I'm a scumbag; would like advice from normal people
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Option 1. I can just stop talking to her and ease away. Clean break. I'd have my friends restrain me (shut down Facebook, change my passwords, delete her #, etc.) I think this lets me walk away with some dignity but is more agonizing in that it is a slow and painful break up.
Take Option 1. But don't stop there. Substance abuse, a little sex addiction thrown in......it sounds like you've got some emotional problems that you need to overcome. If you're really serious, go get some therapy, NOW!!! Don't wait until after you've messed up several relationships and/or are divorced with kids. That situation will be a LOT more expensive in the long run than therapy.
And I just don't believe that every action has a consequence. At least not an equal consequence. Sometimes I can't sleep at night.
Ohhhhh, believe me, ALL actions DO have consequences. But the stuff with the biggest consequences often has the longest lag time. You just haven't lived long enough to feel the effects yet.
Herein lies another problem. A lot of people go through their whole lives not seeing (or not admitting) that they are living with the results of poor decisions they made in their pasts. They keep making the same kind of decisions over and over again, thinking those decisions will lead to better results, but they never do. Some people keep making the same kinds of bad choices because they don't want to face the pain of what they've one.....so they just keep on going like that. I hope you won't be one of those people.
Well, if anyone cares, I ended things with the girl w/ the boyfriend and haven't spoken to her in the last week. She tried reaching out to me yesterday but I was firm and gave her nothing. It kinda really bothers me that I'm basically (probably) driving her into the arms of another dude but I'm working on getting over those feelings.
I'm probably not going to break up with my girlfriend. I really think this was a matter of circumstance and a direct tie to the "older" me that just will not happen again. I think if it does happen, then obviously I will end things.
I think I also will try and get some professional therapy. It just seems like a lot of unnecessary upkeep but I'll try it at least 10 times I think.
Thanks for all the advice.
Last edited by barclay09; 08-02-2011 at 04:10 AM..
Thanks for coming back to tell us how it went. I really do hope you're able to find some peace in your life and be happy.
Breaking up with affair-girl was a wise thing to do. I know it stings a little right now, but with every day that you don't have contact with her, the sting will lessen a little bit. Focus that time and attention on your GF that you've committed yourself too. Focus on becoming that better man that you want to be.
As a final word of caution, understand that the weakness that led you to seek out the affair-girl will still be there. I know you see it as a "one time thing" but it's important if you don't want to fall into a pattern of this that you understand that your mind will look for the same patterns until you address the underlying issues.
So if this formed over Facebook, I would consider giving it up. Hell, say you need time to study in med school. Whatever. If this formed through meeting someone at a party, consider not going out without your GF any more. Change the pattern that got you into trouble the first time. It's common that affairs start when someone "accidentally" gets too close to a "friend." If you know you have this tendency, avoid having female friends that you get close to unless your GF is around and they're mutual friends. Therapy is an excellent idea. It has, I think more than anything else, the potential to really help you dig down into the root of the problem (whatever drove you to be an addict in HS, to have an affair now) and address it, rather than continuing to nurse the problem through coping behaviors (the addiction and the affair.) Best of luck to you.
I agree with birdinmigration. So kind of wondering what choice did you make? How did it work out. I was in similar situation and i chose the other girl and waisted q3 yrs of my life. Now raising 2 kids on my own!! Hardway
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