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Recently I took a new job, however I'm still in the suburbs due to the job also being in the 'burbs. Now, I didn't have much of a life at my last job, so I'm looking to change things around this time.
I'm really starting with nothing here, no family, no friends, etc. It gets very lonely being by yourself all the time in your mid-20s.
I want to go out to meet people, get involved with stuff but don't know where to start, resources to utilize, etc. I also feel ashamed about having to do everything all by myself, like I feel that I give off the loner vibe when I attend events all by myself, but I know if I don't do it, nothing will change.
I'm not a bar/club scene guy, besides not having anyone to go with either. I was hoping to get involved in certain volunteer opportunities that attract a younger crowd or maybe even enroll in school again for the expressed purpose of meeting girls -- as I already have a degree, but that's a costly way of going about things for sure. I was hoping for more free activities to meet people in their 20s.
I work with all older people and am envious of people who have friends their own age. I have an anti-social office job which these kinds of jobs are already becoming the bane of my existence but I should stick it out for at least a year.
Recently I took a new job, however I'm still in the suburbs due to the job also being in the 'burbs. Now, I didn't have much of a life at my last job, so I'm looking to change things around this time.
I'm really starting with nothing here, no family, no friends, etc. It gets very lonely being by yourself all the time in your mid-20s.
I want to go out to meet people, get involved with stuff but don't know where to start, resources to utilize, etc. I also feel ashamed about having to do everything all by myself, like I feel that I give off the loner vibe when I attend events all by myself, but I know if I don't do it, nothing will change.
I'm not a bar/club scene guy, besides not having anyone to go with either. I was hoping to get involved in certain volunteer opportunities that attract a younger crowd or maybe even enroll in school again for the expressed purpose of meeting girls -- as I already have a degree, but that's a costly way of going about things for sure. I was hoping for more free activities to meet people in their 20s.
I work with all older people and am envious of people who have friends their own age. I have an anti-social office job which these kinds of jobs are already becoming the bane of my existence but I should stick it out for at least a year.
Any advice?
The more specific the better.
i've been in your shoes, in a strange city, new job, didn't know anybody for miles around. i became kind of desperate for people to socialize with, so i got into the habit of starting conversations with strangers everywhere i went. I managed to make some friends at work, and at the bars.
one unexpected thing that helped me was craigslist. I actually made a lot of friends in the process of looking for roomates.
It doesn't take too long, and you start to meet people who are in your shoes too, who really just want a friend to hang out with. The group grows by one, and then another, and then another, until you have basically built your own little clique. When you're in a tough spot like that, the first few are the hardest and the most important.
Find a dance class to take. There are usually more women - even if some are older, they may become friends and have younger friends you'll get to meet. Also try yoga classes and zumba classes. And meetup.com can be a way to meet people with similar interests. Volunteering could be good too, but I can't speak to whether there will be young women participating.
Where do you live? Around here, fall baseball is just starting up. Go to your nearest park, see if there are any ways you could volunteer.
Try the City Recreation Department, see what's available. People in their mid 20s to 30s have their kids playing sports. They always need
help. We are like little communities. You will make aqaintences fast.
Meetup clubs, you can research your local area on the net. The gym, great way to meet new people, lots of young folks there.
There are so many clubs in my area that I cannot mention them all, bicycle, kayak, fishing, deep sea diving, boating, roller blading, paintball, arobics, cooking, wine, beer on and on it goes.
It is out there, you just need to do a little investigating.
I want to go out to meet people, get involved with stuff but don't know where to start, resources to utilize, etc. I also feel ashamed about having to do everything all by myself, like I feel that I give off the loner vibe when I attend events all by myself, but I know if I don't do it, nothing will change.
Let me share a great, specific solution I've recently hit on - Meetup.com. I've known about this site for years, but never seemed to have much luck finding local groups when I searched on keywords related to my interests (e.g., books, movies, etc.). Then I tried just blanking out the keyword search box and searching for ALL groups in my area. Voila, numerous social groups in my vicinity popped right up. I joined one group specifically geared to singles over 40, two other singles' groups, plus a game players group that's not specifically for singles.
Try it - go to meetup.com, only enter your zip code or town and state, and then just see what comes up. You're sure to find some singles' groups (possibly some specifically for people in your age range) and other groups for people who share your interests. And don't worry about going alone, because especially if you're joining a singles' group, many people in the group attend events and meetings by themselves. It's no secret that they're single, after all. You'll know you're in good company, with people who share your interests and situation.
Good luck, and here's hoping you'll soon be able to look at this clean slate you've been handed as a great opportunity and adventure!
Sounds like a job for alcohol.
Now I wouldn't normally advocate this but.. in rare instances alcohol can get you over that social hurdle.
Bar, alcohol and smile. Please don't get drunk.
I told someone else this on this forum but here it goes again: go to a restaurant after work and yes get a drink and be receptive.
Personally, I think two adjustments are needed here. The first is to simply get out there and meet people. Yes, everyone is a little afraid of that. You aren't unique. Your situation is not the least bit out of the ordinary. You just need to do it. So, pick three new activities TODAY and get started. Pick one place you can volunteer for (call your local homeless shelter, animal shelter, habitat for humanity, whatever) and ask when they need people. Commit yourself to doing it for at least 3 months. Don't just be the guy who goes once, doesn't see a pretty girl, then takes off. Stick it out. Then pick two social activities you could enjoy. Dance lessons, which someone else suggested, are a great idea. Or take a language class, or join a team sport, or a community choir or something. Pick two activities and join. Stick in them for at least 3 months. Again, don't just be the guy who drops things if he doesn't find instant success.
The second adjustment I think you need is one of attitude and outlook. There's a lot of "woe is me, I'm a victim" coming out in the undercurrent of your post, and that is going to be a huge turn-off to anyone you meet, particularly since there's really nothing about your story that suggests you actually are a victim. You have a comfortable office job in the suburbs. Yeah, that's the sort of thing people covet. You HAVE a job, despite the economy. It's in a safe part of town. You're not having to pour concrete outside in the blazing sun. You're not a sewer-diver. Be thankful, not a whiner. That's probably not helping the "loner vibe" you claim is turning people off. It's like the poor little rich boy complaining his Porsche is broken and he's being forced to take the luxury Volvo for a week. Yeah, real pity case.
The sooner you start thinking of your situation as one to be grateful for, the sooner your positive outlook will attract positive people into your life. Continue thinking of yourself as the victim and girls will avoid you like the plague. No one wants to be around someone who's negative, who brings them down.
Last edited by h886; 08-20-2011 at 06:48 AM..
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Best of luck!
