Would love some advice on the following from people who have dealt with something similar.
A few months back I signed up for a dating site, figured a change in venue would be good after the wacky situation with a woman from one of my classes happened a while back. The following is somewhat long, so bear with me
.
After creating a somewhat cocky profile I did a search for women in my area with similar interests. I sent out a few messages, ¾ or so get a response and 3 of those get immediate responses. 2 of the responses turn out wanting only a FWB which I’m not looking for; while the 3rd shares my hobbies, interests and is a woman in her 30s, mature and brunette (things which I’m looking for, I have a thing for brunettes..long story, lol. Her profile on the dating site is good and says she doesn’t play mindgames, I notice the profile shows “separated” so I’m a little hesitant of being too forward) we get to talking over the next few days and things are going good. After a few days she asks if I text and gives her #, when I get home later on in the day I text her and the flirting increases followed by talking on the phone a few times. A little over 2 weeks later, no response from her, she mentions due to the vibe I give off she thought I was looking for a one night stand which she doesn’t want, I tell her I joke around a lot and can be blunt / flirt quite a bit, but I got one night stands and fwbs out of my system years ago and I’m looking for something serious. She mentions she wants something serious as well, she's looking for a guy that isn't serious all the time and jokes around/has fun. We start talking daily. While talking on the phone a few times she mentions she wants to hang out and get to know me, a few days later we meet for coffee. The day before she had a friend’s wedding to go to, mentions she is a little hung-over but wants to meet up that afternoon. The entire time she is smiling / blushing and laughing even at my jokes / responses that weren’t very funny. I catch her checking me out a me a few times which she blushes and smiles at and tease her a little bit about her toenail paint that doesn't match after she pointed it out to me, lol.
After about 45 minutes or so she looks at her phone, says she wasn’t paying attention to the time and that she should go (she had mentioned the day before and before meeting that day that she had to go to her parents due to it being her birthday for a family get together) walks a little bit in front of our table, stops and stands by me while still smiling, tells me it was fun and she wants to do it again soon, call or text me.
At this point I’m thinking if she wasn’t interested she would either have: A.) Walked away while meeting. B.) Not have wanted to do it again soon.
A day goes by, I shoot her a text when on the way home from work, and the flirting picks up again, in fact it increases moreso than before we met for coffee. Another 2 weeks and a half or so goes by and talking on the phone/texting continues, (havn't had a chance to get together again due to our work schedules) I mention I have to go out of town for a family issue she asks why and when I’ll be back (during this time my phone was getting about 60% of texts from at&t, verizon and sprint phones, of which her phone is at&t) the day before I go out of town while texting she mixes up texts with another guy (I’m thinking she’s playing a headgame trying to make me jealous, whch it turns out she is, I don’t respond.) I get back in town a few days later and text her while at work, her response is instant “Hi!!!” we talk back and forth for a few hours, she asks if im doing anything later on in the week and says she wants to hang out again. When the day comes no text or phone call from her. I’m thinking she flaked out and wasn’t as interested as she seemed (turns out AT&T had been having service problems where texts weren’t going through) she calls about 3 hours or so later asking why I didn’t respond to 5 texts messages from her about what to do / where to meet up at, tell her I didn’t get them, she says she wanted to hang out and thought I brushed her off, she playfully asks "are you pouting and staying home for the night?" lol, we continue talking on the phone for another few hours and talk about meeting up again the following weekend. The next day I notice that her profile is changed to "divorced" (a few days after we met she asks if I met anyone else off the site, told her yes, 2 women but they only wanted fwb. She comments how alot of people here seem to want that & tells me she met a few crazy guys off the site as well that wanted fwb. The convo turns to past relationship where she mentions the divorce and she is still living in the house though they were divorced a little over a year ago, the ex took the dog and moved out.) I'm scratching my head at this point, it almost feels like I'm a rebound but she continues to tell me over the next few weeks that she wants something serious, a best friend to share her life with. Later on in the week she tells me she hid her dating profile on the site followed by a winking smiley face (seemed like she was hinting that she found someone, ie. me.)
Fast forward about a week, on a Friday & we are texting again, halfway into the conversation no response from her, thinking she was busy I continue on to a friends place, about 20 or so minutes later she responds and again mixes up text messages, says something along the lines of “I’m here, are you?
” Me, thinking she’s playing around responds “depends on where you are inviting me
”, she hits me with a “Lol...sorry…that wasn’t for you…
;(” I jokingly tell her “oic, have a nice weekend.” No response from her after that, again it crosses my mind she isn’t as interested as she seemed to be. (Up till now her texts are about 45min to an hour or more apart) A little later, my friends ask about any woman I’m seeing or talking to, I mention this one and they ask to see a pic, grab my phone and see the whole conversation including the “lol...sorry…that wasn’t for you…
”. 8 of the women present, 5 of which I've known for a while, instantly say “she’s playing a mindgame with you, we did that stuff when we were in high school. Let her know you won’t deal with that crap." I Jokingly tell her: “Was good meeting you, have a nice life.” To which I get a response in 10 or so minutes of “????” “I know you are awake…you really aren’t going to respond to me? What was that all about?” (during this time I’m still not getting about 60% of her texts due to what turns out later to be a at&t upgrade issue, she tells me the next day she was wondering what was going on and texted me 7 times that night.)
After jokingly texting her the above, I lost my phone in the living room at my friend’s place and found it the next day. Seeing those 2 responses from her, I text her “I was messing with you lol, you shouldn’t be so serious all the time.” (The whole text doesn’t go through, because of the service problem on her end, she didn’t receive the “I was messing with you, lol” part.) Later in the day I meet some friends at a mall and a few of them mention they're having similar issues with at&t and incomplete texts or not getting texts at all, to call her so she knows you were joking. On the way out to my car I call her, she picks up and we start talking. I ask “you caught that I was joking with you right?” she responds with “are you sure? I didn’t see a “lol” “jk” or a smiley face so couldn’t tell, but im still not getting all texts.” She then asks what I’m doing tomorrow, I mention I have class till 12 or so, she says she "may have to go out of town later in the week and tomorrow I'm free all day so let’s do something around 5:30 call or text me around then.” I get home a little later the next day and text her around 5:45, get a response of babysitting her nephew. We get to talking and end up flirting back and forth for quite a while about how she "loves a guy to cook for her but hasn't had one do so for a long time
" and other things, tells me to call her tomorrow.
The next day I text her while at work when I’m about to leave (can’t make personal calls at work) and jokingly say to her “where are you taking me for the weekend
?” She responds with a “Wait. I thought you were taking me to Vegas next weekend??” She again mixes up text messages, mentions she is driving and can't text atm. I back off for a little bit. She then tells me “Tell you all about it.” About an hour later, while helping a friend move some furniture I ask what she wanted to tell me.
2 hours later she hits me with the following:
Her: “Well…” “I want to be upfront with you…” “You are a great guy, we just don’t have anything in common…” “I would love to be friends”.
Me: “My pov was we started clicking but didn’t talk enough, but that’s ok, ty for being honest
.”
Her: “Your welcome. I’m sorry.”
Me: “No worries. Good luck.”
Her: “So no friendship?”
Me: Not sure, we seemed to click and the flirting all yesterday and today threw me off, perhaps mixed signals.
Her: “Well…It’s your choice. You let me know…”
That was Tuesday, I havn’t said anything to her since then, but from talking with her so far she is the type that has to be in control and wants to be chased all the time. I honestly don’t know what to think, all throughout the relationship (if it can be called that) she wanted to be chased which I didn’t mind doing a bit of, but feel that she she was going overboard on. Occasionally, I felt it weird that I had to open a lot of the conversations in texts (except for a few or when she called) but she would continue them for hours at times. The night before for a little over 5 hours and the day of (when she texted me the above) heavy flirting was going on back and forth. Surely, if she wasn’t interested she wouldn’t make attempts to get together after that 1st time and she would have just not answered my texts/calls and continued the flirting/planning things to do or called me, right? To be honest, the mind games she played were a big turn off to me, and when she sent the above texts it came off as another mindgame (which all the females present at that party agree on, and alot of my friends agree with as well) to see what she can get away with / if I will put myself in the friend zone to be around her or if I will continue to chase her.
I like being with her and talking to her, but if she just wants a rebound or wants me as a friend after the above, I'm not interested in doing either of those. It also occurred to me if she was playing a mind game with the above text that If I don't talk to her for a few days she will get the idea that I'm not going to play her game.
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