relationships / apartment sharing in NYC (dating, boyfriend, married, woman)

[cutequeenslady]

long post, but I wanted to give you all the info: My fiance has asked me to move into his smaller, less expensive apartment in a few months when my lease is up so we can save up and get a nice place together once his lease is up in another year.

I am hesitant to tell my landlord that I will not be renewing my lease because my fiancé’s 31-year old goddaughter has been staying with him for the past 2.5 years and my fiance told his goddaughter she has to move out so that I can move in. In the past 6+ months, his goddaughter has been spending most of her time at her boyfriend's apartment but the boyfriend cannot officially move her in because of his own rental agreement. She has not had a full-time job in 3 years. While I am uncomfortable being the reason that someone is being pushed out of a place to live, my fiancé feels that he has already helped his goddaughter more than enough and that it is time for her to move. He gave her a few months' notice and she said she was fine with it. His goddaughter feels she is close to getting a job (has been called back for follow-up interviews and physical) and my fiancé said that she can stay there sometimes until it is time for me to move in, provided she gives him money toward the household. I think this is a horrible idea and that if he starts accepting money it can be construed as some sort of a roommate agreement or family arrangement. He said he just wants to recoup some of the money he has laid out for room and board over the past few years while she contributed nothing to the household. My fiancé feels she doesn’t technically live there because she doesn’t receive any bills there and her name is not on his lease. I feel that she does live there because most of her belongings are at his apartment, she has a key to the building and an apartment key, does her laundry in the building, and is there 1-2 days/nights a week. Moreover, she does receive all her mail there; the only reason she doesn’t receive bills is that she doesn’t actually have any.
My thinking is that I will be giving up my apartment only to be heading into an unsure situation that can turn ugly if his goddaughter cannot move because she didn’t have an opportunity to save any money to start renting her own room or apartment. She came there originally on a temporary basis and it has been almost 3 years.

I know my fiancé feels his goddaughter owes him, but I think it is best to just cut his losses. We should try to help her get established so he’s not kicking her out in the cold. When the goddaughter and I were still speaking to each other, I offered many suggestions of places to apply for jobs, including live-in home health aide work. It seems the young lady has burned a lot of bridges and my fiance thought she deserved another chance.

What do you all think? BTW, there is no chance of the 3 of us sharing this apartment. It is too small and the goddaughter can't stand me.

[Currency Pair Crocodile]

Originally Posted by cutequeenslady

???

I am suggesting not to move in with the fiance. Three people can't live together, let alone two, unless it's a bigger house with several rooms.

You should renew your lease and not give up on freedom.

[Djuna]

Until his goddaughter physically moves her useless butt out, don't move in or give up your lease.

Your boyfriend needs to tidy up some of his affairs before moving on with you.

[Percentage]

Moderator cut: deleted quote

Anyway, I digress... your main question is about whether or not you should move in with the fiancee and the answer remains HELL NO til the god daughter is completely gone. Like Djuna indicated, he should sort his situation before adding a new one *YOU* to the picture!

[cutequeenslady]

Originally Posted by Djuna

Until his goddaughter physically moves her useless butt out, don't move in or give up your lease.

Your boyfriend needs to tidy up some of his affairs before moving on with you.

Very true and I like the way you phrased it.

I need to clean it up a bit when I explain to him because there has been a lot of tension between the goddaughter and me. Even though he gets angry at her sometimes, he acts like she is a kid and enables her irresponsible behavior.

[cutequeenslady]

Originally Posted by Percentage

Anyway, I digress... your main question is about whether or not you should move in with the fiancee and the answer remains HELL NO til the god daughter is completely gone. Like Djuna indicated, he should sort his situation before adding a new one *YOU* to the picture!

Thank you for the sound advice. I really feel strange telling someone to get out so I can move in. I think it is inappropriate and ridiculous for her to be there, but I don't want to be the reason she is being asked to leave. I don't like that he told her that he wants me to move in. I think if he feels her time is up, he should have just told her that.

[Percentage]

Originally Posted by cutequeenslady

Thank you for the sound advice. I really feel strange telling someone to get out so I can move in. I think it is inappropriate and ridiculous for her to be there, but I don't want to be the reason she is being asked to leave. I don't like that he told her that he wants me to move in. I think if he feels her time is up, he should have just told her that.

Yes, I agree with you that he should have been more tactful in his delivery. But think about his frustration for a second...3 plus years of putting up with this so called free loading "god daughter" not not daughter or sister but a "god daughter" ..yeah he had to do what he had to do. The bottomline here is that you guys plan to build a life together and the sooner the free loader, i mean "god daughter" finds a place of her own...the better for your situation.. All the best

[cutequeenslady]

I recently started a thread about moving in with my fiance in a few months but feeling hesitant because his 31-year old goddaughter is currently living there and has to move out before I move in.

My fiance's 31-year old goddaughter has been staying with him in his studio apartment for over 2 years. Am I the only one who finds their living situation strange? I understand this is NYC and people do what they have to do, but I still think it's weird. My fiance's studio apartment is a decent size with a separate kitchen, but the layout does not allow his bed to be sectioned off so there isn't much privacy. His goddaughter sleeps on the loveseat, which reclines but does not open out to a bed. When I first started dating him, he said she sometimes stays there because she didn't have a place to go (one long, sad story after the other) and he works at night so I tried not to be judgmental. But when I went to visit him it looks like a woman lives there - not like someone who just stays from time to time. The goddaughter has the closets, they share a dresser top, she has all her private feminine products out in the open in the bathroom (instead of tucked away in a neat little basket), she has tons of clothes and shoes for someone who doesn't work. Nowadays, she spends most of her time at her boyfriend's house and is only at my fiance's place 1-2 days a week but the boyfriend cannot move her into his apartment because of his rental agreement and is reluctant to do so because she is still legally married (though separated for years) and has no job.

My fiance has given his goddaughter a deadline by which she has to leave, but I cannot believe they have lived like this for almost 3 years.

[ChiGuy2.5]

Originally Posted by cutequeenslady

I recently started a thread about moving in with my fiance in a few months but feeling hesitant because his 31-year old goddaughter is currently living there and has to move out before I move in.

My fiance's 31-year old goddaughter has been staying with him in his studio apartment for over 2 years. Am I the only one who finds their living situation strange? I understand this is NYC and people do what they have to do, but I still think it's weird. My fiance's studio apartment is a decent size with a separate kitchen, but the layout does not allow his bed to be sectioned off so there isn't much privacy. His goddaughter sleeps on the loveseat, which reclines but does not open out to a bed. When I first started dating him, he said she sometimes stays there because she didn't have a place to go (one long, sad story after the other) and he works at night so I tried not to be judgmental. But when I went to visit him it looks like a woman lives there - not like someone who just stays from time to time. The goddaughter has the closets, they share a dresser top, she has all her private feminine products out in the open in the bathroom (instead of tucked away in a neat little basket), she has tons of clothes and shoes for someone who doesn't work. Nowadays, she spends most of her time at her boyfriend's house and is only at my fiance's place 1-2 days a week but the boyfriend cannot move her into his apartment because of his rental agreement and is reluctant to do so because she is still legally married (though separated for years) and has no job.

My fiance has given his goddaughter a deadline by which she has to leave, but I cannot believe they have lived like this for almost 3 years.

I am starting to wonder if this is some elaborate scheme to cover up their relationship? Do you think this could even remotely be the case?

If not, then it most certainly is a strange situation. Is the god daughter of similar age to your fiancee? What is the age gap? Have you confirmed 100% that this is his goddaughter? Maybe shes a sugar baby and now that he found you he wants her out?

[Cantabridgienne]

This is your fiance who lives in the same city as you but you "visit" him? How well do you actually know him?