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OK, so I was telling one of my female co-workers about a date I had with this woman I'm interested in. It was our second date, so I was telling her about it and she stops me and asks "did you open the car door for her?" And I go...no? And she responds "well, that is the gentleman thing to do." And I think of myself as a gentleman, I treat women right, I treat them with respect. In the case of this date, I picked her up and dropped her off, I had a rose for her waiting in the passenger seat (since we were seeing each other a few days after Valentine's Day), we had a great dinner and we watched a movie (all of which I paid for by the way, but I'm not trying to throw that out there to pump myself up). We laughed, we had a great time, we made out.
But according to my co-worker, I should have opened the car door or whatever. I think that would have been a bit much? If you treat the lady with respect and as an equal, why do I need to go around and open the door? I personally think it's too much, but that's just me. And I did tell her there are other ways for guys to show their appreciation for someone besides opening a car door. Different women have different standards and the one I'm dating, doesn't seem like the "open my car door, push my chair in after I sit down" type. I just think a big deal is being made out of it, and if she didn't like the way I am treating her she wouldn't have asked me if she wanted to spend the entire weekend, this weekend with her.
Edit: BTW, the co-worker in question is in a relationship of 4 years and is complaining that her boyfriend no longer does these things for her, open the car door, whatever. Welcome to the world of settling, population: you two. He's no longer trying. And I feel like she's using her relationship as an
example. She doesn't like the fact that he doesn't do this anymore yet she's still with him.
"I was a lady when he started dating me and I should still be a lady and treated as such." Whatever. She shuts up real quick about all of this when he gets her jewelry though.
Some women take a hard line on the door opening thing. I have one friend who will flatly refuse to go out with a man a second time if he doesn't open the car door, open the door for her at the restaurant, pull out her chair so she can sit down, and walk her to the door at the end of the night.
For me, it's all about how I'm treated during the date. I mean, I've been opening doors and pulling out my own seat for years now, so it's sort of odd when someone does it for me — it feels unnatural, to a degree. I do like being walked to the door, however.
She lives with her mom, so I feel its a bit weird to walk her to her door. I don't know, she could be looking or whatever. I usually drop her off at the door and I don't drive away until she goes inside so...yeah.
I was raised to be ultra-chivalrous. I learned to drop that act, over time, because it does not help you attract (or keep) women, regardless of what they might say.
The best advice I've ever gotten came from my brother: If a woman acts like a wh*re, treat her like one.
Most women don't act like wh*res, but then, they also don't act like "ladies" who are entitled to a "gentleman," either. So you should generally offer the sort of etiquitte to your date, that you think she deserves. (Now, Chivalry dicates you treat every woman like royalty, blah blah blah, but like I already said -- chivalry is from another era, and rarely does you any favors.)
That said, I enjoy playing the gentleman role, with a lady who also knows what's expected of her. I think that's an ideal relationship, but it's not how I treat the average woman.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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Quote:
Originally Posted by le roi
I was raised to be ultra-chivalrous. I learned to drop that act, over time, because it does not help you attract (or keep) women, regardless of what they might say.
The best advice I've ever gotten came from my brother: If a woman acts like a wh*re, treat her like one.
Most women don't act like wh*res, but then, they also don't act like "ladies" who are entitled to a "gentleman," either. So you should generally offer the sort of etiquitte to your date, that you think she deserves. (Now, Chivalry dicates you treat every woman like royalty, blah blah blah, but like I already said -- chivalry is from another era, and rarely does you any favors.)
That said, I enjoy playing the gentleman role, with a lady who also knows what's expected of her. I think that's an ideal relationship, but it's not how I treat the average woman.
Personallly, I like it when a guy opens the car door for me and walks me to my door but I don't like it when guys push my chair for me when I sit down b/c sometimes it makes me feel like I might trip, lol...but I wouldn't fault a guy if he didn't do those things. I think you did well, DomRep...sounds like you were a nice date. I too believe that there are other ways for a guy to show a girl that he's a gentleman without doing that stuff and it sounds like you did. The rose on her seat was a nice touch.
@ le roi - You can't know someone is a lady until you get to know her...and by then, you've probably treated her like crap. How's that strategy working out for you?
If that is not something you are "trained" to do, don't do it. Then a few years down the road, when you still don't open the car door for your girl, she won't have a reason to be angry about it, like your co-worker. Be yourself, and you won't have so much backpedaling to do in the future.
I have a friend that grew up in small-town Texas, and he is absolutely "trained" to open doors, push in your chair, etc. But he does this for all ladies, all of the time, not just the woman he is dating. He actually scolds me when I don't wait for him to open the restaurant door for me. It's an offense to him, as if I have embarrassed him in public. People might think he wasn't "raised right." A woman who really enjoys and appreciates this attention will never be disappointed with him because it comes "natural" to him.
I was raised in a traditional Southern family. I personally don't care for many of the "old-fashioned" manners because these men often expect a woman to fulfill the old Southern idealized subservient woman role. To me, these "chivalrous" expressions signal the presence of other expectations involving gender roles in relationships. That's been my experience, though. I know it doesn't hold true for everyone.
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