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My girlfriend of 4 months just informed me that she realized she had well north of 200K in student loan debt. We are both in our 40's, divorced and each with 2 kids about to hit college. She's working on her phD in a decent field, but she still has 2 years to go! She went through some rough times (the ex has major issues) and I think she used a bunch of it just to live on. We've had these conversations a couple times before, and she always thought the debt was under 6 figures -- apparently this was the first time she really sat down and added it up (she tends to bury things that causes her anxiety obviously). She's has no savings and about to get foreclosed on (her payment went up 600 a year ago and she just stopped making the payments, "faking" a bankruptcy to stay in the house, but she'll need to find a new place by June).
This woman is beautiful, smart and absolutely adores me. She works 3 jobs and goes to school, and is an incredible mother. We are REALLY great together. But this obviously came as a major shock. I've always been fairly money conservative, and currently have a net value well over what she owes (and that's after my ex took most of my money LOL). I'm trying to look past this, but the math just doesn't add up -- even at 30 years, it's like $1700 per month just in loan payments. And we'd be in our 70's by then! arggh...
And right now I'm unemployed. Normally when I'm working I'm north of 200K, but the job market is obviously in the crapper right now (and I'm burning through my savings between alimony, child support and my own house payment). Crossing my fingers I'm back in the saddle in a couple months.
I'm not sure what advice I'm looking for, I think I just needed some place to vent. We have talked marriage, and I'd really love to marry this woman, but this scares the crap out of me (and I'm sick of paying for everyone elses crap). I guess they always say there's a catch (last year, my girlfriend of 4 months informed me she was trying to have a baby with frozen sperm -- I thought, maybe that should be the 2nd date conversation?). Sigh.
... if she would be so smart, she would know how much she owes. She clearly has no sense for money and even if you would help her, she would continuously cost you an arm and a leg forever, plus her kids. ... FAKING BANCRUPTCY ... she clearly is also not trustworthy.
I don't know why you even consider marrying her - WHY??? I would run. There ARE other women out there, that don't need frozen sperm or tons of money.
Think of your kids and rather give them the money for a good college, they deserve it more than somebody who can't get her affairs in order.
She sounds like a train wreck, its great that she is beautiful and adores you, it just isn't logical to be with her... her debt will be your debt and you will go down with her
Sorry to be harsh but it's not true love, it's blind love, especially if you keep justifying why she has to do what she did (faking bankruptcy, talking about having kids only after dating four months, etc.). Besides, how much can you really get to know someone within four months? It is possible that a person can pretend to be nice for four months (and I'm not suggesting that she may be pretentious, just in general).
If you still intend to marry her, ask if she's willing to write a pre-nup to make sure that you won't be liable for her debts before marriage? If she gets offended by it, then she's clearly looking to you to help her financially. If she's a nice person, she will understand the student loan is her sole responsibility.
so if she signs a pre-nup - then what? He will see her suffer financially and in the end he will end up paying anyway. You can't really live with somebody under one roof and ignoring the other person's financial problems, I find that unrealistic. You can't see somebody suffer that you love, your instinct tells you to help.
I had a boyfriend when I was 20 and he was in debt and I did not want to pay for him. But then I couldn't go to the movies with him, no vacation, I had to drive him around because he had no money for gas, he ate horrible cheap food and I ended up feeding him ... and in the end he stole from me when I slept.
That is a whole lot student debt for a 40-something that still has two years of studies left! Whoa!!!
And now the two of you will have another four kids to put through college.
I'm not one to put finances ahead of love, but you've got to realize that this gal could be an anchor for you. I hope she's assured of one hellish big income when she finally finishes college at... what age?
I started going back to college in my early 40s with the solid goal of finishing by age 45. I figured if I couldn't do it by then it wasn't worth it. Then I had medical problems that set me back a year. That was it for me. And I was paying cash for school, was debt free, and had a healthy portfolio.
If her income is WAY up there after graduation, she could still do okay, but I'd be careful if I was you. I wouldn't get married to her. (There's really no need for that anyway.) And I wouldn't give her any financial support that could pull you down. She can file bankruptcy if necessary (not that it'll help with her student loans), but if you get tied up with her it could bring both of you to that point.
Just be very careful. It's a b*tch having lots of money and losing it all.
So with her new found knowledge of debt, is she still wanting a child?
Four months is way too soon considering how you are both on shaky ground. And if you get married, her debt would become yours or idk how that works but check into it.
But, yeah, her wanting a kid when she isn't even finished with school and expects to work is completely insane. And the debt with her other kids hitting college, she's really not that smart.
yea, just b.c someone graduated college and grad school and is working on a PHD does not mean they are smart. She may know enough about a subject or two , but it sounds like she doesn't respect money what so ever nor her financial future. Do you want her to treat your hard earned money like toilet paper too?
I'd run for the hills on this one. Probably change your phone number too.
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