Children - To have or not have (married, women, young)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Someone asked this question, and the discussion went the wrong way. Why? I don't udnerstand...if you got an opinion about something only remotely related to a topic, start your own thread.
In today's economic and social environment, the idea of having a family is a difficult choice for many people.
Here is something to ponder:
Later on in life you may begin to feel that you did miss an opportunity - Having a family.
I understand the risks someone is confronted with:
For instance, can you afford a family - it is a big commitment, and clearly a lifestye change...for a long, long time.
But, we all know people that did it. And, many people did it quite well with incomes much like your own. They sacrificed for many years.
And you must be committed to sacrifice - Changing your lifestyle, staying home, living without things that are the "best money can buy"...
You must envision having a family, and determine if that will be valuable to you. And, if you like children, then the decision may not be too much of a challenge. Especially when you think that they will be your children.
Another problem is if you are unsure of your relationship. And I think this drives many people to not have children.
It's something for people to think about. If you have any doubts what so ever about marrying someone...Walk away from them. You will most likely end up divorcing them anyway. Because character flaws during courtship become unbearable habits after marriage...People are on their best during courtship.
Many people will tell you that they wish they married that "not so perfect" person who did have a good personality, and did adore them. They make real lifetime companions.
I'm sure most of us have someone in our past that we chose to let go, but we now think it was a big mistake in our lives.
Too many people are fixed on getting a "showpiece" spouse...That is, looks, their popularity or money are more important.
Think of the long term...look at the flaws of that "showpiece" - Those flaws will get worse...And they may likely simply get bored with you anyway - Face that reality, no matter how highly you think of yourself. If you're working to keep that showpiece interested, you got a problem.
If they are not there at times when you need them, you got a problem. And I will say it again - when you get locked into them in marriage, it will get worse.
With a spouse that you feel secure with, the choice of children gets easier, either way.
It will work out either way, because you will have someone that will stand by you, for better or worse.
Americans cannot afford to have children anymore without the socialized help of the state and federal government:
The percentage of American women showing up at hospitals across the country ready to give birth but without insurance has rised dramatically in the last three years. Of course the bill never gets paid, and/or some form of state assistance covers it.
Then there is the fact that the child cannot be raised without the child tax deduction and myriad of child credits (including the ones for daycare) and earned income tax credit.
Followed by years of schooling from first grade until their senior year of high school. Yeah, public schools - paid for with tax dollars. If people had to actually pay some kind of tuition to put their kids in school from K-12, well, not many of them would be going.
Including the 1 out of 4 families right now that are on some type of state assistance including food stamps, to feed the end results of what happens if you have sex without a condom. It's ridiculous.
And lets not forget sending the little xerox copies everyone makes of themselves to college. Most "students" (aka, grown adults that do not want to enter the real world and get a job) recieve financial aid, pell grants and loans subsidized by the federal government. Once again, taxpayer money.
And the list goes on. . . .
Americans obviously cannot afford to have children anymore. Stop having kids if you cannot pay for the above listed (although not complete) list of expenses related to having children.
If people stopped drinking the birth rate would go down. How did people do it back in the days when they had nothing... People can find a way to survive if the want to.. One car, no cable, no internet, etc.. It just comes down to what people wan to give up..
Not sure what the op is trying to say?
I don't want kids because, for me, it's too much work with too little reward.
I shouldn't have kids because I'm prone to serious bouts of depression.
Migee, you offer good, sound advice. Some people have a hard time with change. They expected life to be one way but things did not turn out that way.
It can take them years to catch up or realize that things aren't always going to be the way they thought. Some realize too late, like in old age, that some things were just not important. These people struggle with life, and IMO, always will.
ETA: After having my daughter I am more active about who is in my life and who isn't. Its not that I try to keep anybody out of my life but my expectations of them tend to do that. That being said, there is only one person who I did write to that basically said to keep away. Sometimes I wonder if it was a mistake but then I think about it one way. If that person met my mother, who is similar to me, and she talked and treated her the way she did me, I would have thrown her out of my house.
Americans cannot afford to have children anymore without the socialized help of the state and federal government:
Data to back that up?
The percentage of American women showing up at hospitals across the country ready to give birth but without insurance has rised dramatically in the last three years. Of course the bill never gets paid, and/or some form of state assistance covers it.
And what percentage would that be??
Then there is the fact that the child cannot be raised without the child tax deduction and myriad of child credits (including the ones for daycare) and earned income tax credit.
4 kids...none in daycare. We don't need a tax credit to afford them.
Followed by years of schooling from first grade until their senior year of high school. Yeah, public schools - paid for with tax dollars. If people had to actually pay some kind of tuition to put their kids in school from K-12, well, not many of them would be going.
That is how the United States operates. Not to mention I PAY taxes and my tax rate is reflective of the value of my home. The more your home is worth, the more you pay. So esentially I am paying for the education of my children.
Including the 1 out of 4 families right now that are on some type of state assistance including food stamps, to feed the end results of what happens if you have sex without a condom. It's ridiculous.
And lets not forget sending the little xerox copies everyone makes of themselves to college. Most "students" (aka, grown adults that do not want to enter the real world and get a job) recieve financial aid, pell grants and loans subsidized by the federal government. Once again, taxpayer money.
Or scholarships and loans they have to pay back.
And the list goes on. . . .
Americans obviously cannot afford to have children anymore. Stop having kids if you cannot pay for the above listed (although not complete) list of expenses related to having children.
Stop breeding folks.
Nice, blanket statements you have there. Very informative
I think it was confucius who said "when you come to the fork in the road ,you are on the wrong road "
If you can come up the pros and cons of being a parent you are probably not suited to be a parent. A baby has no practical use what so ever. If you are so wealthy that you don't have ask your government to help you raise a child, why would you do something so potentially reckless to your fortune and your futue like having a baby? The answer to that question is the reason we have children.
Americans cannot afford to have children anymore without the socialized help of the state and federal government:
The percentage of American women showing up at hospitals across the country ready to give birth but without insurance has rised dramatically in the last three years. Of course the bill never gets paid, and/or some form of state assistance covers it.
Then there is the fact that the child cannot be raised without the child tax deduction and myriad of child credits (including the ones for daycare) and earned income tax credit.
Followed by years of schooling from first grade until their senior year of high school. Yeah, public schools - paid for with tax dollars. If people had to actually pay some kind of tuition to put their kids in school from K-12, well, not many of them would be going.
Including the 1 out of 4 families right now that are on some type of state assistance including food stamps, to feed the end results of what happens if you have sex without a condom. It's ridiculous.
And lets not forget sending the little xerox copies everyone makes of themselves to college. Most "students" (aka, grown adults that do not want to enter the real world and get a job) recieve financial aid, pell grants and loans subsidized by the federal government. Once again, taxpayer money.
And the list goes on. . . .
Americans obviously cannot afford to have children anymore. Stop having kids if you cannot pay for the above listed (although not complete) list of expenses related to having children.
Stop breeding folks.
Wrong.
All my kids were born with insurance that I paid for paying for their births. They've been covered by insurance the whole time, however each has been to the doctor only once or twice.
I bought their food, clothes, I paid for my house, AND I pay a lot of taxes.
Someone asked this question, and the discussion went the wrong way. Why? I don't udnerstand...if you got an opinion about something only remotely related to a topic, start your own thread.
In today's economic and social environment, the idea of having a family is a difficult choice for many people.
Here is something to ponder:
Later on in life you may begin to feel that you did miss an opportunity - Having a family.
I understand the risks someone is confronted with:
For instance, can you afford a family - it is a big commitment, and clearly a lifestye change...for a long, long time.
But, we all know people that did it. And, many people did it quite well with incomes much like your own. They sacrificed for many years.
And you must be committed to sacrifice - Changing your lifestyle, staying home, living without things that are the "best money can buy"...
You must envision having a family, and determine if that will be valuable to you. And, if you like children, then the decision may not be too much of a challenge. Especially when you think that they will be your children.
Another problem is if you are unsure of your relationship. And I think this drives many people to not have children.
It's something for people to think about. If you have any doubts what so ever about marrying someone...Walk away from them. You will most likely end up divorcing them anyway. Because character flaws during courtship become unbearable habits after marriage...People are on their best during courtship.
Many people will tell you that they wish they married that "not so perfect" person who did have a good personality, and did adore them. They make real lifetime companions.
I'm sure most of us have someone in our past that we chose to let go, but we now think it was a big mistake in our lives.
Too many people are fixed on getting a "showpiece" spouse...That is, looks, their popularity or money are more important.
Think of the long term...look at the flaws of that "showpiece" - Those flaws will get worse...And they may likely simply get bored with you anyway - Face that reality, no matter how highly you think of yourself. If you're working to keep that showpiece interested, you got a problem.
If they are not there at times when you need them, you got a problem. And I will say it again - when you get locked into them in marriage, it will get worse.
With a spouse that you feel secure with, the choice of children gets easier, either way.
It will work out either way, because you will have someone that will stand by you, for better or worse.
Oh lawd, here we go again.
I had to have Spouse come up behind me and slap the back of my head to make my eyes stop rolling
Mod cut: Personal attack. I was just waiting for someone to come along and explain why a childfree person should change their mind and have kids.
*snort*
D'ya ever think that it's not about money or insecure relationships, but that people don't have kids because they just plain don't want them; that they have absolutely ZERO interest in being a parent?
As a late middle-age childfree person, I understand the youngsters who try to engage and JADE (Justify Argue Defend Explain), I did myself, at that age. Young people tend to want to prove they are right about their CF decision/orientation. The one thing that is comforting about middle age is the sense of detachment and mild amusement that comes from reading these kinds of posts. If someone doesn't want to have kids, it is presumptuous for other people to try and tell them ... scratch that .... explain to them why their reasons are wrong. Do you think a CF or fence sitter is going to read your post and say "gosh, they're right!" then whistle to their mate and say "I've seen the error of our decision! time to make a baby!" and lead them off for a vigorous and fruitful bed spin?
It's Christmas Eve. Maybe you think of this as a Nativity post ... or something. If you are a parent, shouldn't you be off getting ready to do the family thing instead of getting on here and trying to convert the unconvertible?
Last edited by PJSaturn; 12-26-2011 at 10:09 AM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
