Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
There's this one woman I met from Match.com that told me that she had 2 occasions of men not only checking her out, but following her around whatever store or mall or flea market she was at. They'd stalk her from a distance, but eventually approach.
One of them eaves dropped on her conversation with a vendor and he used that topic as an ice breaker to her when he got the courage to approach. NEedless to say, it came off rather creepy as she knew it was a conversation she had earlier with someone several aisles back.
But you know, that's part of the challenge for men or the big challenge, is trying to figure out the RIGHT time to approach...IF there ever IS a time.
Well as I tried to express, not only is it perhaps a different time than in the 90's (I mean, sexy vampires aren't really cool now, y'know?) but also I'm a more mature person dealing with more mature people. I don't concern myself with what 20 year olds can or cannot get away with. Not only am I not one, I have no business with them.
So in the present time and in my present age bracket (and older) of fully grown adults, I feel that first of all as I've said many times, the whole "approach" thing... Look, women are wise to your game, guys. You don't have to hit us over the head with it. We know. So all these tactics, playing it like it's a video game, going forth reeking of agenda, trying to strike up a conversation TO GET A DATE with a random woman in public, it's a little ridiculous. Not only is the whole endeavor silly and forced, but if you have your agenda in the forefront of your mind and intention, then when she isn't interested (and most won't be) then if will feel like REJECTION. I've gotta think that not only is it more comfortable for everyone involved if you're just a friendly human who makes friendly chat with anyone anywhere, with no agenda but an open mind to whatever might shake loose from any interaction...but it would also take all that pressure off. Being "rejected" for passing the time of day by someone who just isn't friendly to you, would sting a lot less than being "rejected" for sex, love, romance. You set that goal off somewhere and don't look at it, it won't bite you when it doesn't happen. Because frankly I see the odds of having some "approach" in public actually work out, as being pretty slim, generally speaking.
I love to talk to strangers enough that I try to strike up bits of conversation often in random places with random people. I have no agenda besides passing the time and interacting with people. Because I'm an extrovert and I just...do that. But I have to accept that a lot of them, probably more than half, won't find that very comfortable and won't want to talk to me. I can sense that, and I know when to drop the attempt. I don't get salty about it. It's not as though my happily-ever-after were riding on this exchange for chrissakes.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
Well as I tried to express, not only is it perhaps a different time than in the 90's (I mean, sexy vampires aren't really cool now, y'know?) but also I'm a more mature person dealing with more mature people. I don't concern myself with what 20 year olds can or cannot get away with. Not only am I not one, I have no business with them.
So in the present time and in my present age bracket (and older) of fully grown adults, I feel that first of all as I've said many times, the whole "approach" thing... Look, women are wise to your game, guys. You don't have to hit us over the head with it. We know. So all these tactics, playing it like it's a video game, going forth reeking of agenda, trying to strike up a conversation TO GET A DATE with a random woman in public, it's a little ridiculous. Not only is the whole endeavor silly and forced, but if you have your agenda in the forefront of your mind and intention, then when she isn't interested (and most won't be) then if will feel like REJECTION. I've gotta think that not only is it more comfortable for everyone involved if you're just a friendly human who makes friendly chat with anyone anywhere, with no agenda but an open mind to whatever might shake loose from any interaction...but it would also take all that pressure off. Being "rejected" for passing the time of day by someone who just isn't friendly to you, would sting a lot less than being "rejected" for sex, love, romance. You set that goal off somewhere and don't look at it, it won't bite you when it doesn't happen. Because frankly I see the odds of having some "approach" in public actually work out, as being pretty slim, generally speaking.
I love to talk to strangers enough that I try to strike up bits of conversation often in random places with random people. I have no agenda besides passing the time and interacting with people. Because I'm an extrovert and I just...do that. But I have to accept that a lot of them, probably more than half, won't find that very comfortable and won't want to talk to me. I can sense that, and I know when to drop the attempt. I don't get salty about it. It's not as though my happily-ever-after were riding on this exchange for chrissakes.
Bingo. You get it. I've had a few dates, well, more like sex, with people I met out in IRL over the last couple of years, one from an event (drag king show), two from breweries, another from a bar, a couple from parties... with the exception of the ones at a party they were just people I randomly spoke to... I've spoken with dozens and dozens of other people (hundreds?) in the same time frame, that type of connection just didn't happen. I wasn't speaking with them with any intent, or to try to find out if they were single, I spoke to them because... why not? You're out doing things, so speaking to people seems, you know, a good thing to do. It's fun. You might make a friend, maybe more, the odds are you'll never see them again... what does it matter? Talk to people to talk to people... the rest works out if the chemistry is there.
Well as I tried to express, not only is it perhaps a different time than in the 90's (I mean, sexy vampires aren't really cool now, y'know?) but also I'm a more mature person dealing with more mature people. I don't concern myself with what 20 year olds can or cannot get away with. Not only am I not one, I have no business with them.
So in the present time and in my present age bracket (and older) of fully grown adults, I feel that first of all as I've said many times, the whole "approach" thing... Look, women are wise to your game, guys. You don't have to hit us over the head with it. We know. So all these tactics, playing it like it's a video game, going forth reeking of agenda, trying to strike up a conversation TO GET A DATE with a random woman in public, it's a little ridiculous. Not only is the whole endeavor silly and forced, but if you have your agenda in the forefront of your mind and intention, then when she isn't interested (and most won't be) then if will feel like REJECTION. I've gotta think that not only is it more comfortable for everyone involved if you're just a friendly human who makes friendly chat with anyone anywhere, with no agenda but an open mind to whatever might shake loose from any interaction...but it would also take all that pressure off. Being "rejected" for passing the time of day by someone who just isn't friendly to you, would sting a lot less than being "rejected" for sex, love, romance. You set that goal off somewhere and don't look at it, it won't bite you when it doesn't happen. Because frankly I see the odds of having some "approach" in public actually work out, as being pretty slim, generally speaking.
I love to talk to strangers enough that I try to strike up bits of conversation often in random places with random people. I have no agenda besides passing the time and interacting with people. Because I'm an extrovert and I just...do that. But I have to accept that a lot of them, probably more than half, won't find that very comfortable and won't want to talk to me. I can sense that, and I know when to drop the attempt. I don't get salty about it. It's not as though my happily-ever-after were riding on this exchange for chrissakes.
Right on the bolded, that's why I rarely try to strike up a conversation with a woman cold turkey like that. I did strike up a brief conversation about a new kind of Guinness a guy had, asked him about it. He said he liked the dark beers and such. No agenda, but I do like my beers. lol. But I had a reason to talk to him, beer connoisseurs.
I can strike up conversations easily with senior citizens. But with an unmarried, single and age-appropriate woman. Depending on where they are from..it's also regional.
Quote:
I love to talk to strangers enough that I try to strike up bits of conversation
If others could follow your example, that'd be great. Some aren't like that, even if it's not even part of an agenda.
If you go to Wisconsin or Georgia, everyone is at least friendly and don't have their guards up. Everyone waves at strangers. My friend was in Georgia visiting. They were standing outside after a church concert. These Georgia girls just approached them to talk, asking them if they were new in town. Introduced themselves, and they all hung out afterwards.
This was alien to my friend as where he's from, women avert their eyes and keep their faces buried in their phones. This experience, although alien to him, was a pleasant surprise.
So it's also a regional thing. In some areas of the country, people wave and talk to strangers, other areas, it's, "WTF is this person talking to me for, I can't wait until I get out of this line!"
I have neighbors that moved in across the street. They are completely unapproachable. I usually wave at my neighbors driving by, and they wave back. This one guy , he's got his convertable top down. He's been living here for months, he sees me, I wave, he looks down like he's adjusting his radio.
The entire family never makes eye contact with anyone. My neighbors tell me that they've experienced the same thing. Total snobs.
So I don't only strike up convos with women.
However, while at a coffee shop waiting on my order, this other woman approached the counter and placed her order. We both were there waiting for our orders. THat said, I didn't hear what she ordered up, so I asked what she got.
She was very monosyllabic in her responses. She said she got the Pumpkin Spice. To give you an idea of how long ago it was, I never tried Pumpkin Spice. So I told her I never tried it and asked her what it was like. Again...with a cold, short response. I could tell she didn't want a conversation...even though there it was awkwardly quiet in the store.
So I let her be. So it kind of goes to show that a lot of women aren't open to conversations with strange men. It's great that you are, but some women have expressed how irritated they get with men when it comes to small talk and they are running their errands.
It's like "I'm not there for that, I'm there to buy **** and go"
You can forget an elevator conversation. lol
I can tell at the Meetups who is there with an agenda and others who are open to talking and socializing. Sometimes you'd get 2 single women pairs show up. They do very minimal socializing with others and are typically glued to each other.
The organizer was introducing them to others that have been with the group for the while, since that's her...thing. You could kind of tell they weren't comfortable with being introduced to others. When she go around to me, I got weak handshakes and hellos. It was a dinner and dancing event, and when we made our way to the dance venue...they sat out on the outer fringes. I tried striking up a convo with them, but they weren't much for talking. They just preferred their bud's company.
They were only one-shot wonders, never showed up to the Meetup again. They were just..scopin' for prospects.
Bingo. You get it. I've had a few dates, well, more like sex, with people I met out in IRL over the last couple of years, one from an event (drag king show), two from breweries, another from a bar, a couple from parties... with the exception of the ones at a party they were just people I randomly spoke to... I've spoken with dozens and dozens of other people (hundreds?) in the same time frame, that type of connection just didn't happen. I wasn't speaking with them with any intent, or to try to find out if they were single, I spoke to them because... why not? You're out doing things, so speaking to people seems, you know, a good thing to do. It's fun. You might make a friend, maybe more, the odds are you'll never see them again... what does it matter? Talk to people to talk to people... the rest works out if the chemistry is there.
Yep. You know another surprise benefit I've had happen in doing this, has been network building and opportunity getting, for me and others. I have made creative connections with people and sold my art to them, I've networked friends with new people who were able to benefit each other. Hell I was at a convention and I was outside smoking, and just mingling with the smokers (honestly it's one reason it's a struggle for me to quit--the smoking areas can be good people-chatting opportunities) and I had been talking to this one young lady who wanted to do pinup modeling and artistic soft-core porn (stills, not vids, like SG style.) Five minutes later I'd wandered ten feet away and insinuated myself into a conversation where an older woman was saying she'd just started up this company in Vegas doing exactly this kind of thing, and was seeking more models. I was like, "Hold on one second." I ran over and pointed at the young woman I was just talking to, and waved her over, and introduced her. When I finished my cigarette and walked back inside, they were talking about hashing out her travel expenses and setting her up in Vegas.
Thing is, networking with other people can generate all sorts of opportunities. I've been a valuable person for others to know, many many times. When you are so fixated on this one outcome, and it's all you can see in your laser-focused tunnel vision, you miss out on so much opportunity, and so many various kinds of opportunity. But you never know what might come of anything, so you just have to go around with an open mind.
Or don't, but don't be surprised when you stay stuck. If you see anything that isn't one specific thing, as a failure and a waste of your time, that just reflects on how you see and shape your own self. You become what you perceive and do.
I get stared at often. But apparently, I have a look that's not common in the small hick area I live in.I hate people staring at me. I don't care who it is, or how hot the guy is. Stop staring. It's creepy & uncomfortable if I catch you doing it.
It's annoying as there's no need for it. If I was Jessica Rabbit, then I could understand staring. lol Otherwise, fixate on something else.
I get stared at often. But apparently, I have a look that's not common in the small hick area I live in.I hate people staring at me. I don't care who it is, or how hot the guy is. Stop staring. It's creepy & uncomfortable if I catch you doing it.
It's annoying as there's no need for it. If I was Jessica Rabbit, then I could understand staring. lol Otherwise, fixate on something else.
I feel a similar way. I get stares (mostly from guys) and I'm more likely to be insulted. My look isn't even that uncommon. I feel I would understand if I was Morris Chestnut, but I am "average" body wise. But I have come to the conclusion that I have certain "soft" features that trigger certain (controlling) responses in people.
I feel a similar way. I get stares (mostly from guys) and I'm more likely to be insulted. My look isn't even that uncommon. I feel I would understand if I was Morris Chestnut, but I am "average" body wise. But I have come to the conclusion that I have certain "soft" features that trigger certain (controlling) responses in people.
My empathy. Seriously. Some may love the attention, so it's great for them.For those of us who hate it, but get it frequently, it's like a curse.
I have albinism, and for some reason, people just find that so weird or interesting. I don't see anything special or fascinating about it. So I can't help but roll my eyes at people staring, asking questions, and reacting as if it's so interesting. And if it is for them, we have google. Stop trying to talk to me about it, as it's at the top of the list for things I am not interested in.
Plus being shy & introvert, I like to blend in. I never liked being the center of attention, and sadly due to a different look, people can see me once & never forget me. I have people who remember seeing me 13 years ago in school -meanwhile, I have no idea who they are. One day last year, I worked in a factory for all of 1 day, and I am still getting people asking me about my one day there. don't know who they are, but apparently they saw me in Sept. and still remember me.
I hate that. lol
Last edited by HappyRain; 01-06-2019 at 01:05 PM..
My empathy. Seriously. Some may love the attention, so it's great for them.For those of us who hate it, but get it frequently, it's like a curse.
I'm a black woman with albinism, and for some reason, people just find that so weird or interesting. I don't see anything special or fascinating about it. So I can't help but roll my eyes at people staring, asking questions, and reacting as if it's so interesting. lol
Plus being shy & introvert, I like to blend in. I never liked being the center of attention, and sadly due to a different look, people can see me once & never forget me. I have people who remember seeing me 13 years ago in school -meanwhile, I have no idea who they are. One day last year, I worked in a factory for all of 1 day, and I am still getting people asking me about my one day there. don't know who they are, but apparently they saw me in Sept. and still remember me.
I hate that. lol
I get things like that a lot. I have people who I swear I've never met come up to me and they say things like.
"You don't know me??? What about 7 years, 25 days, 20 Hours 50 minutes and 40.689734257 seconds ago?! I walked in front of you and I blinked like this"
I'd have to meet someone more than twice in most cases in order to remember them, and thinking about it, I get creeped out a little. Like was that dude watching me all that time or something? Why didn't he bother to try to regularly talk to me? etc.
But much much worse than that and the stares (admittedly minor offenses) are the "kidnappers".
I get things like that a lot. I have people who I swear I've never met come up to me and they say things like.
"You don't know me??? What about 7 years, 25 days, 20 Hours 50 minutes and 40.689734257 seconds ago?! I walked in front of you and I blinked like this"
I'd have to meet someone more than twice in most cases in order to remember them, and thinking about it, I get creeped out a little. Like was that dude watching me all that time or something? Why didn't he bother to try to regularly talk to me? etc.
But much much worse than that and the stares (admittedly minor offenses) are the "kidnappers".
Kindred spirits. Same for me. I get put on the spot a lot with people. "You don''t remember me do you?" Or "Do you know who I am?" And all I can think is,"should I?" lol
Luckily, I got a new job the very last day of 2018, and I will be a bit more isolated. So may cut down on the awkward chat for people who saw me once years ago and wanna make small talk about it.
i'd put on my pretend "binoculars" with both hands, and stare back. if they are self-conscious, they might stop.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
