Wife wants me to go on vacation by myself (younger, college, friends)
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Go on vacation, women like to be home alone sometimes. I am taking a week vacation without my husband during spring break, I'll have kids with, he can't get the time off. He will be home alone for a week and he doesn't sound happy about it, wants me not to go, but we all need a break sometimes. I would love a week home alone, no kids, no husband, just me. YAY!
Uhm... wow. I suspect you only read the thread topic and not the body of the post, because you're really missing the bigger picture here.
Man, there are some people on this message board who are very quick to throw in the towel. When I say I love her and want to make it work, I mean it. Tonight she apologized for the hurtful words, and I said I'd try to meet her needs more - mainly she wants me to go out and being social with her. She said if I'm more social, she doesn't need me to take a vacation.
Man, there are some people on this message board who are very quick to throw in the towel. When I say I love her and want to make it work, I mean it. Tonight she apologized for the hurtful words, and I said I'd try to meet her needs more - mainly she wants me to go out and being social with her. She said if I'm more social, she doesn't need me to take a vacation.
Let's revisit this thread in 6 months to a year...
Man, there are some people on this message board who are very quick to throw in the towel. When I say I love her and want to make it work, I mean it. Tonight she apologized for the hurtful words, and I said I'd try to meet her needs more - mainly she wants me to go out and being social with her. She said if I'm more social, she doesn't need me to take a vacation.
Man, there are some people on this message board who are very quick to throw in the towel. When I say I love her and want to make it work, I mean it. Tonight she apologized for the hurtful words, and I said I'd try to meet her needs more - mainly she wants me to go out and being social with her. She said if I'm more social, she doesn't need me to take a vacation.
There is just something that really grates on me about her issue with you. Being social has got to be way down on the list of reasons why I'd want to leave someone. Sure, having fun together as a couple does help the bond but it's something that could easily be worked out, like having a designated date night. Would that be so hard to do for you and why if she was complaining before, you just couldn't be budged? Or is she much younger and needs to party frequently or is it on a scale you're not comfortable with? Does she drink a lot or do drugs?
Her actions suggest that her needs come before the marriage. And she thinks you're the one who needs counseling as if her behavior is perfect? Not saying you are either, but you both need to go together. She went way off into 'can't take it back' territory which looms over your heads like a dark cloud. You said she knew she would look bad in counseling, what's that about? Even if she didn't mean it and was just trying to shock you out of complacency, there are more effective ways to communicate and that's what you both need to learn.
Insist on both of you go to counseling because you both need it. She is not the innocent one. You have been hurt too. It's not about who's right or wrong, it's about understanding each other and learning how to communicate effectively.
Man, there are some people on this message board who are very quick to throw in the towel. When I say I love her and want to make it work, I mean it. Tonight she apologized for the hurtful words, and I said I'd try to meet her needs more - mainly she wants me to go out and being social with her. She said if I'm more social, she doesn't need me to take a vacation.
Yay!
I wish you the best of luck with your marriage. The best marriages are not so much because the couples are truly soulmates, but because each makes the effort to meet their spouses changing needs. All strong LTRs need constant maintenance and tweaking.
And while you are trying to be more social, keep the lines of communication open with your wife. You both will have different definitions of being "social". And I'm sure that she doesn't want to force you to be social in a way that you are miserable doing it.
My bf and I are happiest just doing things by ourselves and then each of us hanging out with our separate friends. Maybe twice a year we will hang out as a couple with his work friends, then he with my friends.
I also love when he takes off for a week to visit his family in Florida without me, or goes camping with the guys. I have no designs on cheating on him, but its nice to go do my thing and not have to check in with him to see if he is all set with dinner. I see nothing wrong with having periodic alone time while in a relationship. And when we get back together, we have lots more to talk about. Absence does indeed make the heart grow fonder, and it prevents thoughts about the s/o being a "ball and chain"... which btw is a phrase that is predominately used by husbands to describe their wives.
Quote: What would you do if your wife told you to be more social or else she was going to have an affair with her coworker? Would you leave her or would you humor her?
I have a feeling the affair may have already begun.
That's why his name looked familiar.
I would be grateful to be away from a spouse like his.
Man, there are some people on this message board who are very quick to throw in the towel. When I say I love her and want to make it work, I mean it. Tonight she apologized for the hurtful words, and I said I'd try to meet her needs more - mainly she wants me to go out and being social with her. She said if I'm more social, she doesn't need me to take a vacation.
Her coworker/potential affair can't get away for the week she wants you to be gone so you will "do" for now until plans with the coworker/potential affair can be set in stone.
I can't believe you are willing to stay with a woman like this when she is obviously NOT happy, does NOT love you and is NOT willing to accept the fact that you are NOT as social as she is.
Your choice to stay if you want but why stay in a going nowhere fast marriage with a woman who has either already started the affair or is about to.
Man, there are some people on this message board who are very quick to throw in the towel. When I say I love her and want to make it work, I mean it. Tonight she apologized for the hurtful words, and I said I'd try to meet her needs more - mainly she wants me to go out and being social with her. She said if I'm more social, she doesn't need me to take a vacation.
Well I'm not one of those people telling you to throw in the towel, but I am telling you to get to the bottom of what is going on with your wife and her coworker. And do it fast.
Also, she's basically given you a condition; if you want to stay married you need to socialize more.
Now give her your own condition; if she wants to stay married, the two of you have to go to marriage counseling.
Please don't make the mistake of thinking that as long as you do A B and C everything will be ok, because if she is developing a relationship with her coworker she will also start demanding X Y and Z. And N, and P, and G, and so on and so on. There will be nothing you can do to make her happy. This is what happened to a good friend of my husband's. The poor guy was bending over backwards to make his wife happy and the whole time she was having an affair.
I'm just telling you to watch your back and delve into what is going on, because if she is only THINKING about an affair or it hasn't gone physical yet, you still need to intercept that relationship ASAP if you want to save your marriage. And there is nothing wrong with wanting to save your marriage, but you have to be proactive and protect yourself at the same time.
I really, really wish you luck, just don't bury your head in the sand.
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