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Marriage was created to keep wealth and property within families. It wasn't originally intended for romance as the primary purpose. Women had no rights of their own back in time, could not own land, etc, etc. Marriages were arranged like business deals between families. It was a legal contract, not an emotional contract (although I'm sure there were many couples who did fall in love).
Fast forward to the most recent couple of centuries. Marriage becomes more of a choice, based on the feelings of the people to be betrothed and to some extent less about retaining or gaining wealth or property (though in some cases that is still a primary factor).
Marriage was created to keep wealth and property within families. It wasn't originally intended for romance as the primary purpose. Women had no rights of their own back in time, could not own land, etc, etc. Marriages were arranged like business deals between families. It was a legal contract, not an emotional contract (although I'm sure there were many couples who did fall in love).
Fast forward to the most recent couple of centuries. Marriage becomes more of a choice, based on the feelings of the people to be betrothed and to some extent less about retaining or gaining wealth or property (though in some cases that is still a primary factor).
Bingo...Thence largely of no economic benefit to the larger earning party, historically the male.
Who are you to decide who marriage is/isn't for? Why does it irk you that many of these people want/wanted to get married? Everyone has the right to either choose to be single or get married--and yes even drug addicts, alcoholics criminals, etc. Even Jesse James, Al Capone and Angelo Buono, as horrible as they were, found marriage. Were they not also people with many of the same basic needs and desires of the rest of the human race? At the end of the day, we're all humans, with rights and wants to having food/water/shelter/clothing, and even companionship.
Failed marriages don't have to mean marriage isn't for someone. Maybe they haven't met the right one, maybe they gave up too soon, or the timing is off. If people choose not to marry/remarry, it is a preference and another right the same as choosing to marry/remarry.
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Originally Posted by LS Jaun
I see this all the time. Some people are not meant to be married or even to have children. why is it that many people think that they have some God given directive to get married.
The most obvious are Drug addicts, Alcoholics, sociopaths or people that are plain Bad and mean. Theyre only going to make their partners unhappy and create more problems in the world, so why get married?
Most people seem to reach middle age before they come to the conclusion that marriage is not meant for them. Has anyone come to this place early on in life? Or is the thought of being without a mate impossible to think of?
Is marriage meant for all?
With a 50% divorce rate and another 25% that really shouldn't be married in the first place I'm thinking definately no!
Sound like you know too many self-centered, flaky people.
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Originally Posted by tegota
Just seems like marriage isn't something for everyone. It's very difficult to find someone who's emotionally balanced and stable. Someone who isn't manipulative or controlling. Someone who's default way of being isn't all about them.
I really enjoy my life, and don't want to change it. I have hours to develop my talents and skills, or explore new hobbies and activities. Or just time to chill and be at peace. I love seeing and talking with people who have good marriages. Those are few and far between. All I can say is "good for them." *hits golf ball*
I agree with the poster above, in that I view marriage as a legal contract. Like a business merger. I don't need no contract to love someone, or love myself enough to let them go freely.
Realize that the definition of marriage differs from person to person and marriage to marriage.
I am married, yet marriage how MOST people define it would totally not be for me either. There was no big wedding, no expectation of having kids, and most importantly--I don't "own" my husband and he doesn't own me. We don't nag each other and we respect each other's desires and aspirations. Truly the reason we're legally married and not just partners is due to tax breaks and health insurance.
So many marriages just seem to happen because it's expected and because of that those marriages seem to be wrought with a great deal of resent and boredom for one another. We've been together 10 years and I care more for him and feel closer to him each and every day.
Last edited by thepinksquid; 11-07-2011 at 05:25 PM..
Marriage was created to keep wealth and property within families. It wasn't originally intended for romance as the primary purpose. Women had no rights of their own back in time, could not own land, etc, etc. Marriages were arranged like business deals between families. It was a legal contract, not an emotional contract (although I'm sure there were many couples who did fall in love).
Fast forward to the most recent couple of centuries. Marriage becomes more of a choice, based on the feelings of the people to be betrothed and to some extent less about retaining or gaining wealth or property (though in some cases that is still a primary factor).
Good post-And much of this old world view of a non-Love based marriage still exists all over the world.
What we have created in our societal image of a marriage in the US is a happily ever after fairy tale that is difficult to live up to.
Marriage was created to keep wealth and property within families. It wasn't originally intended for romance as the primary purpose. Women had no rights of their own back in time, could not own land, etc, etc. Marriages were arranged like business deals between families. It was a legal contract, not an emotional contract (although I'm sure there were many couples who did fall in love).
Fast forward to the most recent couple of centuries. Marriage becomes more of a choice, based on the feelings of the people to be betrothed and to some extent less about retaining or gaining wealth or property (though in some cases that is still a primary factor).
And sadly, marriage has become more about the WEDDING for many, many women. How big and beautiful and wonderful the wedding will be and how they are the star and center of attention!
I believe that many young women spend so little time thinking about the reality of what a marriage will involve and what effort it will take to maintain.
Of course with the high divorce rate, so many kids do not have their parents as an example to go by. They have witnessed discord and selfishness and then go on to perpetuate that in their relationships.
So are you a drug addict, alcoholic, sociopath or plain bad and mean?
J/K
But I'm curious, how did you come to the decision that marriage is not for you?
Because I know myself.
I was married for a short period of time a long time ago. We're still friends, but should never have married.
I know myself and don't want to be encumbered by a long-term monogamous relationship.
I don't even have relationships with people who live in the same city and I certainly don't want to share my house with anyone.
I'm an introvert and need exorbitant amounts of time alone.
For me, I travel. It is my passion. I have a job that allows me to move countries/continents.
I take advantage of that and move on whims.
I also travel for pleasure. I love museums and can spend 6-8 hours in a museum in one of the world capitals without considering or meeting the needs of another person.
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Originally Posted by Percentage
With folks like Kim Khadashian(sp), Celebrities and fraudulent marriages padding the divorce stats, of course marriage will look like a horrible move. What i am getting at is that marriage is NOT the problem, the real issue is people choosing the wrong person to marry or all the other extracurricular activities that is swept under the rug. If you decide marriage is not for you...fine, but dont come here throwing bogus stats around to support your flawed argument....afterall, there are tons of people in relationships (not married) that end everyday...does that mean they should stop dating because of their failed last relationship? *rolleyes*
There are a lot more Billy-Bobs getting divorced and remarried than hollywood stars.
Don't blame padding the numbers on celebrity; it happens every day with every demographic.
There are a lot more people in other demographics than in hollywood stars.
Here's a link to recent divorce statistics - divorce by state: Moderator cut: link removed, linking to competitor sites is not allowed
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Originally Posted by srjth
Relationship message boards are chalk full of people who don't want to get married or have children. You're in the right place.
And it's chalk full of people who have kids running around the house and not being taken care of; or spouses they're not spending time with.
Your point?
Marriage was created to keep wealth and property within families. It wasn't originally intended for romance as the primary purpose. Women had no rights of their own back in time, could not own land, etc, etc. Marriages were arranged like business deals between families. It was a legal contract, not an emotional contract (although I'm sure there were many couples who did fall in love).
Fast forward to the most recent couple of centuries. Marriage becomes more of a choice, based on the feelings of the people to be betrothed and to some extent less about retaining or gaining wealth or property (though in some cases that is still a primary factor).
I agree, but in western society we have turned marriage into a Disney movie. Clearly the divorce rates show that at least half these people are unhappy. And how many who do stay married do so just for the convenience?
It would definitely be for me if I find the right woman to share it with. I've seen successful, long-lasting marriages and that's definitely for me. I've also seen ****ty, ultimately-failed marriages and those are definitely NOT for me.
Very few people get married planning to have a crappy marriage that ultimately fails.
Well, unless they stand to earn $17 million from it like some sleazy pseudo-celebrity who shall not be named here, but that's another plane of existence.
Anyway, although some people deny the little voice inside their heads that says "don't marry this person," pretty much everyone who gets married intends to make a serious go of it and hopes that it will be for good.
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