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How do YOU know what your wife is talking to other men about? How exactly do YOU know she's crossing the lines? HAVE I talked to other men about sexual issues? Yes, I have. Do I got into detail with them? No! Of course not, I don't generally go into detail about sex with my hubby after 30 years, either! Have I vented about something my hubby and I are bickering about, to my male friends? Heck yeah I have!! Am I looking for someone to replace him? Am I looking to get them mad at him? NO! Not at all! I'm venting and looking for understanding and solutions! The biggest share of my male friends KNOW my husband. They are also men who know how men think and why they generally do what they do. They are the same gender and as such, do not THINK the same way that women think (usually).
It seems more to me like you're IMAGINING a whole lot of things! You said your wife, after you pressing her, says that you're arrogant and sarcastic. It sounds like you're awfully sensitive to criticism as well. TEBM, do you really think your wife wants to come rushing home to talk to someone who is arrogant and sarcastic? IF your wife is looking for comfort, she's darn sure not getting it from YOU! You're sarcastic and arrogant! YOUR WORDS!
Like I said before, you're laying it out there! Read your own words. LOL You have diminished your role as her partner and source of comfort. She has obviously become so accustomed to your sarcasm and arrogant attitude that she's not going to set herself up for more of it. If I have something to share with my husband, or need his comfort or support, but KNOW from experience, that he's going to blow me off, be arrogant or sarcastic about it, I'm NOT going to talk to him. I'm going to find someone who'll simply LISTEN to me, without some smart ass attitude or comments!
There is a time and a place for everything. Take your wife and your marriage....your partnership, more seriously. How many times does your wife have to tell you that she finds you arrogant and sarcastic, before it actually sinks in and you learn how to communicate on a different level?
You're talking to another woman. You're talking about your wife to MANY other women here! Helloooo? Why is it that if your wife talks about you and your marital problems to other men, it's considered "crossing the line" or an emotional affair? You, however, come onto CD and discuss your wife and your marital problems with other women. Hmmm but you're just "venting", "looking for solutions", etc....right? You seem to have a healthy set of double standards there. You just might want to work on that. I mean, unless of course, you're simply looking for someone to feel sorry for you and replace your wife.
Huh? Why are you dragging me into this other persons posts? I gave an example of something my wife and I went through years ago, as illustration of what I felt was an emotional affair, to give an example of something the OP may be experiencing as well.
You don't seem to understand that it's not seeking advice from other men - but rather developing an intense relationship to one particular person, that progresses over time and to the detriment of other relationships. And I'm definitely not imaging it, since I had the chatlogs, left open IM's, plus I lived through the experiences.
I'm also puzzled why you keep comparing your situation to mine - you and I where never married - what you do/didn't do has no bearing on what occurred in my marriage. And I've never met you, so how you can comment on my personality is...questionable.
Also I don't see any similarity between anonymously posting to strangers for situational opinions - vs developing a multiyear relationship to a single male who you admit has a crush on you, and constantly "jokes" about inviting you over to his apartment to have sex with you (which you make excuses for).
So..I don't know, your post is weird. I just hope you understand the difference of men vs man and that what occurs in your relationship has no bearing on mine.
Just finished reading this thread.
I feel like the OP has been subject to a lot of projection, unnecessary criticism plus simplistic, polyanna recommendations. Just my opinion.
OP, take most of what you read on CD with a grain of salt. Also know that when you come on here, you need a mega thick skin to survive.
Hope your marriage issues work out
Just finished reading this thread.
I feel like the OP has been subject to a lot of projection, unnecessary criticism plus simplistic, polyanna recommendations. Just my opinion.
OP, take most of what you read on CD with a grain of salt. Also know that when you come on here, you need a mega thick skin to survive.
Hope your marriage issues work out
Thank you Peacelillies. I didn't want the thread to be about me defending myself, but I think the projections and incorrect ones at that caused me to spend most of my energy re-explaining and elaborating.
I do have a thick skin and take all advice with a filter. I had my wife read the entire thread as I thought it might give her some additional insight. We were able to talk about it, and gain some additional perspective.
I want to thank everyone that posted helpful, non condescending advice. And thanks to those that commented on what I wrote, not their extrapolations of my relationship based the little information given.
O.K. when I say criticizing her friends I mean that I might poke fun at them. Everyone has their quirks. She has poked fun at my friends too. Or I might disagree with something her friends say and she defends them over me every time, even if it seems like she would generally stand on my side of the argument. It's not like I criticize them as people. They are very nice and I tell her that frequently. I also think that her constant defending of them, when it's not really necessary has contributed to me resenting them some.
Shouldn't she be more satisfied with the me that I am?
Probably. And you know what that is gonna get you? Nothing.
How has telling her that helped so far? Has it made anything better?
Quote:
I've put a lot of things into this post that may have portrayed me in a negative light.
You don't show negatively to me. But what you are doing to solve the problem is not working and is not going to work. When you say you don't appreciate me, she is hearing WAH WAH WAH. What she is not hearing is I am your hunko chunko burning man. Once you are back to being her hunk oh chunk oh burning man, you can probably say hey you don't appreciate me. But I will bet you won't have to.
I don't think that loving someone means making them happy. An example would be that my wife knows I love to golf. In the past she would encourage me to golf because she knew it made me happy. Now she doesn't seem to really even consider whether I'm happy. After moving to a strange place for her I would have thought she should have made an extra effort to consider m happiness. Instead it has seemed like the opposite.
One question to which I don't know the answer. But you MUST. Does she feel that you consider her happiness? Does she feel you make the extra effort to make you happy?
Nice post and interesting site, started reading some of the posts there.
Would rep you if I could.
Find Conrad in the men's lounge. Tell him that I sent you though I am not 100% certain that I had the same handle there. The mods there are SUPER sensitive and let their feelings interfere with their moderating. So watch your manners. You can get booted from there with no warning. For a mod misunderstanding you. (Ask me how I know.) But there is a LOT of good advice (and keep your head about you because there is plenty of crap as well).
But there is more on how to fix broken relationships than here. Here seems to be largely about how to get ****.
Umm you're responding to another responder here not the OP.
Okay.....well then, hittin' two birds with one stone then! Sorry OP....you're right, I was responding to another poster, and got your "arrogance and sarcasm" mixed up. MY bad! LOL
Huh? Why are you dragging me into this other persons posts? I gave an example of something my wife and I went through years ago, as illustration of what I felt was an emotional affair, to give an example of something the OP may be experiencing as well.
You don't seem to understand that it's not seeking advice from other men - but rather developing an intense relationship to one particular person, that progresses over time and to the detriment of other relationships. And I'm definitely not imaging it, since I had the chatlogs, left open IM's, plus I lived through the experiences.
I'm also puzzled why you keep comparing your situation to mine - you and I where never married - what you do/didn't do has no bearing on what occurred in my marriage. And I've never met you, so how you can comment on my personality is...questionable.
Also I don't see any similarity between anonymously posting to strangers for situational opinions - vs developing a multiyear relationship to a single male who you admit has a crush on you, and constantly "jokes" about inviting you over to his apartment to have sex with you (which you make excuses for).
So..I don't know, your post is weird. I just hope you understand the difference of men vs man and that what occurs in your relationship has no bearing on mine.
Also that I'm not the OP!
Sorry OP!!!!
Sorry, I got to responding to yours, and having read your post about the Christmas Snub, threw in some stuff about your issues.
No...the sarcasm & arrogance was for the OP. My bad.
Sorry, I got to responding to yours, and having read your post about the Christmas Snub, threw in some stuff about your issues.
No...the sarcasm & arrogance was for the OP. My bad.
LOL no problem.
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Sorry OP....you're right, I was responding to another poster, and got your "arrogance and sarcasm" mixed up. MY bad! LOL
