Is there a place in the dating world for mentally ill women (married, love)
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I didn't think you were attacking me, I thought you were implying I was being deceptive, it was implied by this: "Also, red lip stick lola? That name sounds a bit to sexual for someone who is not only a virgin at 30, but has not dated men at all." Not sure what other implication that could've meant except doubt. But if I was wrong, my bad... I fully understand that you drew your own conclusion that I might be a lesbian, I was correcting you in telling you that conclusion is wrong. If you had an experience similar with 2 people you know in real life, I understand that. But there's a whole lot of loose ends that can't possibly be explained and put forth on a thread like this online w/o divulging one's whole life story. Consider the loose ends is all I'm saying. I understand that my sexuality has no bearing on your personal life -- but I am going to correct a person who is thinking something untrue about me, because it does have a bearing on mine. I already have enough trouble with men, the last thing I need is for them to think I don't actually want to attract them at all. I hope that makes sense!
Fair enough. If I thought you were being deceptive, it was only to yourself and not us. But nobody knows you better than you do.
As for your OP: yes there is a place in the dating world for mentally ill women. However, most men would rather not be with someone in your situation (men think women are crazy enough as it is ). I don't know what to tell you but the truth: most men will find you a handful and not want to deal with any of it. Don't lose hope, though; but there are some who would be co-dependent to your type. There are plenty of good men who would love to have a woman like you to take care of that are not co-dependent, too. They are patient, natural care-givers who will have your best interests at heart. However, there are also men out there would like to take advantage of someone in your situation, so please be aware.
As for how to meet the good guys? I dunno, trial and error I suppose. And time. It will also take some trust on your part, so just take it slow when you meet someone and let the guy know upfront what is going on in your head.
Hello. maybe some of the good folks here can help me sort a few things out! I will be 32 in a few months and I have never been on a date or nor had sex When I was much younger I tried to get boyfriends like the other girls around me but didn't really understand how to go about it & no one ever asked me outright -- so I would randomly 'accost' guys at my schools (maybe did this 3 or 4 times) and they instantly rejected me, which left me feeling insecure and hurt. I gave up on that approach, moved on to college and to make a long story short men there didn't seem to notice me either, like I was invisible. People have told me I am unapproachable but I do not know why b/c I rarely say anything and I am very shy and nervous around people. To make matters worse, I have severe fears of intimacies with males. From what I have seen and read, the modern dating world is simply to fast for me, LOL. Most of these other adults have been very judgmental towards people that don't fit what they're looking for. I don't feel I can compete with these other women in various categories so maybe should stop fooling myself? But how to do that?
I have been in therapy and on medication now for depression, anxiety disorder, OCD and beleive I have either Aspgergers or schizoid personality disorder. I dunno. I seen a number of times where the men say they 'don't want head cases or psychos' and that makes me feel bad also. I had a small circle of female friends and 2 or 3 guys friends for most of my life that I completely cut off contact with a few years back. I did that because it became increasingly uncomfortable to 'match' up with their lives of S.O's, children, marriage, etc. when I live alone and had none of that. So now, I have one friend that is married and I can only "tolerate" socially a few get togethers with her and her husband sometimes, they are 25 years older than me. I would like to know if anybody thinks there's any hope for somebody like me? if not, how can I just get over the whole wanting to date and find someone and be happy being alone? ty.
Personally, I prefer people with insecurities because it shows they don't have an inflated ego. I think if you don't have an insecurity from this culture, chances are you're an *******, dumb or both. I don't think there's anything wrong with you but people don't understand me either so I could be totally insane.
Sensitivity is a sign of intelligence. And I think people are just not bright enough to grasp your situation. As scary as it may seem, what you're dealing with is dumb people around you. An intelligent culture/family doesn't let one of their own exist involuntarily cut off from the group for 32 years without getting to the root of the problem. But that's the way this culture is so you need to get used to it and work around it. Blaming others doesn't work.
On the positive side, I think deep down, though you tell yourself you would like to be with someone (we're all programmed to), you really don't want to be because, if you did, you would by now. You are unapproachable. You see the way people behave, you don't like it, and so you close up. I don't blame you.
But you feel suffering because you feel you have to avoid people and this, in turn, makes you feel you are missing out. but what you are missing out on is people you wouldn't like anyway. You need to be more internally judgmental of the shallow and insensitive people and less judgmental of yourself. They have the problem, not you. They are shallow *******s. You have ethical social standards. You need to define and focus on what you are looking for in a person. You need someone with no ego, who's not shallow, doesn't judge people on superficial stuff, is unapologetically intellectual, ethical (as in socially fair-minded), someone who, if he saw you and a super-model at a bar, he would still have no reason to be attracted to her over you because he hasn't spoken to either of you yet. That's what you're looking for. Not easy to find but if you remind yourself those are your standards, you won't miss or feel anxiety over the idiots with their brains in their pants.
Now, as for being happy alone (and hopefully you won't have to stay alone). I have my own personal observation taken from reflection on my own experience watching people:
You don't need someone to be happy. You need someone to be unhappy. Look at your own experience. When are you unhappy? When you're thinking about other people and your relationship to them. What did you feel the need to cut off ties from? Other people. Why? Because they were making you unhappy. When are you most content? Could it be when you are not around other people and your mind is not trying to "fix" your relationship with them?
Last edited by Shankapotomus; 12-04-2011 at 07:42 PM..
Is there a place in the dating world for mentally ill women
Lots. Since most men have few options, all she has to do is find one of these guys who is desperate. I know a number of women who have had success like that.
Mentally ill men are usually on the street either panhandling or lining up for a meal at the mission. Nobody wants them.
Lots. Since most men have few options, all she has to do is find one of these guys who is desperate. I know a number of women who have had success like that.
Mentally ill men are usually on the street either panhandling or lining up for a meal at the mission. Nobody wants them.
yea because my day isn't complete without the usual insult from a guy. what else is new? what makes you think I want to date men who are homeless that nobody else wants?? you claim to 'not be a redneck' but I beg to differ. enjoy your time in 'iggy land' moron.
Fair enough. If I thought you were being deceptive, it was only to yourself and not us. But nobody knows you better than you do.
As for your OP: yes there is a place in the dating world for mentally ill women. However, most men would rather not be with someone in your situation (men think women are crazy enough as it is ). I don't know what to tell you but the truth: most men will find you a handful and not want to deal with any of it. Don't lose hope, though; but there are some who would be co-dependent to your type. There are plenty of good men who would love to have a woman like you to take care of that are not co-dependent, too. They are patient, natural care-givers who will have your best interests at heart. However, there are also men out there would like to take advantage of someone in your situation, so please be aware.
As for how to meet the good guys? I dunno, trial and error I suppose. And time. It will also take some trust on your part, so just take it slow when you meet someone and let the guy know upfront what is going on in your head.
well that pretty much seems to be the summation of advice here -- most of the guys will not want anything to do with me (regardless of knowing nothing else about me as a person) but 'don't give up!' It's laughable and ironic at this point (not you, the overall situation). I'm not saying you suggested this, but I'm in no way looking for a home health care giver. I have a therapist already and medication. I live on my own and have never had a man taking care of me any other time in life so wasn't looking for that now. Just a normal experience & mutual support system with one that I've seen other women my age have but apparently that is asking too much on my part. Not everything is supposed to happen for everyone, you know? If it was meant to be then it probably would've happened by now. So then maybe it's not in cards for me in that area of life.
Personally, I prefer people with insecurities because it shows they don't have an inflated ego. I think if you don't have an insecurity from this culture, chances are you're an *******, dumb or both. I don't think there's anything wrong with you but people don't understand me either so I could be totally insane.
Sensitivity is a sign of intelligence. And I think people are just not bright enough to grasp your situation. As scary as it may seem, what you're dealing with is dumb people around you. An intelligent culture/family doesn't let one of their own exist involuntarily cut off from the group for 32 years without getting to the root of the problem. But that's the way this culture is so you need to get used to it and work around it. Blaming others doesn't work.
On the positive side, I think deep down, though you tell yourself you would like to be with someone (we're all programmed to), you really don't want to be because, if you did, you would by now. You are unapproachable. You see the way people behave, you don't like it, and so you close up. I don't blame you.
But you feel suffering because you feel you have to avoid people and this, in turn, makes you feel you are missing out. but what you are missing out on is people you wouldn't like anyway. You need to be more internally judgmental of the shallow and insensitive people and less judgmental of yourself. They have the problem, not you. They are shallow *******s. You have ethical social standards. You need to define and focus on what you are looking for in a person. You need someone with no ego, who's not shallow, doesn't judge people on superficial stuff, is unapologetically intellectual, ethical (as in socially fair-minded), someone who, if he saw you and a super-model at a bar, he would still have no reason to be attracted to her over you because he hasn't spoken to either of you yet. That's what you're looking for. Not easy to find but if you remind yourself those are your standards, you won't miss or feel anxiety over the idiots with their brains in their pants.
Now, as for being happy alone (and hopefully you won't have to stay alone). I have my own personal observation taken from reflection on my own experience watching people:
You don't need someone to be happy. You need someone to be unhappy. Look at your own experience. When are you unhappy? When you're thinking about other people and your relationship to them. What did you feel the need to cut off ties from? Other people. Why? Because they were making you unhappy. When are you most content? Could it be when you are not around other people and your mind is not trying to "fix" your relationship with them?
ty for all of the advice and points you have made here. i really do appreciate it (as well as the others' advice and suggestions). you basically have down pat what I am looking for except for one problem -- he sounds nice and all but doesn't actually exist . Well at least in my world he doesn't & I've never come across anyone like what you describe. I've seen that guy in a couple of movies but never IRL. I don't know what your personal experiences have been, but maybe you have met your significant others by approaching them and getting to know them; it seems that is the way most men go about finding a mate. I'm not sure how to make that happen or what to do or say to 'create' those circumstances for myself. The only thing you said that wasn't accurate was if I wanted it to happen by now, it would've so I must not really want it. I guess if you look at a people's bad relationships that would make you not want one. But not me. This woman that used to work in my office would complain to us girls about her bf who sent her flowers all the time but he always sent the wrong kind and the wrong color, despite her telling him on numerous occasions what her favorites were. I remember thinking, I wish some guy cared enough to send me flowers, I would probably start crying. LOL. But oh well, what can you do? You don't sound "totally insane" btw, LOL.
yea because my day isn't complete without the usual insult from a guy. what else is new? what makes you think I want to date men who are homeless that nobody else wants?? you claim to 'not be a redneck' but I beg to differ. enjoy your time in 'iggy land' moron.
Do you have a nice body? I'm sure if you put on some hot stockings with a garter belt, and 5" heels - found a guy to have nasty sex - it would make a huge difference!!!
Do you have a nice body? I'm sure if you put on some hot stockings with a garter belt, and 5" heels - found a guy to have nasty sex - it would make a huge difference!!!
I don't dress provocative or w/e. Can't walk in high heels & no just no, to all the other stuff LOL.
Is there a place in the dating world for mentally ill women
Quote:
Originally Posted by Doll Eyes
Hello. maybe some of the good folks here can help me sort a few things out! I will be 32 in a few months and I have never been on a date or nor had sex When I was much younger I tried to get boyfriends like the other girls around me but didn't really understand how to go about it & no one ever asked me outright -- so I would randomly 'accost' guys at my schools (maybe did this 3 or 4 times) and they instantly rejected me, which left me feeling insecure and hurt. I gave up on that approach, moved on to college and to make a long story short men there didn't seem to notice me either, like I was invisible. People have told me I am unapproachable but I do not know why b/c I rarely say anything and I am very shy and nervous around people. To make matters worse, I have severe fears of intimacies with males. From what I have seen and read, the modern dating world is simply to fast for me, LOL. Most of these other adults have been very judgmental towards people that don't fit what they're looking for. I don't feel I can compete with these other women in various categories so maybe should stop fooling myself? But how to do that?
I have been in therapy and on medication now for depression, anxiety disorder, OCD and beleive I have either Aspgergers or schizoid personality disorder. I dunno. I seen a number of times where the men say they 'don't want head cases or psychos' and that makes me feel bad also. I had a small circle of female friends and 2 or 3 guys friends for most of my life that I completely cut off contact with a few years back. I did that because it became increasingly uncomfortable to 'match' up with their lives of S.O's, children, marriage, etc. when I live alone and had none of that. So now, I have one friend that is married and I can only "tolerate" socially a few get togethers with her and her husband sometimes, they are 25 years older than me. I would like to know if anybody thinks there's any hope for somebody like me? if not, how can I just get over the whole wanting to date and find someone and be happy being alone? ty.
I hesitate to post my thoughts on this subject, but you asked...
Your question: "Is there a place in the dating world for mentally ill women". I would say yes, if a woman is willing to do what is necessary to attract and hold a man. In your case, I would say no, the reason being you don't seem to be willing to do what it takes to date a man. You have dumped the few males friends you've had in the past, you are not comfortable with married couples. Some people will tell you everyone deserves love, I say you deserve what you are willing to work for. You are shy, being intimate with a man bothers you, or scares you. You can't establish a relationship with anyone until you can give of yourself. You can't have a relationship until you overcome the obstacles in your path, the negative attitudes you have toward men and the are willing to change your outlook. Will that happen? I doubt that it will happen, it is up to you.
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). I don't know what to tell you but the truth: most men will find you a handful and not want to deal with any of it. Don't lose hope, though; but there are some who would be co-dependent to your type. There are plenty of good men who would love to have a woman like you to take care of that are not co-dependent, too. They are patient, natural care-givers who will have your best interests at heart. However, there are also men out there would like to take advantage of someone in your situation, so please be aware. 
When I was much younger I tried to get boyfriends like the other girls around me but didn't really understand how to go about it & no one ever asked me outright -- so I would randomly 'accost' guys at my schools (maybe did this 3 or 4 times) and they instantly rejected me, which left me feeling insecure and hurt. I gave up on that approach, moved on to college and to make a long story short men there didn't seem to notice me either, like I was invisible. People have told me I am unapproachable but I do not know why b/c I rarely say anything and I am very shy and nervous around people. To make matters worse, I have severe fears of intimacies with males. From what I have seen and read, the modern dating world is simply to fast for me, LOL. Most of these other adults have been very judgmental towards people that don't fit what they're looking for. I don't feel I can compete with these other women in various categories so maybe should stop fooling myself? But how to do that?
Is there a place in the dating world for mentally ill women
. Well at least in my world he doesn't & I've never come across anyone like what you describe. I've seen that guy in a couple of movies but never IRL. I don't know what your personal experiences have been, but maybe you have met your significant others by approaching them and getting to know them; it seems that is the way most men go about finding a mate. I'm not sure how to make that happen or what to do or say to 'create' those circumstances for myself. The only thing you said that wasn't accurate was if I wanted it to happen by now, it would've so I must not really want it. I guess if you look at a people's bad relationships that would make you not want one. But not me. This woman that used to work in my office would complain to us girls about her bf who sent her flowers all the time but he always sent the wrong kind and the wrong color, despite her telling him on numerous occasions what her favorites were. I remember thinking, I wish some guy cared enough to send me flowers, I would probably start crying. LOL. But oh well, what can you do? You don't sound "totally insane" btw, LOL.
