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I think its a combination of being stubborn and also guilty. I sent you a PM, Thanks.
Its just strange how you can still care about a person, but know you can no longer live with them.
sunny
That is not strange at all.. I think that happens a lot. It's OK to care but know in your heart that you can not live with them.. With your education and background, you can go anywhere, but it's hard being at that crossroads emotionally and physically. You will find the right place for your and the babies
I have known men who have gone thru a divorce, and their women, take them for everything they can get their hands on...I don't know what ever happened to halfs, and what is fair is fair, as far as the rulings are concerned. Therefore, they work hard for what they have...and they certainly do not wish to go thru that again....
yanno, it's bad enough some women get married to be taken care of...but even after a divorce, they don't wish to be self supporting, so they figure it's ok for the ex to still take care of them...I don't understand that?
I don't believe men have a problem getting over things for one reason...but for many....
I also know another man who caught his wife...that was 27 years ago...he will never marry again.
Also, believe, due to the male hormone and sex drive, they fall in love with looks and lust....and then, when they live with or marry the woman....they quickly see the prize they've married...and it looses it's attraction. Woman can be really whinny, self indulgent and charge, charge, charge, without thinking who has to pay the bills, yanno?
Also, there are women who are down right abusive....and all these things to me, are difficult to get over. Again, I don't believe it's for one reason, but for many, most of which, we really don't know the person we're married to until we live with them and marry them.
My last ex...I thought was a dream....when we married, my gosh, he changed like day and night....now believe me there were flags....but I thought myself to be to punchy from the last marriage...low and behold, that gut instinct was true to me...and I should have listened to it.....
I hope more men contribute to this thread...it would be interesting...
Things get so muddled in relationships. Previous hurts and red flags DO make you punchy, so when you see them in the next relationship, you can't really gauge if you are seeing what you think you are, even though your gut knows.
Also, sometimes we mistake the guy coming back or pursuing after a breakup with his love for us, when it's really about losing his ego.
I know I am guilty of both these things and with my most recent breakup, I am still learning.
I also understand re-evaluating your life---your career, your living location. Gosh, I'm going through all that now. Sometimes it's exciting. Sometimes it's really overwhelming.
ok, this is just a general question, but I have noticed that men and their ego tend to have a problem- even after divorce/separation....it seems they like to think they can still pull strings? Why??? I dont understand this at all. Especially when the healthiest option is to move on.....
sunny
I know the feeling. I had an ex who decided that because I did not want to be with him anymore, that he was going to falsely accuse me of vandalism (that he did himself) and put me in jail..
He harassed me constantly, threatened to bomb my car, threatened to break into my house.... so I blocked him from my home and cellphone, changed everything internet related to me (screen-names and such), and even told some of his friends that I would not be around them because it put me in close proximity to him.
I lost a lot of people that I was close to because of his actions.. It was very pathetic on his part to act that way.
I think the one thing which is advantageous to remember is...do not jump into someone else's arms. I believe we should always try and remember the heart of the other person...and not listen to our animal instincts...I am also a firm believer that you do not want to date someone who is newly out of a separation and/or divorce. Why, b/c first, that would send up a flag to me...that the person is not independent...and needs someone in their lives to feel purposeful. Life has to be about us sometime...not to the point that we become so self indulgent we have no social skills...but we must take time to really get to know who we are. You see, when we decide to live with someone, there is a certain amount of us, we give up...and as in every relationship...one always gives more then the other, so sometimes, in a relationship, we loose that deep soul person we once were. I know...b/c I was the one who gave more, and mom's well, we mom's know, our family comes first, and if there's anything left, then we indulge, right?
But, I tell you true, this journey by myself has been the most awakening experience in my life. I truly have enjoyed being with me...so much so, that I really don't know, if I could be good with someone by my side. And that isn't a sad thing....really, I'm so peaceful and satisfied with my life. I only wish, my DIL were more confident, that she and I could be friends, but alas, that will never happen, so it's onward and upward. But seriously, we don't have to be with someone to be happy, and if we're not happy, we won't ever make it with someone else.
We must remember, as a future partner to anyone, it's all about respect and concern for the heart of another, and if we are not able to allow...and I mean, really allow them their ideas, hobbies, freedoms, and personal quality time to do what they enjoy...then we have no business being with someone. If we are jealous, if we are insecure...or controlling, then we must be aware and get that fixed before entering into a relationship and hurting so many other hearts. It's not just about us, but about our better half, their family, your family, friends, and children, if they come along.
So, God as my witness, society needs to learn to teach from little on up, morals, respect, to abide by laws, to nurture others, to allow, to be independent, and to own compassion.
I once heard it said, that the most generous gift you can give someone you love, is to let them go...
A lot of men just have trouble being alone in the first place...so unless they have someone else to go to, the majority would just stay where they are until they decide to cheat or they get left.
My whatever he is. I just moved out w the kids on 0901, I saw him yesterday, had to pick up some things at his house, his mother is there.
So, he has a new woman there to take care of him. His mommy.
yes, some men, have been conditioned badly by their mothers....and their mothers, cannot let their boys go....some mothers are co-dependent on purpose...being needed...by their families...and when the children grow up and leave, they can't let them go. Other mothers, actually make their children co-dependent on them, therefore, some men will look for women who will take care of them, like they're mothers did. That is why I stress parenting and think that society is so so far behind in understanding these things...it would make for better partners if we became more aware of this...and relationships might become much more productive and valuable to people?
My whatever he is. I just moved out w the kids on 0901, I saw him yesterday, had to pick up some things at his house, his mother is there.
So, he has a new woman there to take care of him. His mommy.
lol- They are peas in a pod- My stbx spent this week with his Mommy--In ten years when he is 59 he will be doing the same- That is why the dysfunctional and denial never changes- His mother is too busy telling the sons how they are fine, not alcoholics, meanwhile both are going thru 2md and third divorces.......
I havent had my Mom since I was 20- He also said that no one will care when I die- lol- I hope his Mommy lives to be 95 then........ I am just angry I wasted time with this person...life sucks sometimes
sunny
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A few other reasons
-In ten years when he is 59 he will be doing the same- That is why the dysfunctional and denial never changes- His mother is too busy telling the sons how they are fine, not alcoholics, meanwhile both are going thru 2md and third divorces.......
