A new day has dawned. I am free! (date, how to, marriage)
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It may be time to discuss a restraining order with your attorney.
Sounds like a good idea HIF. No contact unless through the attorneys. Set temporary visitation, until it can be all resolved. Sounds like he's doing anything and everything to ruffle feathers right now.
It may be time to discuss a restraining order with your attorney.
HIF has a point. Regardless if there is no substantial physical evidence, this guy is unstable and unreliable. If he's going to start showing up at your house and taking the kids without your permission you need to go the legal route.
He's pushing the envelope and maybe the only way it can be curbed is through legal means.
Hang in there Robyn. We all care about you very much.
Robyn - I may be waaaay off base here, but reading what he said to you last night is most likely what he has told his lawyer - "He said he has been the mother and the father to the kids for all of their lives. I said to him that he has not, that the kids would never say that i was not their mother...oh brother, so he starts in on, oh what, are you trying to say i am not a father?" As well as the bit about your migraines - he does not see or does not WANT to see that a lot of your health problems lessened/went away when you made your decision and left. He is still seeing you as you were, not as you ARE. Big difference.
I'm sure his lawyer does not know about the life you and the kids had while you were living with him. He doesn't realize you have been documenting things, that you have doctor statements about how much better your health is, etc. They are both going to be blind-sided when you do get to court - please, have your lawyer with you so he can do the talking and take some of the stress off you.
When I was going through my divorce from my first husband, we had the custody and support issues and I remember being so nervous and upset I was pretty much living on Maalox or Mylanta, my stomach was in such knots.
TJ is still using his old tactics - you see them now that you have been away from him - you saw them while you were with him, but they didn't "register" - you said you don't know him - yes, you do. He's the same as he always was, the difference is you see it now.
As others have said, if you let him into your home/driveway space, that is going to set a precedent, so keep telling him no - if he does show up, call the police - he's a tresspasser, plain and simple.
My personal feeling is that TJ is spiraling out of control, mostly because he sees he cannot intimidate you as he once did. He knew how to "handle" the old Robyn - he has no idea what to do with this Robyn. He's becoming a "wild card" right now - he keeps saying you will reap what you sow - well, there's another saying - Give someone enough rope and they'll hang themselves - he's got the rope and with his nonsense he's hanging himself.
It's time to stop talking to him, period. He's creating the tension and turmoil in your life that he created when you were living with him. You don't need that, the kids don't need that. You really do have to stop talking to him and let the lawyers talk to each other. As someone said, the custody/visitation could have been taken care of today, but his lawyer put it off, so he should stop b*tching....
I know you hurt right now, physically and emotionally. I also know that you have the strength and the resolve to get through all this. Focus on the positives in your life now - you have a wonderful HOME filled with LOVE between you, A and L. Don't talk to TJ directly again, have his lawyer talk to your lawyer - Ask your lawyer if you have grounds for a restraining order of some sort - he's harrassing you at home, he's harrassing you at work, ask the lawyer what your legal options are and follow through with them.
Don't get involved in any "verbal battles" with him - that fuels his fire.
I empathsize with you Robyn, I know how much it hurts, it will get better, but before it does, he's going to get worse, which is why I suggested talking to your lawyer about being at court with you, what you should do in the interim and ask about a restraining order. Hopefully your lawyer will tell you what you can and cannot do - what ever you can do, do it, even if it goes against your grain.
As always, we are here for you to vent....Even if you don't see it, I think it's safe to say we all see how far you've come - be proud of who you are, take comfort and strength in that - your kids love you and care about you - draw on that and the "collective strength" of those here on the forum who are thinking of you, praying for you and pulling for you and sending "positive vibes" your way.........
I have to agree. An injunction keeping him from your property would be prudent right now. Parental kidnapping is a hot button and you would most likely get this quickly.
Although since you know two officers, maybe them sitting in front of your house on Friday afternoon would serve as a deterrent-
I sit here ready to leave out the door, just in an upset.
I cannot regress to this way, but he is doing it, I am allowing it, and the kids are seeing it. Poor L, trying to console me, Poor A, becoming ill over my responses to his father.
Just like when they talk to him, with their responses, I can tell what he is saying, I am quite sure that with my responses last night, A could tell what his father was saying to me.
Today I will have to toughen up, and be the person I have come to be, the person he does not know.
The other day the lawyer was telling me to go the child protective services route, I really dont want to do that, I do not have any evidence of anything right now, and A will not say anything against him...whenever he does, he tries to make it fly into is mouth quicker than it came out.
I was supposed to be off for a half day today for court but since it was changed I told them I would work, I will have to let them know, I cannot, in spite of everything.
He left a long message on my machine last night. Doesn't normally allow that much time. A very demanding tone, disrespectful. I have to get into the lawyers office, and ask that he be behind me, or if he can refer me out.
Please all, I know you always are, be with me today...
Robyn - It wouldn't hurt to at least TALK to the CPS people - do it.
Did you keep the message he left last night? If you haven't deleted it, keep it - play it for the lawyer, maybe it can be used to get a restraining order or at least maybe it can be played in court, whatever - it's "proof" of his tactics....and frankly only an idiot would leave any kind of "inflammatory" message on a machine!
As you said, it's time to be the tough Robyn now - I'm sure we're all sending you as much strength as we can over the "airways" - Feel it and draw on it to help you...........
Does your lawyer specialize in divorce and family law if not you may want to explore getting one that does. You need one that will stand up for you thats what your paying him for.
I have never gone through this but I would think the lawyers should be in communication with each other. As in your lawyer saying to his "IB better back off or we are going to look into a restraining order. I agree with others that his lawyer has no idea of the true picture. She just has what IB has told her.
Also I agree stop talking to him don't let him bait you
To bad there isn't a "magic button" so that when he starts you could transfer the call to one of us. Could you imagine we would set him straight.
Just the mental image of his face after "chatting" with us is priceless.
Remember to imagine us all standing behind you when things get rough we are a wall of support that can't be broken through
Call the police Robyn and tell them that he is harrassing you via telephone. It may sound silly and dramatic - but it will be on record that you had to call them and that is one more thing to use against him. Also - it may be the "proof" you need later. Please don't worry about proof really - very often there isn't any visible proof and the people that need to deal with it know how to read kids - I'm sure their body language speaks louder than the words they try to hold in.
One step forward - two steps back. Don't beat yourself up over it - it's okay!!! You are not superwoman - not really - you're a normal, healthy person who has a lot on her plate! It's okay to stumble - it doesn't make you weak. You are an SBW because you get up and wipe the tears away and keep going. that is what your children will see - that even though something hurts you don't give up or give in.
They are incredible and that is because of you - THEY are reaping what you have sown - love and kindness!!!!!!
Kalo - that is awesome that they can get off the bus at your house!!!!! I'm sure the kids would prefer that and it would really take some heat off of them!
Please call the police and report his harrassment - it is just that.
Take care - we're all here for you!
Location: Boonies of Georgia ~~~~ nuttier than a squirrel turd !
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Oh but I believe you do have something that CPS would be interested in.
The sleeping arrangements are not acceptable in their eyes.
A BIG RED FLAG HERE IN GA.
I don't post often, but I read daily.
I am here , I got your back.
Stay strong !
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