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Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Garfunkle524
Reading those terrifying stats about marriage won't stop many people, but it WILL encourage a lot of us to be more careful about our choice. Knowing that close to half of marriages fail tells me that close to half the people who get married jump the gun and choose the wrong person. If this happens to almost half of the people in this country, it seems to me like it would be an easy mistake to make if you're not careful about it.
Or if you give up on something the moment it becomes less than you dreamed of. I think easily half of those divorces are due to just that.
Or if you give up on something the moment it becomes less than you dreamed of. I think easily half of those divorces are due to just that.
I'd agree. At that point it still comes back to a judgment of character of your SO. Is she the type of person who would put "us" before everything else, and work to keep it that way? Does she realize that the dynamic between us will change and evolve as time progresses? Will she cheat on me for any reason? (astoundingly and deplorably common)
All the more reason to be careful about that all important choice. It's certainly something I would never jump into quickly.
Its nice for her to plan that far ahead, but I think she is going to end up being single if she adopts this strategy for all the guys she dates. Most men find that to be a turnoff..and when it comes to romance and family, putting a time-frame for yourself like that ("I must have a child by age 25/30") in my opinion is a recipe for disaster..
Yep. Because it sounds like she's looking for a sperm donor with a wallet more than anything else.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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I don't think it is WRONG to want a kids/family at 22. However I don't think it is WISE to actually start a family that young. At 22 (or 23 like I am) you are still trying to find out who you are and the responsibility of kids and a spouse at that time can complicate that. If I'm the OP, I say I'm not ready for that stage yet and if she can't dig it, sorry but you gotta do what you gotta do.
I don't think it is WRONG to want a kids/family at 22. However I don't think it is WISE to actually start a family that young. At 22 (or 23 like I am) you are still trying to find out who you are and the responsibility of kids and a spouse at that time can complicate that. If I'm the OP, I say I'm not ready for that stage yet and if she can't dig it, sorry but you gotta do what you gotta do.
Seriously...I mean look at me! Haha. I'm 22 (although I have thought of wedding and marriage from time to time), I am going to take life slowly. I think it's interesting that if the girl wants to get married and start a family soon, you'll think she needs to relax and the guy is a bit worry, or you have the guy wants to get marry but the girl is having too much fun (partying, etc).
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,706 posts, read 41,855,063 times
Reputation: 41429
Quote:
Originally Posted by AsianRice
Seriously...I mean look at me! Haha. I'm 22 (although I have thought of wedding and marriage from time to time), I am going to take life slowly. I think it's interesting that if the girl wants to get married and start a family soon, you'll think she needs to relax and the guy is a bit worry, or you have the guy wants to get marry but the girl is having too much fun (partying, etc).
I think guys are just crazy (even more) who consider early marriage. I worked at Ft. Knox briefly and if you don't know, young marriage is an epidemic in the military. Every day I saw couples who were aged 19-21 married (a few with kids) and I'm like . Heck there were two girls who I worked with who were married before age 21. I'm sorry, I think early marriage is nuts no matter who is considering it.
So I was talking to my girlfriend over the weekend, and we were discussing the future and stuff, where do you see yourself in five years, blah blah, that type of crap. Let me preface by saying that I do see a future with her, but that doesn't mean that tomorrow I want to have kids and get married. You don't rush into a situation like that. Mind you, **** happens where she might just get pregnant before you want her to, and that's life. So...whatever.
Anyway, she starts talking about buying a house together, eventually, kids, the whole family deal and I'm just entertaining her at this point. I'm flattered that I am considered father/husband material, but at the same time, these convos are always downright scary. She's 22 years old, I'm 26, it's not like she's 34 and her clock is ticking. I figure she has 10+ years before having a baby becomes increasingly difficult. What's the deal with women always planning out the future? Can't we just enjoy each other's company w/out having to think about little Bernard and little Rosemary? I feel like I should tell her that she can enjoy life while she cans. After all, 22 years old...has her whole life ahead of her, why settle at such a young age. Am I wrong?
I'm gun shy on marriage. You read about the divorce rates and stuff, and I'm not suggesting that will happen to me, but it does scare me off a bit. It's like the odds are against me in having a successful marriage.
Edit: She's already thrown the Love word around. We're like 4 months into it, that's another topic for another day, why does it seem like women fall in love earlier than men, but the point remains...I just think it's too early for her to start thinking about kids and stuff. It's hard work, you don't pop a kid and that's it. It's 18 years of financial (!!!!), emotional support.
FYI: My girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me over this by the way. She's 2 years older than me, thought she had the world figure dout. Wanted kids and the whole deal and I wasn't ready. I'm still not. If I had to go back and do it over again, I would.
A young woman's goal in life is to find a man who will take care of her, and her kids for the rest of her life.
Young fertile women don't give away free sex and just enjoy the company of men for long periods of time.
Young women chose to have sexual relationships with men who they feel will make good life long STABLE partners, the catch is, at some point, if you don't sign up to marry her, she will move on to find the next guy who will.
You can't change this, and my advise to you is to enjoy the women who come into your life, and as soon as they pull the marriage trigger, then that's your cue to dump them.
Sure, it's cold but women are just as cold because they will eventually leave you if you don't marry them no matter how much you care about them and try to explain the divorce statistics.
I think guys are just crazy (even more) who consider early marriage. I worked at Ft. Knox briefly and if you don't know, young marriage is an epidemic in the military. Every day I saw couples who were aged 19-21 married (a few with kids) and I'm like . Heck there were two girls who I worked with who were married before age 21. I'm sorry, I think early marriage is nuts no matter who is considering it.
Military couples tend to marry early because of the economic incentives that come with it. They have housing, medical and everything provided for them. So, they don't have to worry as much about being financially secure before getting married. This was the case in the post war II era of the 1950s. Jobs were plentiful, wages were increasing at the fast level ever and housing was cheap. So, people were able to transition into married life at a younger age more smoothly.
I know a couple married who married when he 18 and she was 16 (not due to pregnancy) and they've been married for 52 years. Are they insane? Another couple I know... he was 21 and she was 20. They were married for 66 years before the husband passed away. They certainly didn't seem insane to me.
The reason so many young marriages end in divorce is because they go into the marriage thinking it's going to be a happy fairy-tail thing and that there's never going to be any problems. When problems do arise, they get upset and resort to divorce as an easy way out. But for the those who really are ready, why are they nuts? Everyone is different, some are ready at 18 and some are never ready.
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. Heck there were two girls who I worked with who were married before age 21. I'm sorry, I think early marriage is nuts no matter who is considering it.
