I'm a scumbag; would like advice from normal people (girlfriends, married, women)
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What if the roles were reversed and your girlfriend was writing this/thinking this? Your decisions are yours and yours alone to make as long as you remember that every action has a consequence. I don't see you as "ridiculously immoral and selfish" but more as ridiculously immature. Frankly, if I were your girlfriend of five years I'd be more than a little put off by the fact that you were even discussing this with so many of your friends.
Nah, let's be real - if anything, my self awareness further condemns my actions. I'm definitely not piling it on myself to try and get some sympathy but I know what I know.
I really appreciate the last response, and all other responses, but I would prefer to stick to the options I listed. Which would be the lesser evil. This is because school is starting actually in a few days and I need to be on my game. It is selfish but I will not break up with my girlfriend because she keeps me in check. I'm not putting her on a pedestal or anything, she is honestly one of the best catches ever in terms of wife material. However, she is below average - average looking - which was something I thought I was okay with and still think so...
You are actually spot on about the other girl though - she is a huge tease and I can picture her teasing other dudes. I'm 99% certain she will put out though because she wanted to do it twice but I didn't have a rubber and refused.
I'm leaning towards Option 1 or Option 4. And more so to Option 4 because now that I've written every ****ing detail of my life out, it seems like I need an abrupt and permanent break.
What if the roles were reversed and your girlfriend was writing this/thinking this? Your decisions are yours and yours alone to make as long as you remember that every action has a consequence. I don't see you as "ridiculously immoral and selfish" but more as ridiculously immature. Frankly, if I were your girlfriend of five years I'd be more than a little put off by the fact that you were even discussing this with so many of your friends.
I have tried to put myself in her position but I don't feel it. I've been cheated on before as well but I can't channel up my feelings from then to apply it to now. I don't know, I have issues.
Also, it isn't like I'm talking to a bunch of friends. It is just 2 of my closest male friends who are good friends with her as well.
And I just don't believe that every action has a consequence. At least not an equal consequence. Sometimes I can't sleep at night. But if anything the banks/bailouts are just bigger examples of the little things that people do. A ton of people do bad stuff and get away with it as long as they handle it carefully.
It is selfish but I will not break up with my girlfriend because she keeps me in check. I'm not putting her on a pedestal or anything, she is honestly one of the best catches ever in terms of wife material. However, she is below average - average looking - which was something I thought I was okay with and still think so...
I'm leaning towards Option 1 or Option 4. And more so to Option 4 because now that I've written every ****ing detail of my life out, it seems like I need an abrupt and permanent break.
Yes, you are insufferably selfish. Wowee, your girlfriend is great because she keeps you in check but is below average in looks with which, however, you are okay. So why even bring it up. What a Prince not.
Option 4 is so darned childishly dramatic. If you're planning on a career in pediatrics you have a leg up already.
Quote:
Originally Posted by barclay09
I don't know, I have issues.
Also, it isn't like I'm talking to a bunch of friends. It is just 2 of my closest male friends who are good friends with her as well.
Yes, you do have issues and you're using your girlfriend which is a horrible thing to do to anyone. Thought of professional counseling?
Great, the two friends you're talking to about such intimate things are also good friends with your girlfriend. If they had any sense of moral integrity they would have shut you up a long time ago. Do your girlfriend a huge favor and tell her that in view of all your upcoming studies you have realized that you don''t have time or energy for a serious relationship. Grow up.
i get the impression that you are a slave to your own impulses, and whatever advice we give won't matter.
Agreed.
But if the OP really wants the advice, mine would be: end your relationship(s) and focus on your studies, career and self-improvement. You'll be (better) able to be in a relationship later on. I know you said that you had been fine for some years, but to me it looks like you could use some solitude and forced independence. Your current girlfriend shouldn't be a means to your ends (being "in check"), but you already know this.
So, OP, you're juggling a lot of balls right now and playing a very risky game. Right now you're thinking all about you and while you have a lot of justifications, some part of you has to realize that you're treating all the women around you like objects--things to be used for your own pleasure, ignoring who you might hurt.
You're cheating on your GF of 5 years, a girl who has been good for you in many ways. You're having a full-blown affair (please don't kid yourself and say "everything but" and a rampant online relationship is anything but an affair) with a girl and now are attached to her too. Your life is a disaster right now. You have to know Girl #2 will hook up with another guy as soon as she has the opportunity, right? Please don't kid yourself with "she's such a prude." B.S. Any girl who would skank it up with you the way she has been (with the naked pics and the "everything but") will drop her panties quick as can be when another opportunity presents itself. You are kidding yourself if you think she won't do the same thing to you.
So, if you want to be a player and screw around, why not just be single? Some men are serial daters but never husbands or serious BFs. If you want to do that, do it. But don't string girls along.
Since it's clear you only think about yourself, here's a final note directed only to you. Right now you have little to lose. You will devastate your GF and hurt any other girl you're cheating with, but they don't matter to you since they're objects. What about when they find out you're cheating and tell the world? What about when it hurts your reputation in med school? What if you marry your serious GF and she finds out you're cheating? You realize you could get screwed over in the divorce and that she'll have you by the balls, right?
If you want this sort of drama filled life, keep it up the way you're going. You'll probably have a heart attack before 40 and have 3 different women sucking down your paychecks for child support. If you want a stable life, it's time to stop thinking only about yourself and get your head out of your butt.
I appreciate the honest comments. It gives me perspective hearing it from more people.
Re: the girlfriend situation, I know it seems like I would be doing her a huge favor by breaking up with her and letting her find someone better, but in the first four years of our relationship, I was a beyond good boyfriend. In a way, also, I feel like I owe her a ring and the financial fruits of my labor for the next 6-7 years. I was using crystal meth between high school and college and she is 75% responsible for where I am today.
I just think if I can get over this hump - because this girl is a huge outlier - I'll be fine. I already mentioned that I can control somethings, like the environment I'm in and refusing to go places where I might meet people. I'm also pretty average myself, so it isn't normal that attractive females actually seek me out and aggressively pursue me.
Another factor is that, as you can tell, I'm pretty emotionally fragile and a bit of a ***** so there is no way I can just power through school in the state I am now. If we were to break up, it'd be a lot worse.
But onto more immediate matters: why do I feel jealous about the other girl and how can I squash it?
So how can I work on not treating them like objects? It isn't like I want to treat them like objects.
Re: the other girl, yeah you might be right, but it is somewhat prudish to have gone through college without having sex, right? I felt like our connection was unique (not in a good way, only by definition) because we had that history in high school where she was really attracted to me.
I think I come off as thinking I'm God's gift to women, but in reality, A.) I just don't want to hurt my current girlfriend; B.) I'm not going to risk my emotional stability as I begin school; C.) I don't know how to handle the situation or my emotions for this other girl.
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How long do you want to live this way?
