Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I wonder how old she is, because your only 24!!! People dont get married until late 20's these days. There is absolutely no hurry to get married. What does it really change anyway? I understand she wants to but I feel like if she was willing to wait for you, then she is the one.
I think following your dreams is very important so that you don't end up feeling bad about yourself. Being with someone special and someone you love is just as important...But I think, if you're not willing to sacrifice your dreams in a blink of an eye for this person (for whatever reasons) just to make a better life as a couple then perhaps this is not the One for you. No, seriously. People who truly love, they are ready and willing to do all kinds of silly things (e.g. giving up on their own dreams) for the person they're in love with. So if you don't feel like doing it now, you never will. So just follow your dreams. but thats only my opinion good luck!
I think following your dreams is very important so that you don't end up feeling bad about yourself. Being with someone special and someone you love is just as important...But I think, if you're not willing to sacrifice your dreams in a blink of an eye for this person (for whatever reasons) just to make a better life as a couple then perhaps this is not the One for you. No, seriously. People who truly love, they are ready and willing to do all kinds of silly things (e.g. giving up on their own dreams) for the person they're in love with. So if you don't feel like doing it now, you never will. So just follow your dreams. but thats only my opinion good luck!
In a committed relationship, it is important to be willing to compromise and give up things like dreams for the better of the relationship. On the other hand, both parties in the relationship must feel some freedom and ability to do the things they like, chase their dreams (within reason), and be themselves too.
If a couple are heading in the same direction in their lives, at roughly the same speed, with the same goals, they will be able to pursue their dreams and grow their relationship at the same time. That doesn't mean they have to share dreams either, just means their dreams and pursuits can be pursued simultaneously.
In a committed relationship, it is important to be willing to compromise and give up things like dreams for the better of the relationship. On the other hand, both parties in the relationship must feel some freedom and ability to do the things they like, chase their dreams (within reason), and be themselves too.
If a couple are heading in the same direction in their lives, at roughly the same speed, with the same goals, they will be able to pursue their dreams and grow their relationship at the same time. That doesn't mean they have to share dreams either, just means their dreams and pursuits can be pursued simultaneously.
sounds good but is this the case? doesn't seem so to me. Hence everything I wrote.
If you do marry her because of pressure you will just end up divorced, broke and resenting her for ruining your life....and if she gets pregnant..oh boy...then you're really in for it. Cut your losses now and move on..live life a little and don't even consider marriage till you're at least 40.
I think you've mapped out your two choices pretty clearly. You want two different things that are totally incompatible. Ultimately you'll have to make a decision, and face it, there are days you'll regret the decision you made, whatever it is, but that's just life. We all have to make decisions and sometimes you make sacrifices.
I'm 24 and have been dating the same girl since we were 18, on and off through college, and continuously for the last three years. We have great relationships with both our families and generally a pretty good life. We love each other, and truly value the time we spend together, but lately we have had some problems.
I live and work in the city and she lives and teaches about 50 miles away in the suburb where she grew up. She still lives with her parents, and really wants to get out of the house, so we discussed sharing an apartment. Well one thing led to another, several of her friends and relatives got engaged and married, and now she's ready to get married herself, buy a house, cars, and think about having kids.
I love my neighborhood, friends, and city life in general. I love having very few obligations, being able to move if and whenever I want, vacationing and seeing the world. I've been thinking about buying or investing in a small business and pursuing other potentially risky business ventures. While meeting with my financial advisor last week, he asked if I was planning to purchase a home and I told him "I don't think I want to, ever, but I'm sure my future wife will insist that we do." I would love to maybe try living in a foreign country for a few years, but I know my girlfriend would never go for it.
Anyway, given that background information, I feel like our respective dreams are completely orthogonal, and it's a terrible feeling. On one hand, I feel like my dreams and ambitions are empty and shallow, and that I'd be stupid to ruin a relationship with a great woman in pursuit of them. On the other, I feel like if I completely abandon the things that are important to me, I'm going to end up depressed in a suburban subdivision, driving 80 miles a day to and from work. I'd be stuck at my job, which pays well, but I don't at all feel passionate about what I do, and I'm always looking for a more fun or interesting opportunity. All the little idiosyncrasies that I've grown to love about life in the city would be gone. This scenario would make me miserable, and I feel like I would (probably unjustly) wind up resenting my girlfriend.
I do think that at one point that I would like to marry my girlfriend and have children, but I'm not ready now, and when I am, I don't think I'll want the lifestyle that my girlfriend does.
We've had some conversations about everything I just wrote, but they generally haven't went well. Admittedly, I'm pretty shy, and would only feel comfortable talking about any of this with a couple people. Can anyone who has been in a similar situation offer some insight or advice?
Wow.
You two seemed to have grown on each other but not in a good way.
I think you need to cool off for a year or two and see if there is any spark still there. Time will help you to understand if this is true love or just a comfortable couch you have known and grown accustomed to for years.
I have heard many stories of long time girl or boyfriends who eventually take that year off with no contact and realize they are not meant to be together. Then within a year they find somebody that just clicks with them and they get married within a year.
I hope you can figure out what you want to decide. Please don't give up your goals and dreams for someone. This will give you regrets and you will always have this, "If I would have been able to do this while I was single" as you change the diaper on the 3rd kid.
I hope you really are having those talks with her and telling her how you feel instead of mostly just being quietly conflicted. If there's going to be any compromise, talking (and being confident in your dreams) is the only way that's going to happen.
I hope you really are having those talks with her and telling her how you feel instead of mostly just being quietly conflicted.
Oh this is so true! i forgot to mention this as well: TALK, please talk these things over with her! Who knows maybe she would be able to sacrifice some things to be with you! Women are usually more flexible, especially when in love
Don't do it, your post is filled with buyer's remorse already.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
good luck!
