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Being friends with somebody has absolutely nothing in common with living with somebody and making major decisions together.
But not having a lot of shared common ground politically doesn't rule out having a lot of shared common ground in other areas.
Having absolutely nothing in common is never good for a relationship, obviously, but having differing political beliefs doesn't necessarily equal having absolutely nothing in common. Not every one's political preferences bleed over into all their interactions with others and color their relationships, some because it's a conscious choice to not allow it to happen, and others because that's just not how they interact.
For many, it comes down to respect for the rights of others to hold their beliefs and opinions.
I've never really been intrested in politics myself & I can't remember women I've been intrested in bring the subject up. My current Gf is like me which is good neither one of us care for it.
You make good points, but what if one is against abortion, gay marriage or some other hot button issue and marries a person who is for it? There will be conflicts in how to raise the children. Few people are open-minded enough to allow both views and let the kids decide.
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Conflicts in values and differences of opinion on a variety of major issues come up between people independently of politics, as well, though...my parents certainly didn't have identical stances on all aspects of parenting and other lifestyle choices, etc. regardless of having very aligned political convictions. Compromise is always going to be key in a long-term and/or marriage relationship, whether the issues that will be compromised on arise from political convictions or something else. If you can't compromise, you're going to have a difficult time with relationships, regardless if your views are politically rooted or not. Again, compatible values, political or otherwise, are necessary for a relationship, IMO...not identical ones.
It was many years ago and maybe things are much different now but I once lived with my bf who was a liberal, I, a conservative. We never had one fight about political views. I never really gave it a second thought. That probably would've been much different if we'd decided to stay together and have children. I'm not very political. I don't think with my emotions on most issues either like one party seems to. So I try to avoid most political conversations. <yawn>
I almost forgot, the love of my life is a liberal. LOL We sometimes do discuss differences but nothing comes of it but a brief opinion. No arguing or anger. No, I don't live with him.
But it wouldn't matter. We let each other be who we are. Let? I don't mean it like that. We accept each other as we are.
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Originally Posted by TabulaRasa
But not having a lot of shared common ground politically doesn't rule out having a lot of shared common ground in other areas.
Having absolutely nothing in common is never good for a relationship, obviously, but having differing political beliefs doesn't necessarily equal having absolutely nothing in common. Not every one's political preferences bleed over into all their interactions with others and color their relationships, some because it's a conscious choice to not allow it to happen, and others because that's just not how they interact.
For many, it comes down to respect for the rights of others to hold their beliefs and opinions.
OK, maybe I'm not making myself clear. I think we can agree that health care, for instance, is very much a political issue nowadays.
Here's a hypothetical situation. Imagine you have children. One partner wants them "properly" vaccinated and the other wants nothing to do with it. Imagine your children get cancer. One partner wants to put them through all "proper" chemos; the other wants to take them to an alternative clinic in Mexico and fight CPS and the courts. What do you do? How do you "respect" each other's views? Are you going to split the child in two?
OK, maybe I'm not making myself clear. I think we can agree that health care, for instance, is very much a political issue nowadays.
Here's a hypothetical situation. Imagine you have children. One partner wants them "properly" vaccinated and the other wants nothing to do with it. Imagine your children get cancer. One partner wants to put them through all "proper" chemos; the other wants to take them to an alternative clinic in Mexico and fight CPS and the courts. What do you do? How do you "respect" each other's views? Are you going to split the child in two?
You raise a good point, but that's not a political question. That example to me is very much tied into the much more crucial question of 'How do we raise the kids?' If my wife strolled in and said, 'We're not going to vaccinate the kids any more,' I'd tell her she'd lost her mind.
Being friends with somebody has absolutely nothing in common with living with somebody and making major decisions together.
You missed my point. My wife and I disagree markedly on issues. For example, she's much more of a social conservative than I am. While I think there are definitely standards for the way people should behave, I am deeply suspicious of legislating it.
The result? On many an election day we've cancelled out each other's vote. Yet we've managed to laugh about it.
You raise a good point, but that's not a political question. That example to me is very much tied into the much more crucial question of 'How do we raise the kids?'
While these issues certainly fit in this narrow category, to me they’re simply a manifestation of much broader and very much political views.
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If my wife strolled in and said, 'We're not going to vaccinate the kids any more,' I'd tell her she'd lost her mind.
And what will you do after that? How many people really discuss such possibilities before having kids? Did you? Besides, things change even years after you’ve gotten married. The country we live in now has almost nothing to do with the country we lived in mere 10 years ago.
People have always disagreed politically, but what I can't stand more than anything is the relentless 'politicization' of everyday life over the last 20 years or so....you can hardly go anywhere in the American 'public square' without one group or another throwing politics in your face where its not appropriate or doesn't apply. I have fairly strong political views, but I don't discuss them where its not appropriate, ie, sporting events, church, etc, and I dont throw them in other peoples' faces.
OK, maybe I'm not making myself clear. I think we can agree that health care, for instance, is very much a political issue nowadays.
Here's a hypothetical situation. Imagine you have children. One partner wants them "properly" vaccinated and the other wants nothing to do with it. Imagine your children get cancer. One partner wants to put them through all "proper" chemos; the other wants to take them to an alternative clinic in Mexico and fight CPS and the courts. What do you do? How do you "respect" each other's views? Are you going to split the child in two?
You work it out...just like couples everywhere, regardless of political affiliation, when they don't see eye to eye. Or you don't, and go your separate ways, allowing the courts to decide who gets to make the decisions, if you can't get around your differences in stance to come to a decision regarding what's best for your child. But this is something that couples face regardless of political affiliations, and many hot button issues exist independent of personal politics. Couples need to determine, as early on as possible, if they have compatible values...and not having compatible values isn't always a matter of politics. Politics don't HAVE to be as polarizing as people choose to make them, in all instances.
And what will you do after that? How many people really discuss such possibilities before having kids?
Yes they do. I never said anything was certain. But the point of all this is that there are enormous number of values that matter in a marriage or any long-term relationship, values that are completely unrelated to one's political views. Compared to those, how one votes in November is really a trivial matter. What's more, it's pretty much a given that both partners will continue to grow and change during the course of a marriage, so what's to ensure that the liberal you date today doesn't become the conservative you live with tomorrow? Stranger things have happened, particularly when a couple begins popping out kids. If your handsome, loving spouse of ten years strolls in one day and mentions that he's voting GOP in the election, does that mean you begin marriage counseling?
So unless one partner just totally goes off the rails and either starts burning crosses in yards or starts ramming Japanese whaling vessels, then two mature adults can learn to compromise on just about every aspect of day-to-day life. THAT's the stuff that matters. Not a person's opinion on Keynesian vs. Austrian economics.
What's more, it's very unrealistic to expect anyone to be in up-and-down agreement with you on political issues, or to even hold certain hot-button issues to be of equal importance. For example, you both might espouse all kinds of liberal positions, but environmentalism is far more important to you than, say, taxing the rich while your S/O couldn't care less about spotted owls or buying dolphin-safe tuna. How deeply do you drill down to ensure that the person you live with is completely politically compatible with your views? Where do you stop?
And that's the problem. Finding a suitable partner in life is a matter of one finding someone who makes you laugh, who makes you hot, and who can be trusted in your daily life and work together as you together build a life. That's hard work in and of itself. Adding wholly unnecessary deal killers such as a political litmus test just makes your search that much harder. Why give oneself additional hoops to leap through in the attempt to find that fantasy mate who is not just hotter than flowing lava but also agrees with every opinion that issues forth from your mouth? And, besides, why on earth would you need a perfect clone of the way you think?
Last edited by cpg35223; 02-22-2012 at 10:35 AM..
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