Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
If you did some research on the internet and forums where the wives actually confess their affairs you'd be surprised. Apparently, our culture thrives at the whole "All men are evil" trope which hardly gets a second guess these days.
But I don't get it. There are numerous threads and posts on here about women's low sex drive, people not having sex after marriage because the wife is no longer into it, and yet, we apparently have copious amounts of wives having affairs? How does that work?
We are thriving on "men are evil"? How so?
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,005,830 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by L.K.
But I don't get it. There are numerous threads and posts on here about women's low sex drive, people not having sex after marriage because the wife is no longer into it, and yet, we apparently have copious amounts of wives having affairs? How does that work?
We are thriving on "men are evil"? How so?
This often happens when the man feels he no longer has to do anything he used to for his lady because she's now his wife--he has her. The work is done. Wrong. You have to do things to keep it alive.
Likewise, many women let themselves go once they think they got him. Then wonder why his eye is wandering. Sure, with some men it doesn't matter how good his wife looks, he's never going to be satisfied and is going to cheat. But not always. Same with women cheating. It's just something you have to put your heart and soul into to maintain. You don't work your a** off to get your dream job and once you land it, sit back and put your feet up. No, you have to work to keep it. Same goes for marriage. If you don't like that analogy, don't get married, because any way you put it, it comes out the same--it takes work. But if you're good, you can make it fun work.
So, you were just a loving, kind, caring, devoted husband keeping up your end of the deal and your wife decided to go out and find someone else. Um, doubtful.
Yeah, pretty much. I really don't wanna get into it on an internet forum with complete strangers, but no, I didn't cheat. There was some distance between us during the last year, and I'd wondered about it....tried to find the cause of it...etc. In the end though, I'm happy I didn't catch them together.
For my fellow married people reading this thread please bear in mind that most of these anti-marriage crusaders are the product of :
1. A failed marriage; some numerous times
2. Claim to be single by choice (lies)
3. Are yet to find that special person to accept them with all their flaws (we all have flaws).
4. etc.
So taking advice from their post is equivalent to receiving health treatment from a quack doctor. Personally, I'd rather listen to those that are happily married and look for tips on how to prolong and preserve the happiness we share with our partners.
I'm single and never married, but not bitter! I think marriage is great and I would have no problem marrying someone if I met someone I wanted to marry (and he wanted to marry me). Since it hasn't happened and I'm past the child bearing years, it might never happen, and that's okay too. I figure if it was meant to happen, it would have (or maybe will in the future). I'm not trying to make it happen, but I'm very open to it.
I guess I don't fit into any categories as listed.
The reason that so many marriages fail these days is selfishness, plain and simple. (That, and a serious lack of respect for the "sanctity" of marriage to begin with.) Everyone is so concerned about what THEY are or aren't "getting" from the marriage. Everyone goes into it with so many unrealistic expectations--of their mate- without realizing that they, too, have to put forth much effort to make it work. If everyone went into marriage (or any relationship) just thinking each day, "What can I do to make the one that I love happy today? What could I do to make their burden just a little bit lighter?" Well, then it would "magically" work like a charm... But the problem is, most of us sit around thinking, "Why didn't he/she do this or that for me?" "Why did he/she say this and not that?" "Why is he/she so bossy/quiet/serious/light-hearted/uptight/aloof/cloying/frigid.... today/lately?"
Because we don't go into marriage to begin with knowing "the rules" and being made fully aware of what our own responsibilities within the marriage are--- we are insecure within its bonds. Therefore we see personal affronts at every turn, we don't trust our mate not to dessert us, or hurt us, or simply not to look through us as though we aren't even there anymore... The precise reasons for the individual failures are myriad, but it boils down to our own innate selfishness and the fact that neither party was ever fully indoctrinated into just what it means to be married. And what exactly DOES it mean to be married??? While there are many dictionary meanings- the essence of a marriage is a "partnership", a contract between two people.
Could you imagine any other sort of partnership or binding contract that people enter into where-upon there is no "business plan" or definition of terms, are no clearly defined roles or expectations of each partner's responsibilities within the partnership, and where each partner spent the better portion of each day worrying about what the other partner was or was not doing rather than merely focusing on what they themselves could do for the betterment/advancement/growth of the business? And then what if they NEVER had any "progress" meetings and neither knew what problems or obstacles their partner was facing in the day to day operation of their role in the business? Finally, what if either partner could just pull all of their assets out of the business at any time and simply walk away... "just because" it was more than they had bargained for?... What would happen? Complete failure, of course.
And yet--- most of us continue to put forth more effort, integrity, and commitment into "unions" that enrich our bank accounts than we do into those which couldbe enriching our very souls. Sad, isn't it?
Marriages were never that great in the past. Humans have selective memory of things happening in the past: "It's always better back then". Until you look at the details of the past, then you realize it's almost always worse.
People in general look at divorce as a bad thing. Divorce for many is a very good thing. Why would you stay with someone you are incompatible with, and work through it? I'm just going to stay married to someone who is, fill in the blank: Abusive, and Alcoholic, a drug addict, Disturbed, a pervert, or just mean, because leaving them would mean you were a failure. Leaving them would indicate you are a smart person who isn't willing to tolerate a someone that is bad for you
Don't get me wrong marriage is right for some people but for others the wrong spouse will make you misurable
Marriages were never that great in the past. Humans have selective memory of things happening in the past: "It's always better back then". Until you look at the details of the past, then you realize it's almost always worse.
People in general look at divorce as a bad thing. Divorce for many is a very good thing. Why would you stay with someone you are incompatible with, and work through it? I'm just going to stay married to someone who is, fill in the blank: Abusive, and Alcoholic, a drug addict, Disturbed, a pervert, or just mean, because leaving them would mean you were a failure. Leaving them would indicate you are a smart person who isn't willing to tolerate a someone that is bad for you
Don't get me wrong marriage is right for some people but for others the wrong spouse will make you misurable
For what it's worth, I don't think marriage supporters would encourage ANYONE to stay with an abuser, alcoholic, or drug addict, as it wouldn't be very healthy. However, I think what marriage supporters are saying they think divorce is wrong when it comes to superficial reasons.
I don't necessarily think of marriage as a right/wrong for anyone. I think marriage is an option that not everyone may be willing to make the sacrifices, challenges faced and effort it requires. Instead of making the excuse, "marriage isn't right for me," and treating marriage itself as a problem, be honest and admit "I just don't want to get married" or "I enjoy being single". It's OK to admit that.
Likewise, there are people that married and ARE more content than they were as a single person.
I don't know. There are some people out there who are wholly unsuited to it.
Marriage requires giving up part of yourself to make something greater. It is not just a lifelong date, but rather a partnership that creates something lasting. It is your commitment to always have the other person's back in just about every possible circumstance, good and bad. It is the creation of trust and honesty between two people.
When it works, it works wonderfully. But for it to work, you have to be unselfish and considerate of the other person. You have to put that person before yourself, and put the health of the relationship before either of you. You have to commit yourself to the welfare and happiness of the other person.
And there are people who just can't do that for a host of reasons, most of which involve self-centeredness. They make like hell for the other people in their lives. So, yeah, they shouldn't get married on a bet.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
