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I haven't posted about my personal life in a while, mainly because I freak out over dating like I used to and I'm in a pretty happy place in my life, but I had a date last night in which she said something to me that I didn't think would be such a factor but I think is affecting her interest in me.
I met a girl on a dating site, I'm in my late 20's, she's 30, we're both leading pretty busy lifestyles right now so we've been on 3 dates at least 2 weeks apart from each other.
We were out on date 3 last night and things went really well, we had a lot of fun, and we were pretty flirty toward the end of the night. But at one point she told me that she really likes me, thinks I'm cute, and really nice....but that she comes from a really liberal family and she's not sure how her parents would react to her bringing home a Libertarian. I think she just doesn't understand libertarianism, which is fine, most people don't, and on some social issues they're very similar with slight differences. But the fact she's mulling this over in her head and sharing with me tells me she's really into me and this is something that would normally rule a guy out of her potential boyfriend dating pool and she's starting to think ahead to the "meet-the-parents" stage. Or....maybe it's a real concern and she's looking to drop me because of it but doesn't know how to break it to me.
Either way, we agreed to see each other again this coming weekend so I'm just gonna go with it, but I've just never heard of someone factoring political beliefs so heavily in whether they'd date someone. I mean I love political debates and it's a hobby of mine to read about politics and economics, but I never lose friends over it and I'm very understanding of other people's beliefs. Maybe others aren't so tolerable?
For some people (myself included) politics is a more personal issue than for others. If I know someone has certain political beliefs or affiliations, it affects my ability to respect that person. It's not just about politics, it's about a person's entire value system.
In this girl's case, it sounds like she might be more concerned with what her parents think than about her personal feelings, which is a little different. It's one thing for her to say she doesn't want to date you because you're a libertarian; it's something else to say she doesn't want to date you because of what her parents will think. The latter strikes me as more than a little immature.
Yes, I've been rejected because of my political leanings, and I've rejected women because of theirs, but this is only a problem for me when someone is rather extreme and can't even discuss the issues reasonably.
I could be with someone that had certain different political beliefs from me - but there are some that I just couldn't live with. My husband and I might not see eye to eye on everything - but we do on the issues that are the most important to me. If I found out the guy I was dating didn't agree with me on these issues - I'm not certain that I could live with that. Luckily it wasn't a problem!
I mean I love political debates and it's a hobby of mine to read about politics and economics, but I never lose friends over it and I'm very understanding of other people's beliefs. Maybe others aren't so tolerable?
I also love political debates, love to read about politics and economics, and I'm very tolerant of others' beliefs. I also lean libertarian but I don't like to put myself in a box. However, I do feel ruling someone out because of political views is VALID. Many times one's worldview can leak into how the carry themselves into a relationship, marriage, and child rearing. That's something you should consider.
However, people should give others a chance to articulate their beliefs before they completely rule them out based on party affiliation. Many people "pick an ideology" based on a few reasons or because of their family. If you go down the line of issues without attaching an affiliation to it, you may find that you may have a lot in common. I've shown more than enough Dems and Repubs they aren't really who they think they are by digging into specific policies.
I think it's a bigger problem that she is concerned about bringing a non-liberal home to her liberal parents.
She's either very young and hasn't established her own autonomy from her parents or she's too concerned about what other people think of her.
Either of which could be a red flag for you
I know you are just at the dating stage, but once you fall in love with someone you love them despite their religion, politics or race.
Hmm... not sure I completely agree with that. The race part - yes. But the religion and politics? I don't know. I don't think I could love someone despite their religion or politics in some cases. I think that a person's religion and political beliefs are a big part of who they are and I'm not sure that you can always love someone in spite of those things.
The only time it ever came up for me was when I was casually dating a conservative, Catholic man who was at that time in the midst of a 20-year career in the military. It was clear from the beginning that though there was an attraction, a left-leaning Lutheran girl with deep roots in social justice issues and no ties to the military/no interest in the military lifestyle was not going to be long-term dating material, as far as he was concerned. As this was by design a short-term, non-serious thing (he was about to begin a multi-year assignment abroad), it wasn't a big thing.
Flash forward to today, I am in a relationship of many years with a pro-capitalism, nonreligious libertarian who doesn't give a fig that I am a bleeding heart, liberal, and religiously observant, and we get on well.
That said, politics have come up as barriers between myself and various members of my extended family, but it's less about the beliefs themselves, and more about the rudeness with which many choose to express their beliefs/denigrate others for holding beliefs they don't share.
Hmm... not sure I completely agree with that. The race part - yes. But the religion and politics? I don't know. I don't think I could love someone despite their religion or politics in some cases. I think that a person's religion and political beliefs are a big part of who they are and I'm not sure that you can always love someone in spite of those things.
Trust me, it happens
Now, maybe not to people who automatically rule out those of a different religion or political party and never get close to them in the first place.
But sometimes you can find yourself attracted to someone, THEN find out about their religion or politics.
Love can definitely still bloom even in the face of these differences.
I find that most cultural* differences aren't as big a deal if, for the couple in question, their respect for and dedication to one another is a more important part of their lives than those differences.
*by 'cultural," I am talking more than ethnic culture...but all-encompassing culture, including but not limited to religious beliefs, political stances, opinions on various social issues, parenting styles and preferences, etc.
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