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How much would you sacrifice for your spouse (I'm talking more husband wife as opposed to GF BF) in the name of a career. Here's my "dilemma" if you will currently. My husband decided to be a cop 4 years ago, so we packed up moved to New Hampshire. He went to the police academy leaving 3 months ahead of me because he had to live on base. At that time I moved up alone 3 hours from him in a town I didn't know anyone and at the time without a car.
He graduated and became a cop. After 11 months he decided not to be anymore. We moved back to Fla. where he went back to his job as a 911 dispatcher. He then wanted to be a cop again then didn't going through this whole fiasco of trying to get put into the spot. In the end he decided he wanted his BA in Accounting. So he's now in school for that (just started in Aug.) ... During this time I went to culinary school graduating with a degree in Culinary Arts.
We have a two year old and he works very odd shifts (Sun-Wed) 330am-6pm and Wed he works 330am-11am. I was recently contacted by the Ritz with an opportunity to be a chef. I've been waiting for this position to open for a long time and was so excited to finally be able to get the application in (back in Oct). They took one look at my availibility around my husbands schedule and told me they'd hire me but because of his schedule they can't. I cannot get daycare coverage at 330 in the am the chef shift is from 11pm-7am....
I feel like the past 4 years I've sacrificed my career , my life for his "passions" and until he finishes school this will be his shift (I've been turned down twice over because of his working ours making my availibility limited to having to have Mon and tues off). I've stayed at home with my daughter the past two years because he didn't want her in daycare and he's only willing to put her in PT for a job offer for me.
Am I being unreasonable for being so angry about this? Is it my place as his spouse to sacrifice this much for him to excel at his career and simply start mine when his is established?
It depends on who is the main breadwinner and/or has the capacity to earn the most money, as to who has the most say in things.
It may be that you have to sacrifice your job advancement at this stage and then when he's working you can start working on your career again.
Childcare is always the difficult part, especially when you don't have regular hours.
I know this isn't much help, sorry you're in this position.
He's currently the breadwinner because he requested I be a stay at home mom and I said Okay so I am not angry about that. I have the opportunity to make as much as him possibly more with this position but until then I obviously bring home no money so I feel almost obligated to work around him because I'm the one inconviencing his work.
Which is why I answered with the rest of my post about it being your turn now
Lol I know I just didn't want you to think I wouldn't you know jump in front of a car for him or anythign.. We'll unless I was holding the baby of course, then he's just SOL
I'm may differ a bit, but girl, you've sacrificed your dreams long enough. And btw, you seem to have one dream, got educated and prepared for it, and actually want to work in that same field. To have to deny a dream job (the Ritz, how AWESOME) seems foolish b/c this may not come around again. It sounds like he wants what he wants without regard to what you want...and working that out instead of it being all about him is what's important.
AND...if you make a decent salary working, he can stay home with the little one and then go to school during the day...it doesn't have to be an either/or...but he will have to sacrifice something himself.
Good luck...I really wouldn't want to turn down a great opportunity b/c he can't figure out what he wants to do with his life.
If he is the breadwinner then I would say wait until he's finished his degree. Then it's your turn to work and his turn to help you. It's a challenge having both of you working when you have a little one.
Seeing as you have a child, it isn't about who sacrifices for who, it is about what is best for your family.
Which job has the better income? Which job has better benefits? Who will be the breadwinner? Is that going to be best for everyone (will your husband be ok if you are the breadwinner, or will it hurt his pride)?
Another thought, is what is going to be best in the long term? Your child will be going to school soon. Do you really want to work nights and have your child gone during the day? That can be very difficult on your child.
Another thought. My mom worked nights, and my dad work days when we grew up (there were 4 kids all very close in age, it was what was best economically for the family). However, It took a toll on their marriage. They made it through it...but it was hard. And they eventually learned that life was better when they both worked days (even if the money wasn't as good).
These are just some more thoughts to consider. Good luck.
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