Have men lost the art of flirting? (dating, how to, women)
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I've noticed that a lot of men don't seem to know how to show their interest in a woman. They are either too passive and fearful, or too obnoxious and in your face.
I find it so frustrating meeting men who seem like they have no idea how to approach a woman in a respectful way to let her know that he is interested in getting to know her. It's so hard to meet people, and some men say that they'd welcome a woman initiating contact with them. So I've tried this, but I'm finding that it doesn't work. Most men do not respond appropriately.
Sometimes I will spot a man whom I find attractive, who's not wearing a wedding ring (not that means anything, but it's a start), and smile and say hello, hoping to initiate a pleasant conversation. Most men seem to fall into one of two camps, 1) the majority who seem unable to seize the opportunity and conduct a normal conversation that leads to an exchange of phone numbers, or 2) the rest who respond in an obnoxious way, glancing at my chest, and dropping sexual hints.
Years ago, men had no problem approaching women respectfully, talking to them, and asking them out for a date.
What is going on nowadays? It was never this complicated 25-30 years ago. What happened to the simple art of flirting? In the past that was how you met each other if there was no one to introduce you.
Our culture mixes up flirting with harassment. Hell, a guy can get arrested on a whim if she feels threatened and cries foul. Sometimes women give mixed signals, or get creeped out that a guy asked her out and she wasn't ready for it or something. I'll be honest, so of us don't know if you like us or not. We can be dense, or you can be way too vague. Most men I know don't do vague unless you want disaster later down the road.
Over the years my experience with various rejections taught me this equation:
Handsome guy + flirt(x)= success > rejection
Average guy + flirt(x) = success : rejection
Below average guy + flirt(x) = success < rejection (restraining order%)
"x" being the variable is highly dependent on her demeanor and her personality. Could throw in another variable for the guy like wealth, prestige but that's just opening another can of worms.
When you have women screaming sexual harassment ,or guys who approach them are "creepy" or "perverts", that will scare men off. Everybody else is living in a online dating fantasy world. Then you have men like me who are oblivious to womens advances and flirtations.
It's broken down into those who fear lawsuits and those who are too stupid to care.
I agree. With so many laws about sexual harrassment, it seems like men can't figure out how to approach women anymore.
When I was single, I always noticed that foreign men never had any problems flirting with me or telling me that they were interested in me. Foreign men would do all kinds of things if they were interested that men in America would get arrested for. I've lived briefly in France, Spain, Mexico, Colombia, and Brazil--and in those countries men can be very aggressive in their flirting. Some of the things they would do include getting the woman's address from someone and sending her cards and flowers, walking by the woman's house multiple times hoping to run into her, waiting for her outside her job to be able to talk to her, following her around, singing to her outside her window (yes, this still happens!). Men will see you on the bus or train and get off at your stop and start a conversation. Next thing you know, they're inviting you to have a cup of coffee.
I usually found it nice, if it was someone I was attracted to. And the women in these countries generally find that behavior flattering, or at least non-threatening. Men who do this are not considered creeps or psychos. Those are all culturally acceptable ways to let a woman know they are interested.
In America there are so many constraints that men have become very unsure of themselves, unless, as Urban Sasquatch noted, they are too stupid to care.
When I was single, I always noticed that foreign men never had any problems flirting with me or telling me that they were interested in me. Foreign men would do all kinds of things if they were interested that men in America would get arrested for. I've lived briefly in France, Spain, Mexico, Colombia, and Brazil--and in those countries men can be very aggressive in their flirting. Some of the things they would do include getting the woman's address from someone and sending her cards and flowers, walking by the woman's house multiple times hoping to run into her, waiting for her outside her job to be able to talk to her, following her around, singing to her outside her window (yes, this still happens!). Men will see you on the bus or train and get off at your stop and start a conversation. Next thing you know, they're inviting you to have a cup of coffee.
I usually found it nice, if it was someone I was attracted to. And the women in these countries generally find that behavior flattering, or at least non-threatening. Men who do this are not considered creeps or psychos. Those are all culturally acceptable ways to let a woman know they are interested.
Our culture mixes up flirting with harassment. Hell, a guy can get arrested on a whim if she feels threatened and cries foul. Sometimes women give mixed signals, or get creeped out that a guy asked her out and she wasn't ready for it or something. I'll be honest, so of us don't know if you like us or not. We can be dense, or you can be way too vague. Most men I know don't do vague unless you want disaster later down the road.
Is smiling and saying, "hello" vague? Why is it so hard to respond with a nice, "Hello. How are you doing today?"?
What do you consider vague? What behavior would be NOT vague?
Or better yet, to avoid all that, why can't you just say "hello" yourself?
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