A new day has dawned. I am free! (bars, date, how to)

[Pikantari]

I called the courthouse first thing this morning. His lawyer pulled the strings, she could not be at the hearing, so it was moved to 121907.

I asked the girl if they can just keep doing this, she said each party can have it moved one time.

Now, there is the issue of the child custody hearing, on nov 19, which are actually 2 cases, separate, A and L.

He can just as easily have those moved, or she can, because it is not a good date for her.

I can have them expedited. I have not been able to reach my lawyer yet, and he is at lunch right now. Normally this would be my half day. but both kalo and I have to work it a full day to make up for the day we will miss after Thanksgiving.

I will call him in about 45 minutes. He does not have ibs lawyers name or number, and I gave it to him once, thats ok, because I have it written down sitting right here in front of me.

I asked if they could just move around the custody date, and they told me they try not to have them do that. We will have to meet with a social worker and come to agreements, be assigned to go to parenting classes, etc.

This was moved by him, by his lawyer, not by the courts. That was confirmed by a young lady named AMANDA.

He will not speak to me, which I dont mind, but I do feelhe will try to get the kids from my house, so I will have to get my lawyer to call his lawyer and tell him no way. We will have to work out a meeting spot through them, or I guess he cant see them, I dont know.

Yes, it made me physically ill. I wanted to vomit. I am married to this person. I have been with hi for more than 16 years now. How does this happen? Today, here at work, I had become upset. Downstairs, picking up my meds, my pharmacist asked me how things arew going, and what did I do, I shook my head, not good, and tears fell from my eyes.

No one ever said life was easy. Why does it have to be like this? Have to go and eat lunch...

[I love the Bears]

I'm so sorry - so incredibly sorry. I wish - we all wish - we could help you.
But you are not alone.

[Synopsis]

I'm sorry to hear that you're in pain Robyn. I wish that I could wave a magic wand and make it all go away, but we all know that can't happen. Stay true to yourself, you are going to be fine. I know everything is pretty much coming to a head right now, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. At one point in the future, this will be a distant memory. And ask yourself this, would you rather be back in the house of chains married to that thug? I don't think so. Stay strong.

[Macrina]

Thinking of you so much today, Robyn, and with such respect & love...

Remember to breathe! Deep cleansing breaths; you know how to do it, but it's easy to forget when the levels of stress are high, as in right now.

We all support you totally ~ you know that Please keep on talkin' to your lawyer. Since you are documenting the verbal abuse, etc. are you giving copies of these events to your lawyer every couple of days? It'd be great if the office has email; you could just fire off updates as they happen. Just a thought.

Continuing with prayers & lighting candles on your behalf.

Will be looking to see what the lawyer says when you speak with him again....

[sun]

I personally think that there is very little proof that the kid's behavior is linked to child abuse. Even if there was a history of emotional problems by the school social workers due to either of them having behavioral issues in school, it always difficult to pinpoint an exact cause.
Many children have sensory integration issues which can affect their behavior and which they are born with or develop at the youngest ages. Here in CT, we have a birth to three program where every child can be evaluated at little or no cost depending on income, for develpmental issues. Then programs are identified to help the child, including special education pre-school to help deal with the children's socialization & educational progress.
You've mentioned that Alexander did previously have some behavioral problems in school which may have been documented with the school social worker. If these are viewed as organic related problems, then it's difficult to prove that Jim caused them, even though he may have contributed to them.
Alexander is also undergoing a lot of rapid physical and emotional growth changes in his life just because of his age, and Lindsey too probably. Alexander's clumsiness can be because of his rapid physical growth and height, and his emotional instability can be seen as a result of his tender age and hormonal changes coming on with puberty. So whether or not he has organic behavioral issues that are being greatly affected by the separation, or he's a victim of emotional abuse is really hard to prove.
The bottom line is that none of this may really matter in court unless there is some kind of documentaion or written record of severe emotional abuse at home. No parents are perfect, but when behavior issues do arise they need to seek help from whatever professionals that they can afford. There are social workers at school that you can seek help from who have loads of experience dealing with teen emotional issues. That way whatever record that may already exist can be updated and school counselors can continue to track them and do follow up.
Maybe they can provide referrals to local agencies that offer counseling on a no fee or low fee sliding scale, like United Way service providers or such. They can possibly help to identify problems before they get any worse, and to monitor Alexander's emotional development at this crucial age and period of change & instability.
It seems like they are both doing relatively fine considering the new living arangements. Asking their teachers during parent/teacher conferences should help you to learn if either of them are having behavioral/emotional outbursts in school. Have you had any conferences yet or inquired about any of these sorts of issues?
I also wonder if counseling for either of the kids is covered by medical insurance?
I'm only asking this in the event that you really think that there are obvious issues that need professional attention. I'm not so sure that this isn't just a phase that most kids go through whenever there's social upheaval in the household due to separation, and which may be compounded by previous generalized problems of a "non-specific origin". If you think that there are significant problems and don't bring them to someone's attention, then it makes it that much harder to make credible allegations of emotional abuse in court.
I don't know what you should do about it because I'm not sure how significant the problems really are. But the schools may be a place to start asking about counseling or routine intervention. Maybe then someone will follow up with both of them once a week or two just to keep tabs on their academic progress and emotional well being, and you'll be informed if any behavioral outbursts occur. The social workers are on the school payroll, so why not ask to involve them and let them do their job in the most basic way of keeping tabs on the kid's emotional status.

Cinderobyn, I wrote this before you're last posting. Maybe the courts will now mandate some kind of intervention anyway, but the schools are still where the kids spend majority of their day and is much like an extended family. The school professionals are usually very caring and helpful.
I can't say that any of these latest moves by his lawyer surprises me. It's often said that the best defense is a good offense, and his lawyer may be planning on being very offensive. You may need your lawyer to come to your aid now more than ever to be more offensive too.

[I love the Bears]

Sun - have you read Robyn's other thread - where is the love? What she describes there is emotional abuse. I am very familiar with family court and if she describes the past behavior as well as the current behavior - the judge will take notice.
I understand where you are coming from - in that in divorce/custody people throw accusations around way too freely - that is not the case here. If anything I think that Robyn has underestimated the effect of the fear and control that A & L's father used to control them.
that is why he is freaking out now - he can't control them anymore.......

[pirate girl]

Robyn has referred to TJ threatening to shoot her cats. He once tripped A in a grocery store so he fell. He also tried to have Robyn committed to a mental hospital because she wanted to visit her family. He is barbaric and abusive. There is no way around that.

[aiangel_writer]

He did shoot the cats! Robyn, dear, I am so sorry for this latest round with tj, and wish I could come up there myself and knock the living daylights outta him!

I know you have kept your attorney low profile because of the cost, but now is a good time to really focus on him and go on the offense, by doing this, you take away any ammunition he might throw out at you and basically take the stuffing outta the turkey! He will be left wondering what happened. He is not accustomed to you being on the offensive side of things and this will throw him off balance. This will also cause him to act out in anger, so it might be wise to have monitored visits with the children if he is to see them.

Now, one hard question. Do you think your attorney has enough experience to go up against his attorney? I know that is a hard thing to think of, but you have to think of it for the children's sake as well as your own. Is your attorney doing everything possible to help you keep custody of the children and what can he do to keep tj from harrassing you?

I would think that from here on out, the gloves are off as far as he is concerned. He is not used to being defeated, and by a mere woman at that. He is used to the control and fear he used to keep you in line. You have changed the rules on him, and this will make him more aggressive. His rage is probably building and it will come to a head, and you do not want you or the children to be in his path when it does.

So, my dear friend, I am saying, be careful, be very careful from here on out. Men who are bullies do not think like rational men, and will lash out because they are used to being in total control. I pray he does not do this, become very aggressive, but with his tendencies, it could happen.

Know that I speak out of concern and worry, not to upset you or give you more stress. But, you do need to be aware of the change that has taken place recently. The change of how he is handling this separation and upcoming divorce.

In his mind, he can reason that he gave you chances to come back to him, he repeatedly asked you to come back to him, and by saying no, in his mind, you have given him no choice but to force the issue. Right now, he is doing it via lawyers probably from advice from his mother, but in his anger, he could take it upon himself to come at you himself. This is what scares me the most. THis is what you need to be most careful of.

blessings to you my friend, stay alert....aiangel

[sun]

I've read every post, and realize that the judge is a women which should be helpful to Cinderobyn. But the judge hasn't read any posts here and Cinderobyn's lawyer probably hasn't made any allegations concerning the children's emotional abuse at all.
We are all Cinderobyn's friends and advocates, but we all need to remember that the judge isn't and is completely in the dark about any and all of this emotional abuse. That's why I think that her lawyer may need to become more offensive through court filings in the future too if necessary.
I think that we all realize that his lawyer is a heavy hitter, and I'm concerned about Cinderobyn's level of legal representation too. Sometimes lawyers just don't work as hard if they aren't getting much pay.
We can count on their side to try to begin twisting people's arms in any and every way possible.
I just don't think that Cinderobyn should wait until it's too late to seek any kind of intervention if she really thinks that there may be ongoing behavioral issues due to the kid's having been emotionally abused.
Allegations are one thing, and trying to seek the most basic form of follow up about it are another.
If there's a bona fide concern, then at least contact the school social workers and try to set up some monitoring and follow up sessions in school.
It's very simple and basic.

[I love the Bears]

How do you know the Judge is a woman?