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I am glad you didn't "cave" and respond to this ridiculous post (below). And that is exactly the attitude you need to have with your ex. Don't go into details, just reiterate that your feelings have changed and the relationship is over. There is nothing she can do that will change your feelings, but you are glad she is doing some introspection and changing herself so that her future relationships will have a better chance of succeeding. I think if you can phrase it along those lines, just once more, she might get the message.
Do not be surprised if she stops her "program of change" and reverts back to the person she was that is the reason for the end of your relationship. You might want to reconsider remaining in contact with those friends who are supplicating on her behalf. With them, I'd be a little more blunt and simply say, that the relationship is over with her and it's none of their danged business.
Good luck. You might just have to block phone calls and other means of contact with her and her friends.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trackwatch
I guess you are unable to define "disrespectful" too.
Maybe she didn't cater to your every whim?
Maybe she didn't treat you like her master?
If you are unable to say what she needed to do to be "better" how could she ever achieve it?
She seems to have batter victim symptoms, of which willing to change whatever to please you.
Seems YOU were the problem in this relationship.
She is MUCH better without you and the sooner she forgets about you the better.
Quote:
Originally Posted by burgler09
LOL! Oddly enough, I thought it was her or one of her friends too!
Thanks everybody for the advice, I'm going to kind of try to use all of it. I will do my best! She has already been asking about 7 times today alone :S I feel horrible!
I guess you are unable to define "disrespectful" too.
Maybe she didn't cater to your every whim?
Maybe she didn't treat you like her master?
If you are unable to say what she needed to do to be "better" how could she ever achieve it?
She seems to have batter victim symptoms, of which willing to change whatever to please you.
Seems YOU were the problem in this relationship.
She is MUCH better without you and the sooner she forgets about you the better.
Wow! First, he was quite the gentleman in not relating her exact behavior and you take him to task for that?
As for specifying what it is she needs to do to be a better person, that is not for him to say and he so rightly recognizes it.
If your friend wishes to change herself, that is her perogative but the OP has made it clear that change on her part is not going to change his mind/feelings about the end of the relationship. If he did say that, "if she changes, I'll take her back", that would give you cause to question whether she was "batter" (I think the phrase you wanted to use is batterED victim). Nice way to deflect the issues. He, the OP, is not raising any issues with her: he is stating, clearly and unequivocally that the relationship is over regardless what she does with herself. What part of that is beyond your ken?
If you'd like, dictionary.com will explain some of the words and phrases I have used.
BURGLER, I agree with PENGUIN on page one. You said you didn't want to do this, but it's the best way and least harmful way to get someone out of your face: Tell her you're with someone else now. I think Penguin said it a little differently, but either way. This is known as a "white lie," and in my view, that is an okay thing to do, because you are trying to be nice to her, letting her down easy, so she can redirect her energy elsewhere. These things happen, but it needs to stop, which is why you came here. I remember I liked a fellow one time, just dated a few times, he was just so cool. Well, suddenly I didn't hear from him for a while, and when I called, he said those simple words, "I found someone else." I immediately understood and let it go completely.
Now, if your ex wants to get conversational, if she says in reply to how you found another girl, "Who is it?" then that's when you say, "I really have to get off the phone. Please let this thing go, I need my peace and quiet now." And then hang up right then and there. Then you could consider get an answering machine and don't answer any calls at all; only return calls for a while. That should do it.
Is there any way to cut off ties like this without it being too mean? I don't wanna lie and say I already have someone, nor do I want to just completely ignore her.. but if I don't ignore her, will that just be giving false hope in her eyes?
Burgler -
Can you not just tell her that you have chosen to move on and you wish her well? That gives her the kiss-off, but also does it kindly. After that you'd have to commit to not contacting her again.
I think that continuing contact will just lead her to believe you care enough to stick around....and there's hope.
Well I broke up with my girlfriend about a month ago now for the way she acted. I gave her a million chances, and when I broke up it was the final straw and there was just no room in my mind to get passed any of it anymore..
The problem is that she has really been going through efforts to change and be better; which makes it harder, not because i'm considering going back, but she wants to prove it to me so much how she has changed.. and it really just doesn't have any affect on my mind. I feel like she is so wrapped up in regret she just keeps trying harder and harder .. and it just gets a little bit annoying..
She was devastated when I broke things off, I was contacted by her friends and family saying she was depressed and not leaving her room.. which I felt bad, but hey, what can I do?
Is there any way to cut off ties like this without it being too mean? I don't wanna lie and say I already have someone, nor do I want to just completely ignore her.. but if I don't ignore her, will that just be giving false hope in her eyes?
The next time you are contacted, just say I don't mean to be rude but this issue is between me and "x". As it stands right now, I have no desire to reunite with her and have moved on with you life. That's all you're going to say on the subject, and you'd appreciate it if they stop contacting you. Then say your goodbyes.
Write a script and recite it if you have to.. that way there's no room for discussion.
I feel your pain. Right now, I'm you, and my ex-BF is her. We were only together 4 months, but he will not leave it alone. He, too, is disrespectful of my feelings and just has a crappy attitude in general, and we have NOTHING in common. Zero. Zilch. Nada. But he keeps texting me, saying things like, "Maybe we're wrong!" When I say, "We're not right for each other." We broke up over 2 weeks ago, and he just won't stop trying to convince me that "maybe he could do better". I've told him that we're not getting back together, and it doesn't seem to matter to him.
If you can figure out a way to get her off your back without being a jerk, let me know!
I feel your pain. Right now, I'm you, and my ex-BF is her. We were only together 4 months, but he will not leave it alone. He, too, is disrespectful of my feelings and just has a crappy attitude in general, and we have NOTHING in common. Zero. Zilch. Nada. But he keeps texting me, saying things like, "Maybe we're wrong!" When I say, "We're not right for each other." We broke up over 2 weeks ago, and he just won't stop trying to convince me that "maybe he could do better". I've told him that we're not getting back together, and it doesn't seem to matter to him.
If you can figure out a way to get her off your back without being a jerk, let me know!
I'm not sure if anyone has seen the episode of Seinfeld where George tries to break up with his girlfriend and she just says "no, you're not breaking up with me".
Just a question, did you just decide to comment on my thread without even reading the original post? Your questions have absolutely nothing to do with my question. What would it accomplish if I told you the entire back story to my relationship? It wouldn't get you or me anywhere.
You asked a question with NO information, you said she is disrespectful but didn't say what that is, you said she tried to improve, what does that mean?
You take her as she is or find someone that will change to fit your standards.
I stand by my statement, she is MUCH better off the sooner she forgets about you.
Tell her you have found your true love and you love HIM.
Well I broke up with my girlfriend about a month ago now for the way she acted. I gave her a million chances, and when I broke up it was the final straw and there was just no room in my mind to get passed any of it anymore..
The problem is that she has really been going through efforts to change and be better; which makes it harder, not because i'm considering going back, but she wants to prove it to me so much how she has changed.. and it really just doesn't have any affect on my mind. I feel like she is so wrapped up in regret she just keeps trying harder and harder .. and it just gets a little bit annoying..
She was devastated when I broke things off, I was contacted by her friends and family saying she was depressed and not leaving her room.. which I felt bad, but hey, what can I do?
Is there any way to cut off ties like this without it being too mean? I don't wanna lie and say I already have someone, nor do I want to just completely ignore her.. but if I don't ignore her, will that just be giving false hope in her eyes?
While I am completely sympathetic to your girl for how "depressed" she is feeling over you taking a stand and breaking things off, feeling "devastated" when someone breaks up with you is pretty standard stuff.
Hopefully, her family and friends will help her along as she learns to cope (something ALL adults must eventually figure out how to do).
Just know, you can't help her now without hurting her more, and it is not your place to help her through this anyway.
So don't be mean and tell her things just to get rid of her (like there is someone else), and don't completely blow her off like you don't care at all when you do.
Just let her know that right now the best thing for both of you is some distance between you.
Tell her while you appreciate all her recent efforts to change and improve things, the reality is, real change takes time and lots of practice. Until she's done that (practiced the positive changes over a long time), all her "change" is just talk and we all know talk is cheap
Encourage her to continue working on herself so that even though it's too late for the two of you, she will have a better outcome with her next relationship.
Assure her that you hope to be friends again one day soon but STAND FIRM that you need to be out of the picture for the foreseeable future and that this thing is over.
Best of luck, I know this is hard.
Last edited by lovesMountains; 12-28-2011 at 11:58 PM..
Reason: spelling!
There is always two sides to a story...4 or 5 in my family. I'm not going to debate anything but your mind in made up. So you two need to go your separate ways.
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