Guys...I have an "I Love You" question (date, woman)
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I've been seeing this guy off and on for a few years. It's not a relationship that we expect (ed) to "go anywhere". It's always been light and fun. After a few years, I stopped talking to him (reasons not important for an answer). He continued to send texts off and on and after a year, I finally responded.
We have picked up where we left off and see each other a couple of times a week for a couple of hours..again light and fun. We've never kissed nor have we ever "screwed". We were texting the other day and he said, "I love you" out of the blue.
I asked him if he meant it and his response was:
Don't go getting all serious on me. I love being with you and I love who you are.
Does it mean he is "in love with me" or something different? If something different, then what exactly? I would love a guy's perspective on what he really meant.
It means he loves the "idea" of you...not cramping his style, he can bang who he wants and probably talk to you about it as well. If there is petting involved he loves that too but he does not love you enough to be tied down (maybe in bed) but not in a relationship.
The fact that you took a year to respond gets me though, I dont even think I have enemies I havent spoken to in a year and this is a guy you chill with often? Im perplexed
It means he loves the "idea" of you...not cramping his style, he can bang who he wants and probably talk to you about it as well. If there is petting involved he loves that too but he does not love you enough to be tied down (maybe in bed) but not in a relationship.
The fact that you took a year to respond gets me though, I dont even think I have enemies I havent spoken to in a year and this is a guy you chill with often? Im perplexed
It didn't start off being the silent treatment but more of an end to the "thing" we had going. We had been seeing each other for about three years off and on, not romantically, but he had a habit of seeing me and then disappearing for months without a word. I got tired of him saying he wouldn't do it any more and then he would. It was a matter of respect or lack of it, rather.
So, I followed through with the threat of not putting up with it anymore and stopped talking to him. I got tired of being mad and the fact he kept sending me stuff saying he missed me and hated how things "ended" was the reason I responded after a year.
At that time he told me he cared for me and wouldn't fall into his old patterns again. And he hasn't. That was about 4 months ago. We have a lot of intensity and chemistry between us and that is why I wanted a third party perspective on his statement.
Does it mean he is "in love with me" or something different? If something different, then what exactly? I would love a guy's perspective on what he really meant.
It appears he loves you for the friendship you provide to him.
[with no pressure to commit beyond what has already been provided]
I just caught wind of your second post in this thread. You guys got some things to work out. I usually leave some scathing comments but my heart actually got the best of me with this one.
Last edited by wordlife; 11-13-2011 at 03:33 AM..
Reason: Did some re reading.
"I love you" can mean so many different things. It really doesn't matter if it's coming from a man or woman. Each one will express it, or say it, but it can mean something different each time.
In this case I think it has something to do with what you two were talking about at the time. You may not realize it, but something you said or did made him feel good. Which would release the emotion to say something like, "I love you." However, he means it only as a friend-to-a-friend-'I love you'-tone.
People throw that chit too casually these days, and since there's no nomenclature standardization out there, it can mean anything from 'I want to have babies with you and live my days out together' to 'i like pie.' It's a mess. I shy from using that word and it automatically gets seen with skepticism. People EXPECT to have something like that reciprocated on the spot, otherwise it's viewed blankly as an on-the-spot rejection, when the whole dynamic can be avoided by not throwing that chit out so casually.
The last girl I dated threw that chit on me in like two weeks from date #1 (can u blame her? ), so im like 'wtf, yeah i love you too [in a i love the company you provide for the two weeks i've known you ya' clinging bat ]'...Because in my mind, saying that at two weeks means exactly that. Miscommunication is the fault of the sender, not the receiver, shorty.... Two months later I dumped her because I had no real enthusiasm for the girl in the context of building a life together and she flips a lid and tells me 'you told me you loved me!!' It wasn't my fault she elected to use a term to describe the level of enthusiasm someone has AT TWO WEEKS as the term I use for the level of enthusiasm someone has on year 7 of a happy and fulfilling relationship...the kind of life place where I would actually consider the non-filial non-platonic romantic use of 'i love you' to be even in the vicinity of appropriate. People wanna throw that chit out on their own accord like it's finger painting class and everything goes. It's crazy. I'm all about sexual infatuation, it's an addicting feeling. But police that chit, this ain't a Disney movie, this is the real world. Relationships involve work and making such flippant use of what most people consider a verbal contract (otherwise it wouldn't offend so many people when others decide to leave the relationship) is not only poor form, it's adding drama to life unnecessarily. If people are going to be casual and non-conservative about their verbalization of romantic feelings then im gonna make up my own rules too.
People need to quit with the 'i love u' crap. it sets them up for misunderstanding later down the road. It's the worst verbal contract, if you really want to get cynical.
Tululah....he said it himself when he said "don't go getting all serious on me"...I have many friends who I love being with, because I love who they've become....But I am definately NOT "in Love" with them.
If the two of you have never even kissed, to me you're "not seeing a guy", your hanging out with someone who just happens to be the opposite sex.
In regards to saying "I love you", it means just what he explained to you. My friends and I say that to each other all the time.
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), so im like 'wtf, yeah i love you too [in a i love the company you provide for the two weeks i've known you ya' clinging bat 
]'...Because in my mind, saying that at two weeks means exactly that. Miscommunication is the fault of the sender, not the receiver, shorty.... Two months later I dumped her because I had no real enthusiasm for the girl in the context of building a life together and she flips a lid and tells me 'you told me you loved me!!' It wasn't my fault she elected to use a term to describe the level of enthusiasm someone has AT TWO WEEKS as the term I use for the level of enthusiasm someone has on year 7 of a happy and fulfilling relationship...the kind of life place where I would actually consider the non-filial non-platonic romantic use of 'i love you' to be even in the vicinity of appropriate. People wanna throw that chit out on their own accord like it's finger painting class and everything goes. It's crazy. I'm all about sexual infatuation, it's an addicting feeling. But police that chit, this ain't a Disney movie, this is the real world. Relationships involve work and making such flippant use of what most people consider a verbal contract (otherwise it wouldn't offend so many people when others decide to leave the relationship) is not only poor form, it's adding drama to life unnecessarily. If people are going to be casual and non-conservative about their verbalization of romantic feelings then im gonna make up my own rules too. 
