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... so she can have "alone time" for about a week. We've had some difficult talks over the past week. She says I don't make her happy. She says I'm like "food with no nutrients." She says we have nothing in common. She says other people represent "life" and I represent "death." She says I give her a bottomless black hole in her soul.
She's obviously not happy with me but I want to make it work. We've been married 8 years. I love her. I know this sounds really screwed up, but should I go on the week long vacation by myself and give her some time?
Is this something you are JUST finding out or did she let you know about bump in the roads before this?
I'm different from other people, whereas if a guy told me this I would bounce and never look back. These words are too hurtful. Sorry.
... so she can have "alone time" for about a week. We've had some difficult talks over the past week. She says I don't make her happy. She says I'm like "food with no nutrients." She says we have nothing in common. She says other people represent "life" and I represent "death." She says I give her a bottomless black hole in her soul.
She's obviously not happy with me but I want to make it work. We've been married 8 years. I love her. I know this sounds really screwed up, but should I go on the week long vacation by myself and give her some time?
No offense, I know this part wasn't meant to be a joke, but that part made me lol. Who says stuff like that to their spouse??
Are you f*cking serious? Are you listening to yourself? She says you're smothering her bc you do nice things? You really think that all she wants is for you to go out with she and her friends and drink a beer? Wake up man. If it was that simple she wouldn't be saying crazy sh*t to like what you mentioned in the first post of this thread. She wouldn't be talking about sleeping with the co-worker if you don't become more sociable. She wouldn't be saying that you're smothering her when you do nice things. She's supposed to be your wife. Why does she get so upset bc you're nice to her? think about that.
What person of quality says sh*t like that? No one is the answer. It sounds like she has her mind made up and the being sociable thing is an excuse to eventually dump your as*. Yet you're still sitting here thinking that you can make it work with this woman that says you're a black hole to her soul. What the h*ll man. And no, being more sociable isn't going to make you stop being a black hole to her soul. Those are hateful words man. This woman doesn't like your as* and you're too blinded to understand that. Wake up before it's to late.
Truth.com.
OP sounds weak. Just move on.
I always ask this question when people say they "love" someone who treats them horribly or says terrible things to them.
That's not love IMO, Marilyn220....addiction to an idea maybe? in love with what could be? wishful thinking.... so you'll go out boozing with her, that's one heck of an improvement, I'm sure, quality time!!! Alcohol will save the day and the relationship!!! You have got to be kidding!
Are you f*cking serious? Are you listening to yourself? She says you're smothering her bc you do nice things? You really think that all she wants is for you to go out with she and her friends and drink a beer? Wake up man. If it was that simple she wouldn't be saying crazy sh*t to like what you mentioned in the first post of this thread. She wouldn't be talking about sleeping with the co-worker if you don't become more sociable. She wouldn't be saying that you're smothering her when you do nice things. She's supposed to be your wife. Why does she get so upset bc you're nice to her? think about that.
What person of quality says sh*t like that? No one is the answer. It sounds like she has her mind made up and the being sociable thing is an excuse to eventually dump your as*. Yet you're still sitting here thinking that you can make it work with this woman that says you're a black hole to her soul. What the h*ll man. And no, being more sociable isn't going to make you stop being a black hole to her soul. Those are hateful words man. This woman doesn't like your as* and you're too blinded to understand that. Wake up before it's to late.
^I agree 100%.
My husband does nice things for me all the time and the last thing I feel is smothered. The sleep with a co-worker thing is unbelievable! I'd tell her to have at it but make sure she took her crap with her because the locks would be changing.
The OP mentioned that he would go along with what she wanted to do if that's what it took to save the marriage. However, if partying isn't your thing then you aren't being true to yourself. It's one thing to compromise and quite another to be a doormat.
My first husband is very much an extrovert and I am very introverted. He wanted the house full of people all the time, etc. Drove me crazy. But I think there's a lot more going on with the OP's wife than just the personality type. I think she just wants out and after all the nasty things she's said to him....well, if it were me I'd tell her to not let the door hit her on the.....on her way out.
OP.....if you're a proponent of marriage counseling, I would go there instead of the partying/do whatever she wants you to do route. I'm not a big fan of therapy but I think it would be a better option over the partying scene.
You seem to be willing to do anything to save your marriage but perhaps it's coming off more like desperate. I don't mean to be critical nor saying you are, in fact, desperate.....it may just come off that way to your wife. In my experience, no one wants a person to pander to their every demand. I know I don't. I have more respect for a person who draws a line in the sand, "this I will do and this I won't do." Because emotionally healthy people don't allow themselves to be walked on. For instance, I love my yard and could do yard work every day. My husband doesn't like it at all and won't do much beyond the lawn mowing. He will help me if I'm unloading a bunch of heavy stuff, etc. After that he's off to do his thing in the garage, with a friend, fishing, whatever. I'm not the type to demand and he's not the type to give into demands, but we do know how to compromise so we both get what we want most the time.
Your wife isn't compromising nor does it sound like she even likes you much. She sounds angry and honestly, do you know if she's being faithful? I mean everyone has a need for "alone time" but your wife wants to party....so why does she need the alone time now? If you give her the time off, I'd have a friend do drive-bys. The whole thing doesn't smell right, just my 2 cents.....and good luck.
That's not love IMO, Marilyn220....addiction to an idea maybe? in love with what could be? wishful thinking.... so you'll go out boozing with her, that's one heck of an improvement, I'm sure, quality time!!! Alcohol will save the day and the relationship!!! You have got to be kidding!
I truly believe this MaggieZ and not just with the OP either.
Hell, even I've been guilty of falling in love with a "fantasy" I created in my head of someone, but it never takes long for that fantasy to dissolve into pieces when the person's TRUE colors emerge.
I think the problem occurs when we see people for how we WISH them to be and not how they REALLY are and always have been.
... so she can have "alone time" for about a week. We've had some difficult talks over the past week. She says I don't make her happy. She says I'm like "food with no nutrients." She says we have nothing in common. She says other people represent "life" and I represent "death." She says I give her a bottomless black hole in her soul.
She's obviously not happy with me but I want to make it work. We've been married 8 years. I love her. I know this sounds really screwed up, but should I go on the week long vacation by myself and give her some time?
If my wife said something like that... I divorced her and let her find out how green the other side really is... love? I can find love somewhere else...
I can't believe all these people out there would just divorce someone because of mean words they say. Doesn't marriage mean more than that? Doesn't love mean more than that?
But suppose I did leave her. What would be my justification? Her threats? Her mean words? She never cheated on me (that I know of), and she only asked me to be more social. If I left her, I am the bad guy.
I can't believe all these people out there would just divorce someone because of mean words they say. Doesn't marriage mean more than that? Doesn't love mean more than that?
You're a sucker. Stay with her and don't complain when she continues to treat you like garbage or doesn't come home one night.
And you know what? You won't "complain" cause you're weak.
Quote:
But suppose I did leave her. What would be my justification? Her threats? Her mean words? She never cheated on me (that I know of), and she only asked me to be more social. If I left her, I am the bad guy.
You should change your screen name to POINDEXTER cause that's exactly what you are - a POINDEXTER.
She basically told you being around you is like a dark cloud that makes her want to slit her wrists. Don't you get it??!!!
She does NOT want you ANYMORE.
Last edited by marilyn220; 02-11-2012 at 10:06 PM..
she threatened she'd go with a co worker!!! She told you you were like death to her, and so on...did you forget all that?
You posted here asking advice, did you think it would all be one-sided? Seriously, you go on and live your life with your wife and stop asking for advice on these boards then.....
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No offense, I know this part wasn't meant to be a joke, but that part made me lol. Who says stuff like that to their spouse??
