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Just a quick update: Since the ultimatum the other day, he finally answered the question of "would he like to share me with someone else?" The question was asked repeatedly until he finally screamed "NO!" so I proceeded to tell him just where he could go if I had to share him. Where he would end up and how the visitations would go with the kids...he was told that if he wanted to improve our marriage, all contact needed to stop. (BTW there was no intercourse, or so I have been told, and will continue to believe) He was also told that he needed to make me believe again and until I believe that she is no longer in the picture, all forms of emotion would continue. On a very positive note: She tried to text him the other day and he didn't respond to her. He called me while at work and told me about it, told me what time it happened and that if she did it again, he would in front of me tell her to leave him alone. He even pulled up the phone bill and showed me. He has also shown me his facebook page, and emails. ( I know they can be deleted, but this is a huge step for him) and I will continue to take all the baby steps I can get. Thanks for all your advice...glad I stuck to my guns and stood up for myself and the kids.
Just a quick update: Since the ultimatum the other day, he finally answered the question of "would he like to share me with someone else?" The question was asked repeatedly until he finally screamed "NO!" so I proceeded to tell him just where he could go if I had to share him. Where he would end up and how the visitations would go with the kids...he was told that if he wanted to improve our marriage, all contact needed to stop. (BTW there was no intercourse, or so I have been told, and will continue to believe) He was also told that he needed to make me believe again and until I believe that she is no longer in the picture, all forms of emotion would continue. On a very positive note: She tried to text him the other day and he didn't respond to her. He called me while at work and told me about it, told me what time it happened and that if she did it again, he would in front of me tell her to leave him alone. He even pulled up the phone bill and showed me. He has also shown me his facebook page, and emails. ( I know they can be deleted, but this is a huge step for him) and I will continue to take all the baby steps I can get. Thanks for all your advice...glad I stuck to my guns and stood up for myself and the kids.
That a girl. I didn't think you had it in you. Way to be strong, for all women. I'm giving you two thumbs up.
This is what i dont understand. We have a member here that has clearly stated what sort of advice she is soliciting. She knows the EASY way out of her situation but is looking for options/ideas/suggestions to support what she is already doing to salvage her marriage...yet some refuse to respect her wishes. Not everyone is in a hurry to be miserably lonely like some of you. She wants to SAVE her marriage and is willing to do any and everything possible to get her husband back....isnt this the sort of script Hollywood draws out in the movies with the male & female roles reversed? Its either you contribute to her thread with a suggestion that can actually help her accomplish her goal or simply ignore the thread. It cant be that difficult a thing to do you know....geezz....
AT MH - again i applaud your stance...I really do. Its not an easy position to find yourself but as you already noted, baby steps. I hope everything turns out the way you want.
Leave him. Get a lawyer and wipe out his bank accounts get the house and cars and everything else. Husbands can be worthless if not properly trained.
Trained? How sad that one feels the need to refer to their husband as a dog that needs trained. If you didn't like how he is when you were dating perhaps marriage should not have been on the agenda.
Trained? How sad that one feels the need to refer to their husband as a dog that needs trained. If you didn't like how he is when you were dating perhaps marriage should not have been on the agenda.
Its not her fault. I blame the notion of a "man or woman" being referred to that way on the stupid men and women that allow themselves to be reduced to the same status as house pets.
Saw a post on Facebook that said, you will never find the right one until you let go of the wrong one. This could apply to not only people, but attitudes, thoughts, and lifestyles. I wish you the best and I am so sorry you are hurting right now. Dig deep within your self, the answer is there. Love does not always conquer all.
I personally commend you for taking up for your children, however....I don't believe he will will ever truly change, I hope I'm wrong, I've been there, he changed long enough to make me believe it was ok, he got clever, more sneaky is all...
I do wish you the best, but, with this man, you WILL NEVER be able to completely let your guard down, that ole "what if" will be in the back of your mind.
I know a guy who is carrying on a long term affair. He showed me all the tricks to keep it hidden from his wife. A few examples was he had a deer lease where he went hunting but seldom went hunting. The biggest tool was a disposable cell phone you buy at Walmart so they communicate.
Nothing he did was tied to his regular phone, computer, life, etc. He had perfected the art of deception.
OP, I mention all of this since you may not see him texting or facebooking her anymore.
I know a guy who is carrying on a long term affair. He showed me all the tricks to keep it hidden from his wife. A few examples was he had a deer lease where he went hunting but seldom went hunting. The biggest tool was a disposable cell phone you buy at Walmart so they communicate.
Nothing he did was tied to his regular phone, computer, life, etc. He had perfected the art of deception.
OP, I mention all of this since you may not see him texting or facebooking her anymore.
Shes wants to trust him again. How will she know if hes using throw away phones?
Nobody, not this OP and not any among us, can stick a fork in it and say it's done until they have reached that conclusion on their own. There are plenty of people, women and men both, who pretzel around and go to what might seem like ridiculous lengths to save a marriage or make excuses for a partner or to delude themselves into thinking that things are better when in reality nothing has changed.
OP, I'm not saying you are deluding yourself. I hope your H takes your words seriously and that this really is a turning point.
However, if it's not only you can discover the point where you will say "no more". This has nothing to do with being a Christian or with your past or with your children because you will find that if you reach that point you won't need to debate it and none of those factors influence it. Venting here, getting opinions and trying whatever you feel in your heart you should try is all part of the process.
I wish for you a happy path with your husband and that you both realize how much you value and cherish each other. But I also wish for you the inner wisdom to guide you if this is not the outcome and the inner peace to accept whatever decisions you make.
It's not easy and sometimes things are far clearer to those looking from the outside. Leave him because he will never change seems like logical advice after reading everything you wrote. But sometimes you have to try everything you can before you are ready to give that advice to yourself.
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