no kids, whatever. MY role in MY family is mine alone.
And for what it's worth, in the dating world, stating that "men should" or "women should" doesn't make a lot of sense. Nobody is a match for everybody. There's no point in saying men should do this or that, because obviously they're not all going to. "The man I want to date or marry should" is more appropriate.
As I've mentioned in the past, if you want to date a woman that has no interest in being wined and dined, go for hippy women! They'd rather hike, kayak, camp, mediate, go on a road trip, do an art project, etc. They're into actually doing fun stuff.
lol... how did you know? Best idea all thread
thing is I want to date the hippy women, but when it comes to settling down I would rather find the traditional one.
The bitter part of the pill to swallow, for me, is that I don't really believe those traditional women are out there. I can find hippies to date, no problem. Finding a woman who believes in traditions (not just the ones men adhere to, but also the ones women do), that's much harder. That's where the whole "don't date American women" attitude comes from. Sexist or not, chauvinistic or not, I'd rather marry a woman who doesn't believe in all that "independent women" BS.
Now, you might be thinking, how can this guy be against traditional roles then? I'm not! I stick up for men paying the tab, asking girls out, etc. I do all those things by default when I date. My frustration comes from not finding a woman who will reciprocate, who has empathy and generosity towards men.
So you can twist my words? No, I'm not required to answer your question.
I'm not trying to twist your words - just make some sort of sense out of your posts. It's really a simple yes or no question. But you don't have to answer it. I'm not forcing anyone to do anything they don't want to do.
The whole point of my thread was that equal rights has nothing to do with dating.
Honestly, many men that I know in real life prefer to be the one who does the pursuing, the paying, the taking care of, etc. Most of the women that I know have no problem asking someone out if they want to and no problem paying or splitting the bill. My best friend discovered that she actually likes cooking for her husband and taking care of him. She is a college professor and grew up rebelling against the woman being the caretaker. But she realized that she actually gets a lot of joy taking care of her husband. My husband is fairly old fashioned in some ways - although he is 100% supportive of me in my career. I just think people seem to be so hung up on how men and women should act - what's correct, what isn't, etc. Who the hell cares? Just be yourself and find someone that loves you for you - and the you love in return.
And women are not lazy if they don't ask a guy out any more than a guy is lazy if he doesn't ask a woman out.
Relationships, marriage, families aren't about equality. They are about compatibility.
Nobody is making you pay. If you don't want to do any of these things - you don't have to. It's really as simple as that.
But Dewdrop, you fail to recognize the real problem here. What you don't understand is that if these pour souls don't ask out those lazy, gold diggers, then those lazy, gold diggers won't date them!
I still consider myself a feminist because I believe women are equal under the law
If that's what a feminist looks like, then you can go ahead and count me as one too. I still think that most women who call themselves feminists have no right calling themselves that, because their beliefs and advocacy don't stop at "equal under the law"
She is a college professor and grew up rebelling against the woman being the caretaker.
If you met a woman who was in that point of her life, would you call her a bitter man hater? Would you say she's not a "real woman" for not embracing that role? Would you poke fun at her or say she just needs to get laid? That she must be a sore loser?
There's nothing wrong with men who choose not to embrace certain roles. It's just as sexist to "target" them as it is to target women who don't choose those roles.
I choose to accept certain roles in dating, but I don't think less of men who don't, or who complain about those expectations. Feminists keep talking about "respecting women's choices" well, respect men's choices too. A man who believes in splitting the check is not a loser, is not low class, is not less of a man. Or maybe I'm wrong and he is... and by extension you're friend was low class for rejecting her caretaker role.
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