Is there a place in the dating world for mentally ill women (loving, older)
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I am just saying to hold those diagnoses lightly - they are manmade creations - there is no discreet thing as "schizoid" or "Asperger's" - those are LABELS ascribed to a bunch of "symptoms" . . . there are other ways of looking at your "issues" and if therapy has not worked for you, you don't have the right therapist, because with the right therapist, you are encouraged to change destructive habits, get support for the things you need support in, etc.
If you want to see yourself as flawed and "messed up" the popular culture will support you in that. I was trying to give you another perspective. If interested, check out "Narrative Therapy" or get a spiritual counselor who does not pathologize people along with their "symptoms."
I understand that many people think there's over diagnoses in these areas and such. But if you're from the school of thought 'these disorders don't exist' that is all fine and well -- but I have no interest in going back and forth debate over my own mental health status and validity of it. I'm smart enough to look at a bunch of "symptoms" or behaviors and know whether I have them or I don't. Again PLEASE do not turn this into "mental disorders don't exist they're just labels" b/c I'm not interested in that kind of dialog here. It's not the purpose of my question. I don't care about pop culture supporting or disproving my views of myself. I can look at real, everyday people around me in my age group and have common sense to know I am not functioning on the same levels as them.... She's not my first therapist, she's my 4th. She tries CBT which is about changing negative thinking or w/e. I will look into what "narrative therapy" is.
What kind of OCD do you have Do you constantly check things before you go to bed
Yes, but I am getting better handling it. Used to check door locks several times a night or think some pervert was outside my window at night so I checked that a million times too, but not anymore. I have some strange rituals involving even numbers only (not really wanting to go into specifics on that)....mostly though I have issues with checking and re-checking things because not sure if I did it in the first place ex: driving back home to make sure the stove burners really are off, etc. Why? do you have it? what do you do?
Yes, but I am getting better handling it. Used to check door locks several times a night or think some pervert was outside my window at night so I checked that a million times too, but not anymore. I have some strange rituals involving even numbers only (not really wanting to go into specifics on that)....mostly though I have issues with checking and re-checking things because not sure if I did it in the first place ex: driving back home to make sure the stove burners really are off, etc. Why? do you have it? what do you do?
I have rituals before bedtime too..I need to check stovetop burners, if windows are closed, locks, turn off electronics, if my pillow is set correctly, if the heating is set between number 1 and 2, if lightswitch is actually off and not just stuck halfway. I do these things over and over...I will stay in one spot checking things over and over It drives me mad. I count things too but that don't really make any sense.
I understand that many people think there's over diagnoses in these areas and such. But if you're from the school of thought 'these disorders don't exist' that is all fine and well -- but I have no interest in going back and forth debate over my own mental health status and validity of it. I'm smart enough to look at a bunch of "symptoms" or behaviors and know whether I have them or I don't. Again PLEASE do not turn this into "mental disorders don't exist they're just labels" b/c I'm not interested in that kind of dialog here. It's not the purpose of my question. I don't care about pop culture supporting or disproving my views of myself. I can look at real, everyday people around me in my age group and have common sense to know I am not functioning on the same levels as them.... She's not my first therapist, she's my 4th. She tries CBT which is about changing negative thinking or w/e. I will look into what "narrative therapy" is.
Of course you are the expert on yourself and what is helpful to you. I was just trying to offer an alternative point-of-view regarding your identity . . .just looking at how you labeled yourself as "mentally ill" in the title . . .yes, you are "different," but I personally would rather see myself as a different genius, artist, introvert, scientist, or whatever, than "mentally ill." But I will not post on your thread anymore. I am sorry I offended you. Good luck in your journey.
Yes, but I am getting better handling it. Used to check door locks several times a night or think some pervert was outside my window at night so I checked that a million times too, but not anymore. I have some strange rituals involving even numbers only (not really wanting to go into specifics on that)....mostly though I have issues with checking and re-checking things because not sure if I did it in the first place ex: driving back home to make sure the stove burners really are off, etc. Why? do you have it? what do you do?
I said I would not post more in your thread, but just wanted to respond to this - A reason you might have to check and recheck could be due to not being present in the moment. In other words, you turn something off, but your mind is elsewhere, so you don't have the experience of turning it off. Mindfullness practice might be helpful here. Again, "take what you like . . ."
Of course you are the expert on yourself and what is helpful to you. I was just trying to offer an alternative point-of-view regarding your identity . . .just looking at how you labeled yourself as "mentally ill" in the title . . .yes, you are "different," but I personally would rather see myself as a different genius, artist, introvert, scientist, or whatever, than "mentally ill." But I will not post on your thread anymore. I am sorry I offended you. Good luck in your journey.
I wasn't offended...I see where you are coming from with re framing the thoughts and if calling yourself a different type of genius or what have you is helpful I'm not going to argue it's not. Personally, I do not see the point in telling myself something like that when I don't beleive it. yes, I said 'mentally ill' in the title b/c that's how I view my situation, I think I could spin it a hundred different ways and call it something else but up is still up and down is still down if that makes any sense. Maybe what your saying and what my therapist is saying is the reason why CBT is not working for me in the first place. She tell me to stop thinking negative and say positive affirmations; but I can't control my thoughts and I didn't get anything out of telling myself positive statements I don't even believe are true! I found this site on narrative therapy and I would be willing to try it if it were available to me. I live in a small town and an old online friend told me to go to a sex therapist -- but again, there's not that type of therapy within reasonable distance. Sometime I wonder if people that are mentally ill or different or however you wish to phrase it, commit suicide b/c they realize there's no point in the uphill battle anymore? Like they seem themselves for the way they are, no bullsh*t, and know it's not going to go anywhere different regardless of efforts....as far as my OCD I will try what you said about mindfulness practice (which I never thought of) and see if that works for me. I hope you were not offended by way I phrase things. ty
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Your post was well-written and articulate which shows you are very intelligent and have a lot of self-insight. I do suggest you continue your therapy just to diagnose (or NOT to diagnose) your anxiety issues. Millions and millions of people suffer from anxiety disorders, they are very common and you shouldn't chastise yourself for having something you cannot control without medication.
As for being a virgin, you can look through the archives on this Forum and find that many, many people are virgins when they're in their 30's and 40's. Most have extreme "shame" or worry about in incessantly, though others seem not to care and are content with being a virgin. My suggestion is to find an older man who will see you through your first sexual experience. You're making too big a deal out of it, having sex is not going to change you or transform you. But you admit to being lonely and want intimacy, which is completely normal.
Why not find a man in their late 40's to see you through this? You seem to have low self-esteem, so use the asset you do have: your youth. You're a young woman to a 50 year old man and that alone will make you desirable.
You don't sound mentally ill to me, you sound confused and lonely, which are feelings everyone experiences. You may need different meds to successfully deal with your anxiety. I wish you the best of luck.
the people thats here that say they are happy being a virgin and are content with that, i wish i knew ways to just be happy that i live alone and get used to and accept that but i don't know any ways to do that. it could be that i am not cut out for any kinds of intimate relationships and if so i wish i could just accept that and move on to other things in life.
I never suggested you date a 60 year old man. I said a guy in their 40's... vast difference between that and 60.
You've said no man pays any attention to you but now throw up roadblocks about having potential success with someone older. As I said, your youth is an asset to a man in their 40's and they would be less picky, probably, about possible "mental illness" or you being a virgin. I'm not suggesting you marry the older man, merely have them take your virginity to get you over that "obstacle." Your post sounds like a person older than 30 wrote it (which is a compliment). I bet you'd have a lot more in common with a 40 year old guy than someone your own age. Just my .05 cents.
OK I should've been more clear that I am in therapy and am on medication now for years. Therapy is a joke IMO, it doesn't work I don't care if its worked for millions of others -- it doesn't for everyone that gets into it.
Most people are nuts in one way or another. And most guys who have dated more than 5 women will call at least one of the completely crazy. SO how about the ordinary dating scene?
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Do you constantly check things before you go to bed
It drives me mad. I count things too but that don't really make any sense.
