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... so she can have "alone time" for about a week. We've had some difficult talks over the past week. She says I don't make her happy. She says I'm like "food with no nutrients." She says we have nothing in common. She says other people represent "life" and I represent "death." She says I give her a bottomless black hole in her soul.
She's obviously not happy with me but I want to make it work. We've been married 8 years. I love her. I know this sounds really screwed up, but should I go on the week long vacation by myself and give her some time?
If it was me I would take a permanent vacation from her. Those are some harsh words directed at you and I don't think she will change her mind. That being said I hope a vacation does work for you both.
No, I'm not a liar or a troll. And I'm not being motivated by fear. Rather, I was woken up by her words and threats. I am motivated by love and marriage covenants I made 8 years ago. It's not just the car I'm giving her. It's my time and my love and willingness to do whatever she needs me to do. Even if that means staying away if I'm smothering her. You can say no backbone, doormat, whatever. From what I've read, there are way too many people who give up at the slightest little bump in the road. I'm not giving up.
I know this isn't a religious forum, but Luke 6:27-28 says "Do good to those who hate you. Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, offer the other cheek also. If someone demands your coat, offer your shirt also."
Listen to me very carefully, the same God's writing you are quoting, also gave us common sense to be prepared for the worst. So i am not saying you should abandon your marriage beacuse I am also of the mind set that you do everything possible to work things out but turning a blind eye to some of the genuine sensible advise given in this thread will be unwise. Anyway, i wish you and the mrs the best. These are difficult time, i hope things improve
So let me see if I got this right, in order for a woman to receive very expensive and romantic gifts on VD, all she had to do is being a complete Bytch, treat a man like dirt, and practically kick him out of the house for a few days while she enjoys some alone, or maybe not, time.
Yep! That's what I've said a number of times!
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I am so happy I visit this forum on a daily basis, there are things that money can't buy
The scary part is it IS true - to one degree or another.
I've read post after post and just can't hold back any longer so here is my 2 cents worth.
I agree, if you want to buy her a car, put it in only your name. But. Before you give her the car, let her know that you have desided on where you will go for the week vacation she would like for you to take. After all, you do want to please her right? Take the vacation, that will please her. When you come home you can give her the car, if you still choose to do so.
Wake up and react. That's exactly what I'm trying to do, but what does that mean? Does that mean go partying with her? Buy her flowers? Give her a week alone? What should I do?
Stand up for yourself. You cannot be with a person that cannot accept you for the person you are. You need to find somebody that will.
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Originally Posted by MountainMen
Man, there are some people on this message board who are very quick to throw in the towel. When I say I love her and want to make it work, I mean it. Tonight she apologized for the hurtful words, and I said I'd try to meet her needs more - mainly she wants me to go out and being social with her. She said if I'm more social, she doesn't need me to take a vacation.
No, these are the people with self respect. Your fear of rejection is at the same level as her fear of being lonely if/when she dumps you...
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Originally Posted by MountainMen
This is almost verbatim my wife's train of thought. She's woken up in the middle of the night with nightmares about being "47 and lonely". She can't imagine getting older and not being social with others. Being introverted or anti-social is extremely hard for many to understand. People like myself or your wife can be completely fulfilled at home, with a book or an ipad. Some people can't do that, it makes them crawl up the wall. It's not wrong, just different.
Can a relationship between an introvert and extrovert be successful? I don't know, but I'm bending a little more in my wife's extroverted direction to make it work. The many good comments on this board have encouraged me to not let it fall apart. Thank you.
To the comment about intercepting the attraction to the coworker, how do I do that? They see each other every day at work. Short of getting a job in her office, not sure what I can do to "intercept". I think that's one I have to defer to trust.
"She can't imagine getting older and not being social with others."
That makes no sense. Just because you are old doesn't me you suddenly become introverted. You need to read between the lines with what she is saying. She feels trapped being with you and is worried that if she leaves you (actually dumps you), she won't find somebody to spend the rest of her life with.
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Originally Posted by MountainMen
I can't believe all these people out there would just divorce someone because of mean words they say. Doesn't marriage mean more than that? Doesn't love mean more than that?
But suppose I did leave her. What would be my justification? Her threats? Her mean words? She never cheated on me (that I know of), and she only asked me to be more social. If I left her, I am the bad guy.
She doesn't respect you as a person. Leave her and find somebody that will respect you.
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Originally Posted by MountainMen
The weak/easy thing to do is give up and walk away. I'm not doing that, especially if all I have to go on is mean words. The hard thing to do is fight for a relationship with a person you love. Sunday morning I made her breakfast in bed, took her shopping at the mall, and then to her favorite restaurant and a foreign film in the evening. I had a great day, and it added up to two times the fun at night.
Actually, buying her things is the easiest thing to do...you stay in your deluded world.
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Originally Posted by MountainMen
Well then, you guys don't even want to know what I have in store for her today. Let's just say it involves buying a new car (with removable top), an Indian silk scarf for those windy drives, cooking her favorite meal served with candles and roses, a long massage, and fresh homemade chocolates.
You have gone from being her husband to her sugar daddy. You are all about love, but you are basically bribing her to extend the relationship...this is not love or a healthy relationship. You are obsessive and afraid of rejection, and she is using your tendency and weakness against you...you need to wake up before it is too late.
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Originally Posted by MountainMen
No, I'm not a liar or a troll. And I'm not being motivated by fear. Rather, I was woken up by her words and threats. I am motivated by love and marriage covenants I made 8 years ago. It's not just the car I'm giving her. It's my time and my love and willingness to do whatever she needs me to do. Even if that means staying away if I'm smothering her. You can say no backbone, doormat, whatever. From what I've read, there are way too many people who give up at the slightest little bump in the road. I'm not giving up.
I know this isn't a religious forum, but Luke 6:27-28 says "Do good to those who hate you. Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, offer the other cheek also. If someone demands your coat, offer your shirt also."
oh here come the bible quotes!!! lordy, lordy..it's just another day in paradise! I find it amusing, that's why I keep coming back here!
Will someone buy me a plane ticket? a new Camera? I will curse you out first if you like...
I would never dream to treat a person mean and then have the nerve to accept gifts from them. You treat someone like crap and then get gifts for it! that's really neat! Sado masochism comes to mind.This whole saga cannot be taken seriously!?
oh here come the bible quotes!!! lordy, lordy..it's just another day in paradise! I find it amusing, that's why I keep coming back here!
Will someone buy me a plane ticket? a new Camera? I will curse you out first if you like...
I would never dream to treat a person mean and then have the nerve to accept gifts from them. You treat someone like crap and then get gifts for it! that's really neat! Sado masochism comes to mind.This whole saga cannot be taken seriously!?
No kidding, he obviously gets some satisfaction out of being treated like garbage....that is, if this is even for real.
It's only twenty to 4am here, should give me plenty of time to come up with a list of things I want before my husband wakes up. I should probably come up with enough verbal hatred to spew beforehand to insure I get what I want.
How much of a jerk do I have to be to get a trip to Europe, quit my job and sit on my arse all day.....yah, the list goes on. Just give me time.
OP, if this mess happens to be real, you or your wife, or both, are certifiable. No one with any amount of self-respect would put up with getting kicked in the nu....I mean teeth, like you do on a daily basis. If your wife treats you as
horribly as you say, part of the problem is you have taught her to. We teach people how to treat us and you've apparently done a bang-up job teaching your wife to treat you like shyt. Otherwise she's just a beyotch who wouldn't get away with the shyt she pulls with a man with self-respect.
That nonsense about the car with a removable roof and the Italian scarf cracked me up. Are you for real? A trip to the mall? Is she 14?
It's one thing to meet someone in the middle, altogether another to let yourself be bullied onto another person's agenda. You won't be able to maintain this in the long-term and nor will she. The stakes will get higher, they always do.
People either want to be with you or they don't. Buying them/buying them stuff works in the short-term, for people such as your wife. But h e l l, I guess you'll be back to let us know, right?
No, I'm not a liar or a troll. And I'm not being motivated by fear. Rather, I was woken up by her words and threats. I am motivated by love and marriage covenants I made 8 years ago. It's not just the car I'm giving her. It's my time and my love and willingness to do whatever she needs me to do. Even if that means staying away if I'm smothering her. You can say no backbone, doormat, whatever. From what I've read, there are way too many people who give up at the slightest little bump in the road. I'm not giving up.
I know this isn't a religious forum, but Luke 6:27-28 says "Do good to those who hate you. Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, offer the other cheek also. If someone demands your coat, offer your shirt also."
I have been married 17 years and there have been more than a few bumps in the road, not all of them slight. Thats what happens in relationships. People who want to be together don't have to "buy" one another. Sure, it's great to have nice stuff but if that's all that's keeping a person there you have more problems than you'd care to know about or face.
I'm not a religious person, to each his own. But you can always pray for someone....at a distance. You are being used but you must like it .
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