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I see this all the time. Some people are not meant to be married or even to have children. why is it that many people think that they have some God given directive to get married.
The most obvious are Drug addicts, Alcoholics, sociopaths or people that are plain Bad and mean. Theyre only going to make their partners unhappy and create more problems in the world, so why get married?
Most people seem to reach middle age before they come to the conclusion that marriage is not meant for them. Has anyone come to this place early on in life? Or is the thought of being without a mate impossible to think of?
Is marriage meant for all?
With a 50% divorce rate and another 25% that really shouldn't be married in the first place I'm thinking definately no!
bek they do not believe that anyone that they loved that much could possibly betray them. most of us believe we would rather be dead, but life is kind and we end up only divorced and wiser.
if we want it, life gives us a 2nd chance, after we learn the lessons, sometimes later in life but a 2nd chance. i got one.
but here is my lesson learned b4 my 2nd chance, when god tells me to jump off a bridge i still do it, but now i slip on a bungee cord just b4 i do.
I think the majority of people who get married, do it because they are so scared of going through life on their own, so I am sure, there are a lot of women out there who will just marry the first loser they find, so that they can tell people they are married. A person who is stable, grounded and confident should never fear to go through life on their own, marriage is a crutch for a lot of people who have deeper emotional issues.
Same thing go with kids, so many women have kids without even considering the impact or consequences of their choices, kids are very appealing to people who are emotionally unstable, who have deep issues and are just desperate for any type of "unconditional love". I agree, most people who are getting married and having kids are not qualified to be husbands, wives or much less, parents!
Because deep down inside we all dream of having a deep and meaningful connection with another person- a "soul mate" if you will, and of living happily ever after with them. Sadly, that dream is all too elusive, and I'll wager that just about anybody who now claims that "Marriage is not for me" is just someone who either can't seem to find their dream mate or who has been hurt and now must protect themselves with the semi-lie that they don't need anyone else to make them happy. While it's true that they don't "need" anyone else to make them happy-- most people really and truly DO want to connect with another human being on a deeper, more meaningful level, and when that never seems to materialize for them- they have to protect themselves from that deep-seated disappointment with the facade of pretending to never have wanted it to begin with. And if this is not the case and someone genuinely has NEVER felt the hope, desire, or inclination to connect deeply with another human being--- then I would have to say that he or she would be one emotionally detached person indeed. And for those who will say that you don't have to be married to connect deeply with another--- this is true. But if you feel that you are capable of a deep and abiding love then why not marry the one that speaks to your soul? Because it may not last? Well, surely it will not last if you go into it already knowing that it is doomed... And then there are the less romantic, more practical reasons to get a civilly recognized contract of marriage for the less idealistic types-- legal issues, community property, children, health and financial benefits, etc....
With folks like Kim Khadashian(sp), Celebrities and fraudulent marriages padding the divorce stats, of course marriage will look like a horrible move. What i am getting at is that marriage is NOT the problem, the real issue is people choosing the wrong person to marry or all the other extracurricular activities that is swept under the rug. If you decide marriage is not for you...fine, but dont come here throwing bogus stats around to support your flawed argument....afterall, there are tons of people in relationships (not married) that end everyday...does that mean they should stop dating because of their failed last relationship? *rolleyes*
Because the "drug addicts, alcoholics, sociopaths, and bad/mean people" saw it in a glossy magazine where everyone is smiling and the sun is shining brightly and they want to live a life where everyone is smiling and the sun shines.
With that being said, a long term relationship* is a great thing but I don't think it is necessary to be married to achieve and/or maintain it.
*I would use words like deep and meaningful but those are givens.
To me, there is no such person as a soul mate, like my fingerprints, there is no match for my soul. Soulmate is another buzz word created by Hollywood writers.
With that said, I wish I had never married. I did it because that was my timeframe of growing up, a husband,stay home mom with 2.2 children, and of coarse the white picket fence surrounding our little love nest.
Well, the only thing I actually ended up doing was getting married, three times, two died, one divorce. All were a mistake. I am now single, retired, no children and Happy, Happy!
Marriage to me, is really nothing but a financial arrangement, and actually in a divorce proceeding that is what the courts look at it as....strictly a distribution of assets, and, if their are children involved, custody and child support issues, that's it...just business.
Seems like a popular topic today. I went to work for a few hours this morning, and found myself engaged in a conversation with three women. One of them found it extremely upsetting I am not interested in getting married or having children. They cycled through well you just haven't met the right one yet. yada, ya...
All I could do was laugh and say, well I'm 45 years old. I doubt the way I want to live my life is going to change. Which uh, most people perceive me as being around 27. I inhereted the "short chromosomes" science has identified with slower aging. But, that's a whole other topic...and the fountain of youth presents some interesting problems. So not all it's cracked up to be.
Interestingly, two of the three women had a brother around my age. Who dates around or will keep the same FWB for several years, etc. They don't want to get married or have children either.
Just seems like marriage isn't something for everyone. It's very difficult to find someone who's emotionally balanced and stable. Someone who isn't manipulative or controlling. Someone who's default way of being isn't all about them.
I really enjoy my life, and don't want to change it. I have hours to develop my talents and skills, or explore new hobbies and activities. Or just time to chill and be at peace. I love seeing and talking with people who have good marriages. Those are few and far between. All I can say is "good for them." *hits golf ball*
I agree with the poster above, in that I view marriage as a legal contract. Like a business merger. I don't need no contract to love someone, or love myself enough to let them go freely.
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