I'm a little older than the OP, and I stopped trying years ago. I've never been in a serious relationship. I had a couple of girlfriends in high school, but after just a few months both of those relationships fell apart. After that I went through a period of thinking I
had to date with the intention of developing a serious relationship. After all, everyone I knew was doing that, so naturally I should, too. The problem is no one would date me. The two relationships I had in high school just sort of "happened" if you know what I mean, but after high school everything was different. You weren't around the same people for eight hours every day, many of whom you'd know for years already. No, now I had to actually try to meet new people, and I had no problem doing that. But the results were always just a bunch of new friends, and nothing more. I could make friends all day; I was pretty likable to a lot of people. But apparently I wasn't
date-able.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LuckyGem
You're not interested because the success isn't there. If you were more successful you wouldn't have a problem dating, would you be here posting about it if you were?
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Soviet
WE DID make an effort. And it got us NOWHERE.....just gave us a negative opinion of American women. What do you expect us to do when there's no positive reinforcement?
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These posts highlight something I've said before. If you try and try and try and never succeed, why
wouldn't you stop trying? Some people simply are not as good at some things as other people. I have a friend who is a professional baseball player, but I'm terrible at baseball. Likewise, I've always had a knack for drawing/illustration, and he can barely draw a stick figure. And of course, we've each had a lot more practice at the things we're good at, but we wouldn't have bothered practicing if we didn't show at least
some promise at the beginning.
Some people have a knack for "reading" other people. They seem to be able to tell what other people are thinking with reasonable accuracy. These people seem to always know what to say at the right time, and somehow they always seem to know what other people want or expect. They can predict with reasonable accuracy how others will behave and react. Then the average person seems to have a halfway decent ability to do the same, even if they're not as good at it as the first type. And then there are people like me, who are completely clueless in this regard. Like I said before, I can make friends okay, but I couldn't tell you why or how. It's not like I work some magic formula to gain friends, it just happens with no real effort or conscious decisions on my part. I just try to be friendly to people and in return they usually seem to like me...as a friend.
But as far as attracting members of the opposite sex, I couldn't even begin to tell you what it takes. I did it twice in high school and I have no idea how, and it hasn't happened since. It's like flipping a coin over and over and in the middle of it, for no obvious reason, the coin lands on edge twice in a row. After that you try to make it do it again but it never does, and you don't know why it did at all in the first place.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jellybean50
You probaby should at least date someone seriously, to see if you'd really rather be alone - i know that i would! And if you would - i think that is fine too.
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I can't speak for the OP, but the problem with this statement is that if I could have dated someone seriously, I would have done it by now. But like I said before, some of us just seem to be incapable of this. I can't just "decide" to try dating someone seriously, In fact, I can't just "decide" to date someone casually! It's an entirely elusive thing that might as well be from a different universe. It would be similar to me trying to fly (with my arms) to see if I'd like it.
That's how impossible the idea has become to me.
With that being said, years ago when I gave up on trying, I was depressed. But during the following years I eventually got to know myself better, and finally didn't care if I ever dated again. And that's where I am now. It's just something I rarely think about these days, and something I don't even consider wasting my time trying to do again. Could I do it now? Maybe, but probably not. I'm no more knowledgeable of human behavior now than I was back then, I'm just more knowledgeable of myself. I still can't relate well to other people, or understand what makes them tick. Some people still seem to like me in a friendly way, for reasons I don't really understand. Sure, sometimes I'll see a happy couple enjoying a sunset by the bay and part of me wishes I had that, but 99.9% of the time I don't think about it, and when I do my past record tells me I'd be wasting my time to try. Not to mention the fact that most of the people I know in serious relationships are miserable, and the few I know who try to actively date seem utterly frustrated most of the time. That doesn't give me much confidence in
me making a relationship work, assuming I could even get into one in the first place.
That doesn't mean I wouldn't go with the flow if I managed to attract a woman I found myself attracted to. But I'm not going to bother actively trying to make that situation happen. If it happens, fine, if not, that's fine too.
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